Freaks INC

Phew! I Graduated !!!!!

2008-05-21T16:13:00.002-04:00

As I came back from my graduation ceremony, I wondered, whether it was worth waking up 6 in the morning to get ready and reach the place wearing the regalia for endless speeches, a final 5 second handshake, couple of photo shoots, and a fake diploma with a promise to send the actual diploma soon.

As I reached home I read this congratulatory email that said, "You have reached the epitome of success!" from Ash. But the next line in the email is actually what I have been thinking, as I sat through those endless monologues , "How's that working out for you?"

And although, I would admit, the degree itself did not matter at all. I had lost all hopes of ever getting a Masters and would be sitting in the ceremony. But somehow I pulled through all that to get my Masters and looking back, it really looks surreal to me today. I don't know how I managed it and probably will never be able to replicate this in future.

I have yet to feel the degree to have an impact on my professional life and career, but I will try to be optimistic here and believe in an old adage, "Hard Work will pay" some day!

But I would say the journey was the most interesting part of it. Without graduate life, I wouldn't have met the Freaks and friends of Freaks - some of them who I am pretty close too. Without the thesis work, I wouldn't have worked with an advisor who is a stickler for perfection and kind of helped me in some areas too. Without this all the endless parties, trips with the freaks would have never happened. Without this, participating in each others joys and sorrows would not have been possible. So as I look back I actually got a lot from my graduation.

I find myself still here in Baltimore and everyone has gone places. But as I graduate today, I think people are moving on and my graduation marks my time has come to move on too. Probably migrate to newer places but still do 'glorified cribbing' of the times in Baltimore and elsewhere with the Freaks!

Oh Brother, where art thou ?

2008-02-07T12:06:00.000-05:00

Was just persuing through our blog roll and saw that the last blog was way back in October. Yes, a lot has changed since then. Many are busy making their better halves "comfortable", some with shorts and some without (pun intended). Though we all are equally culpable for this lack of activity, a stark observation is that, the man who lives and swears by our blog didnt get a chance to add his two cents and I hope that we dont have to wait more for his third offering after Lust and Wrath which were true gems in my mind.
So much for the rant, I wanted to just kick off some new year activity, to add something to the archives of Feb 2008 which truly is what my blogs are worth. Not an excuse, but here are the significant happenings over the past three or so months due to which Freaks Inc was inactive.

Best of the best: A full day with Vani, Goli, Shruti, Balls, Vcd and Jhadiya just roaming around on the streets of Bombay and a dinner in this itsy-bitsy but awesome Chinese restaurant in Bandra reclamation. Sheer co-incidence.. but well worth it.

Now individual honors:

1. Balls - His Orkut profile once read " Its my way or the highway".. the man has settled down..kyunki " yaar.. settle ho jaana mangta hai" ( with a beer in hand on the beaches of Outer banks, NC). All set to be married in May of this year, he makes quite a pair with his significant other Ramya, a fact that was put forth in his engagement ceremony in Bombay. May God bless the couple ( read Ramya) good luck for days to come. Way to go brother !

2. Kausum: The man was so busy with his thesis that he forgot eating, enjoying, blogging and plagiarising ;-). But nothing can debate the clinical approach with which he completed his second thesis in a row ( both he and Balls know which was the first one :-) ). So, Kausum is finally Masters in Electrical Engineering from the Univ of MD, Baltimore County and will be taking the walk this May. Congrats Kausum....in anticipation for a vice-versa from you Circa 2014.

3. Marw: Was busy with the ATP Masters and master-minded Federer's fall at the hands of Djokovic at this years Australian open, walking the talk in his autobiography " balls.. they are over-rated"

4. Vcd: Still checks the blog on a regular basis but cannot comment because there are no blogs. Vcd managed to be in India and multi-task ( Marw style) and attend multiple marriages and engagement ceremonies. Also played a gracious host cum driver when Vani, Goli, Shruti and I were at his place before Ballsy's engagement ceremony

5. Todd: Is coping pretty well after a three year live-in relationship with Balls. Feel for you bro.. while you were in and out of the relationship both. Apart from that managing work and his musical shows while churning out Kabab stories by the dozen.

6.Jhadiya : Umm..aargh..ummm..aaargh..aaarggh.. Sachin..Prathmesh..IBM.. ummm.... aaargh.. ummm..aargh.. enough said !

7. Bhaiyya: Comfortable sa hai.. he has found a good charger for his Motorola V 810 finally. Set up an aquarium at his new place. Never blogged so lets leave it at that.

8. Goli: Well settled and happy..the Pitamaha of our group continues to baffle everyone with his logarithmic and exponential age and experience. Still working on getting a sense of humor !

9. Mike: Bore ho gaya to Green Card ke liye apply kar diya.. got his Advanced Parole and now is vacationing in India.

And finally urs truly.. got married on 6th of December and since then doing two sets of laundry ( whites and non whites), cleaning the house, washing utensils and ironing clothes while relocating to Saddle Brook, NJ.. second relocation in the past year, meanwhile churning out yet another worthless blog. Coming to terms with a life I had no clue about and adjusting well.. I assume. Waiting to play a good host next weekend to Ballsy, Todd and Kausum. Will surely have champagne to celebrate our achievements.

- Aup

Yet another top ten list

2007-10-19T19:31:00.000-04:00

As with almost every other discussion with Balls the one from yesterday ended the same way: Tera top 10 XYZ of all time kya hai? (Yesterday's XYZ being Hindi songs).

My list as of yesterday looked something like this:
10. JJWS - Pehla nasha
9. Masoom - Tujhse Naaraz Nahin Zindagi
8. Yaarana - Chookar mere mann ko
7. Chaudvi ka Chaand - Chaudvi ka Chaand
6. Yaadon ki Baarat - Chura Liya hain tumne
5. Padosan - Ek chatur naar
4. Golmaal - Aane waala pal
3. Safar - Zindagi ka safar (Sorry Balls, a bit of cheating here :-) )
2. Kabhi kabhi - Kabhi kabhi mere dil me
1. Pyaasa - Jaane woh kaise log the

What does your Top-10-Hindi-songs-of-all-time list look like?

Hum Jeet gaye...Hum jeet gaye

2007-09-25T23:21:00.000-04:00

Immediately after Sreesanth lapped up the now world famous skier, I received an email from vcd "In the immortal words of Ram Singh from Lagaan - Hum jeet gaye! Hum jeet gaye"!!! Its been a day and I still haven't gotten over that sensational bit of news. I, an enternal purist always had my doubts about this format of the game. Taking another cue from Lagaan I thought it was "sadiyal, bhaddha sa khel". Now that India has won, I absolutely have no doubt that it would be humongously popular in India culminating in more tournaments and better packaging which in my opinion will lead to replacing the 50 over game.

Most of the blogs or articles I've read have re-iterated the fact that India have found a new father figure in Dhoni and the togetherness is at a new level etc etc. We've always been a nation who has adored their batsman much more than anything else just like Pakistan is obsessed with their pace bowlers. Dhoni was the first person to point out that this victory was a tribute to some exceptional bowling on our part throughout this tournament. I would like to go a step ahead and point out the influence of Venky Prasad and one of all time favorite ODI cricketers Robin Singh for their influence.

Its no co-incidence that our bowling has improved by leaps and bounds after Venky was brought on board. Zaheer and Arpy consistently troubled the Pommies during our summer tour to England. Arpy and Irfan then carried on the good work into T-20 WC as well which eventually led to our victory. Our fielding was in fantastic shape...a direct hit at a crucial juncture in almost every match was enough evidence on our sharpness on the field and more importantly the key ingredient that we have been missing for a while. I've always felt that a good coach would be the one who has had to struggle and really work hard for moderate success. They could instill the right work ethic into a youngster to help mould his career better. Venky and Robin just about fit the bill...moderately talented but hardworking nonetheless. They deserve a big round of applause along with the adulation for the players.

Somewhere deep down I kinda feel bad for Pakistan as well. They have bowled their heart out...fielded fantastically and led smartly by Shoaib (the move to bring in the spinners as soon Yuvraj walked in was a master stroke). Both India and Pakistan have brought colour back into the game of cricket....much like the way I used to enjoy Holi in the days of yore. That's why I found it appropriate to end the blog with a video of Dhoni and SHoaib celebrating their success (along with Darryl Hair) to the tune of the legendary Bhojpuri song by Shenaz Akthar "Kaptaan bhool ke kaptaani". Enjoy!!! ... And ofcourse....Bharat Maata ki Jai!!!

Kanti Thoughts

2007-09-23T10:39:00.000-04:00

He woke one morning
Wondering what he saw
A dream to him, A nightmare for others
Was he a good person?

He wondered about things
That could have been different
Had he been different
or could people have been more tolerant?

People say a sorry
And they really mean it
But would it matter for the one
Who suffers the consequences everyday?

A plea to listen to him
A plea to talk to him
The plea fulfilled but,
A taunt of being needy
Was it really worth it?

A friend of yester-years
A stranger in the present
Was the human ever a friend
Or was an acquaintance of yore?

He lived his life alone
For the past score and more years
He wondered does he like company
Or would it be a hassle?

A peek into my pensieve

2007-09-11T16:58:00.000-04:00

I’ve had long drawn discussions with my old friends Vcd and Todd about the veracity of the popular notion that “Federer is the best player to have lifted a tennis racquet”. As I so often do, I tend to stick my money in stats from the past. I haven’t seen a player of the class of a Sampras who in the midst of greatness all around him stood head and shoulders above everyone else. Would Sampras be considered as a legend if Federer was playing in the same era? Probably not; but neither would Federer. These are just random musings on the part of an old man though. I still tend to look at facts and the fact is that I can’t get a certain US Open final out of my mind and that is where I need to delve deep into my pensieve to dig out the greatest upset that humbled a cocky Federer.

It was just another fine day in NewYork where the crowd had resigned to yet another youngster’s decimation by the hands of Roger. Little did they realize that this strapping, ebullient, Metro-sexual young man had the talent of a Sampras, the work ethic of a Courier, the grace of Edberg and the determination of a Lendl. Never had one seen the complete package in a wild card entry ever before. He ran like a gazelle covering every inch of concrete with consummate ease. His nonchalant wafts and magical racquet struck a deep chord with the rapacious crowd who egged his mastery and erupted at his opponent’s errors. He was a true son of the soil and the hallowed turf was shrinking its womb to etch his footprint where a vast legion of warriors had succumbed valiantly. The large contingent of Federer-haters including yours truly had finally found their voice after nine gruelling years of staying mute.

Federer face was ashen as if he had just been violated by a 12 inch alpha specimen. His precise if not perfect back hand had completely deserted him, his once feared fore hand was being mauled by incisive ground strokes and his unruffled demeanor was sullied by his rants towards the chair and his incessant frustrated hissing. The first set flew by like the cool autumn breeze that was blowing through the ‘Meadows’. The 6-4 score line against Federer appeared a lot closer than it actually was. Things though did not take a turn towards the worse; the youthful exuberance of the young man and his heart stopping plays lit up the azure sky; reminiscent of Sampras in the days of yore. A running back hand followed a delicate lob, every drop shot was accentuated by a fearsome forehand cross court passing shot and each precise first serve was complimented by an even better array of volleys. The second set was an even shorter affair: 6-2. This was Providence in flesh, justice was being served cold!

I sat there with my mind racing ahead of time imagining this young rookie lifting a rare piece of silverware amidst years of ruthless domination. I quickly snapped out of my halcyon thoughts for fear of bewitching the foreclosure of what lay ahead. But nothing of that nature happened; the best was yet to come. The relentless machine gun fire from the rookie’s racquet kept pace with the racing heart beats of every human being inside the arena. His iridescent presence beneath the luminous floodlights and an incandescent moon bequeathed the master of his glowing past. A 6-0 bagel set in the final was a fitting way to end Federer’s humiliation, just as the way he has humiliated others. The night was young but to me, a new day had already dawned.

The scenes after the young man’s victory are as fresh in my mind as the virgin snow. Even though I’m entering the fag end of my sojourn, I can never forget the euphoria of having seen my closest buddies beat one of the best player’s ever. If only he had continued longer, the question that I posed at the very beginning would have never been raised. He will always, to me, be a man who fought disability to emerge triumphant. That image of him lifting the trophy in one hand and a Jackie Shroffish thumbs-up with the other will forever be etched in my mind. Click here to reminisce a forgotten great.

I salute you my dear friend Marw.

For want of a nail - the kingdom was lost.

2007-08-20T18:54:00.000-04:00

The US-India Atomic Energy Act promises to be the one of the most crucial treaties of the modern times. This is an act that not only establishes co-operation between the largest and the richest democracy's - but is also an harbinger to enhanced ties between these two giants.

In a time when even the signatory members of the controversial NPT - countries such as Iran and the once ratified North-Korea are facing flak from the rest of the world for developing nuclear technologies - here we have a non-signatory member being offered an option for technology transfer. This move is not only unprecedented, but also a great moral victory on a global stage for India.

It is an win-win situation for both countries as one can see it. India - a developing country facing acute power crisis gets accelerated access to advanced technology to fulfill its power needs and also establishes friendly ties with the most powerful and like-minded friend that one can have. United States on the other hand has clear commercial benefits to reap - and the added advantage of cozying up to a sleeping giant that is well on its way to wake up and dominate the coming century. It is in the interest of both countries to continue to build their relationship to next levels.

The deal looks all set to augur a new era in world politics - one that not only confirms the eastward shifting of the balance of world power - but in a way, also signals an unspoken acceptance to India's concerns over the nuclear-discrimination caused by NPT .

All of it was looking good - until a few spoil-sports, started creating obstacles - for reasons that seems to be inspired from local and petty political considerations.

It is sad to see the state of affairs.

Those opposing the deal, do not even site concrete reasons/solutions/alternatives to solve the energy crisis the country is facing. They talk about dangers of getting 'too close' to the capitalist powers of the United States - while conveniently ignore the very poignant fact that India has been registering record GDP rates only due to the money flowing in from this 'capitalist' country.

It is my hope that such short sighted political agendas do not derail the chance of a greater good-will and common-sense to prevail.

It reminds me of a poem I heard when I was perhaps seven years old. May be - the members of CPI should brush up their third standard literature syllabus - they surely seem to be behaving like seven year olds !

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Heres hoping that for the want of the nail of petty polics we do not loose us the kingdom of friendly co-operative co-existence.

Relics

2007-08-02T17:33:00.000-04:00

I'd be the first one to candidly admit that Ballsy's call of throwing me out of this blog was so freakin justified. Clearly since "paani sar se upar chala gaya tha ", I thought of ending my prolonged dormancy in contributing to this hallowed space. Also, to infuse some contribution, I'd like everyone to comment on what they make out of this rhyme specifically highlighting the "pattern" it follows.

Quote:

That thing that should not be is
The unnamed feeling I so cease to miss
Unforgiven, my heart reaches out to thee
Master of puppets oh please help me be

Reflection is a mode I need to be in
Down in a hole that I am, guilty of sin
A rotten apple, is what I feel of me
High hopes, that I'll reach the shore I no longer see

Vicariously, as I live my mundane life
No longer sober in this despicable strife
Cemetary gates, is all I can see
An empty page my eulogy would be

All these hollow years, I tried in vain
Prayed for that beacon to take away my pain
A low man's lyric it seems, I can't reason why
Goodbye blue sky as each day goes awry

Welcome to the machine, is what life did say
The trooper that I am, I will have my way
As judgement beckons on this reckoning day
I won't be a man in the box, sinking into the clay

Under a pale grey sky, a brave new world shall arise
Coming back to life, that I'd severed all ties
I'll win the fight against the harvester of sorrow
And turn the page to a new tomorrow

- End Quote

~ Aup

Biggest Kanti so far ...

2007-07-20T14:18:00.001-04:00

Today read the biggest Kanti (or as some may say "Kaante") of my life in a Fortune Cookie at Pei Wei.

It said

" Life is full of small decisions - like white or brown rice"

Note: I know I am giving it on a platter but at-least there will be some renewed interest in the blog

HDTV - A Pain!

2007-06-25T17:27:00.000-04:00

I think I will no longer watch TV on HDTV. Infact, I am considering not buying HD-DVD’s too. I am even going to cut my subscription of HDTV and buy an analog TV with a modest 19″ screen. I am just tired of HDTV. You may wonder why such a drastic step. The world over, people are moving from normal TV experience to HD TV and I want to to go back. Well, I want to go back for precisely the reasons people want to get HD TV.

The advantages of HDTV are

Picture Clarity
I don’t think I need picture clarity anymore. Watching Pamela Anderson on the early morning ‘Today’ TV show and seeing the innumerable wrinkles she has was the final nail in the coffin. She looked all old, and the clarity in the TV enabled me to look beyond her ten coats of makeup. There was fat at the wrong places and suddenly she fell from a sexy baywatch temptation to an old woman trying to hide behind makeup. All my juvenile fantasies are now lost in the sea of lines and wrinkles. The only thing for what it was worth it is lost. Who needs brains anyways! Its just overrated.

The appearance of being surreal
Now, who wants that to see how real it looks as people on Fear Factor are eating worms. The worms look too real. I need instant gratification from the TV without the ‘ewww’ feeling.

The fall of Diva’s
Suddenly, Michelle Pfeiffer’s smile looks crooked, Pamela’s bod doesnt look all that perfect, infact you can count all the breakouts and pimples of Lindsay Lohan. Julia Robert’s vein across her forehead looks like a snake. You can see how tired an actress looks inspite of appearing cheerful. How, the top 100 sexiest women no longer rate on your list anymore.

Then, you see the oldies, the analog movies and you still like Ingrid Bergman, Greta Garbo, Audrey Hepburn. They still occupy the pedestal you have kept for them. And then return back to the TV clip of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and you know how painful it is even to watch their chronic whining. And I purely attribute it to my crystal clear home theatre system which amplies the same. They need to have some artificial intelligence and have some pre-recoded nice voices.

So while I see a clip of Oprah and Dr.Phil and see what a huge crap it is. I think my HDTV and crystal clear sound from the Home Theatre system are to be blamed. I am going to go back to analog TV where most of the reality is smoothed out and the sound makes you skip few words which makes it more likeable. I hope this truly does the trick for a shallow and superficial person like me. I am deeply scarred and anguished by crystal clear TV and Sound.

Wrath

2007-05-15T00:16:00.000-04:00

Here is my 2nd offering on the Se7en deadly sins after Lust.

The green yonder where my brothers grazed
Is strewn with men putrefied or an amputee
My pure azure sky has turned a fiery grey
Led me to believe in revenge and anarchy.

Marching around like a dumb sheep
To uphold a few rogues' cataclysm
My blood fertilizes the land
While you feast on flesh and Rum.

You raped my women and poisoned my land
Whilst I tremble standing atop my debris
I'm normally not a praying man, but I
Wish HE bestows upon you pain and travesty.

This spite is sucking me deeper
Burning soul nailed in your greedy crucifix
Vengeance will rise from the ashes
Towering like a ravaging Phoenix.

Armed with broken bones and rotting flesh
I carry on undeterred
An eye for an eye, will only
Pave way to open my Third.

i've found my non-profit

2007-05-05T10:49:00.000-04:00

i have always been confused about charity (just like i have been confused about everything else).

* Why donate ?
- "because you should give back to society" is the most common answer I've encountered. Charity for me is helping someone get out of the rut and make a life for themselves. It should not involve just giving away. I've always felt - "Help not Donate" is the answer. There should be no free lunches.

* How to choose the right institution ?
- Most institutions I knew of were involved in the business of giving away. The feedback loop of what your money was being used for is generally mediocre. All in all, the gratification (in this case, the feeling that you made a difference) is not strong enough to warrant more donations. (I know it sounds against the idea of charity, but appropriate incentives always motivate people better)

I came across Kiva.org today. This to my mind appears to be the perfect charity. It resolves most of my confusions mentioned above. Based on the now famous model of Microfinance, it lets you lend money to someone who needs a loan. After the period of loan, you get repaid where you can choose to re-lend the money. This resolves both of my dilemma's mentioned above. It helps someone get going with their business and help them make a life for themselves. You are involved with the business you are lending to. The feedback loop is great because there is a journals tab which lets you know about the progress of the business at regular intervals.

So go ahead - Change Lives !

My Proud Alma Mater

2007-04-25T22:28:00.000-04:00

Here you go guys....my school in the news for all the wrong reasons. This dude was the vice-principal even when I was a student. Now u know where I gained an exemplary vocab from!

Songs that stayed on!

2007-04-16T18:37:00.001-04:00

I am compiling up a list of the songs I identified with. But somehow, I feel each song has a line, a verse or a strain which has pulled me towards it. Each one of them I have identified it with an incident in my life. What are yours? Why don't you all put up yours.

1. But it rained - Parikrama
This one identifies my first and the biggest ache in my life. This is by the Indian rock band Parikrama and these thoughts stay with me each and everyday.

The ache is long gone but the never keeps staring along
The waters in the seas are high
and all the sand castles have drowned

2. Stairway to Heaven - Led Zep
This song gave me some of the best friends I have in my life. This song inspired me to chose paths I would never have ventured. These lines still inspire me

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on

3. Cats in the Cradle - Harry Chaplin
I hear this song as a reminder to the irony of modern life. A life I have seen affected more of us than any other. A constant balance between self and others. A reminder to slow down in the world of pace.

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

4. Going to California - Led Zep
This has been a song to find someone near. To find someone dear. But this has been a kind of song where I would say, just to find a friend. Also some hilarious insight of something I recently figured.

Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
Tryin to find a woman whos never, never, never been born.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself its not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.

5. NIB - Black Sabbath
This is so true and probably the song which talks about the dark side and evil that I was impressed. The song was also to tell me whenever I swayed from my principles to get me back to the right track. Although I am quoting only 4 lines, this is one song you have to listen or read it in its entirety.

Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you will see who I am
my name is Lucifer, please take my hand

6. Right in Two - Tool
This is what is happening now. As we fight for crumbs and as we create borders on borderless areas, emotions, logic, prayers.

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,
overhead and light
Fight over love, over sun,
over another, Fight…

7. Take away my pain - Dreamtheatre
This is the song I have identified with at every point in my life where I have been emotionally hurt. This is where I have done a reality check of my life at each point in my life. This song means a lot to me in planting my feet back to the ground. This song helps me be human again and not be over-excited.

Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don’t let it rain
Don’t stumble on my pride
Take away my pain
I’m not frightened any more

8. Kandisa - Indian Ocean
My first song where I fell in love with the song the first time I heard it. A pure entertaining song with modern and traditional percurssions. The first time I received this over email and I guess it was love at first sight.

Not the lyrics, but the instruments you need to listen too.

9. Comfortably Numb - Floyd
This song has been a constant fight between an emotional side to rational side of my life. A fight between where I want the emotional side to win, but the rational is dominant.

I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Cricket circa. 2009

2007-03-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

A Friend forwarded to me an article with prophetic predictions for the Indian cricket team in a few years time. A hilarious read.

------------------------------------------------------
The Times Of India 14th Feb, 2009:

India is playing in a 5 nation tournament ; the other countries being Uganda, Sudan, Papua new guinea and the mighty Bolivia. Today is a must win match for India against tournament favourites Bolivia for a berth in the semi finals. The winner of the tournament will fight for a place to enter the top 35 rankings in the world.

On the morning of the match, a strategy session is being held by Greg and Rahul. This is how it goes.

Greg: Boys, this is one of the most important matches in the last three years. We have to beat Bolivia. Lets go through the batting line up and the bowling line up in this meeting.

Greg: So Sourav, you will open right?

Sourav: I don't know. Bolivia has a pace bowler who only bowls short pitch deliveries. His pace is consistently in the range 55-60 miles /hour. I cannot handle all that pace.

Greg: Oh, thats ok. He won't dare to bowl short pitch stuff against the Indian batsman (we have such good credentials). If he does by mistake, just to make a statement to the media, get Hit Wicket and come back. Such non sense should not be tolerated.

Greg: So who will partner Sourav.

Rahul: I think Sehwag should. He looked in form in the last game against Sudan. He hit 5 fours between first slip and second slip before he got caught at second slip. I think he is in the pink of his form and he should open.

Greg: Thats good.

Greg: Sachin, you will bat at four ... ok?

Sachin: I don't know.I have to go shopping at 11. That means I can't bat beyond ten overs.

Greg: Sourav and Sehwag will last till six overs. So, you will come then. Don't worry, just play your natural game and follow your instincts. You will go by ten overs.

Greg: So Dhoni, you will keep?

Dhoni: I am not keeping. Last time, I kept for three hours. My hair is getting spoiled. I have thousands of lice in my hair. As a result, the cows in my village have started snubbing me and my advances. These days, dragonflies have started staying in my hair as their food lice is there. I need a haircut, I am not playing.

Greg: Please play just one more match, its the mightly Bolivians, just one last one. Please !

Dhoni: Ok. But don't do this next time.

Greg meanwhile was going through the batting averages and noticed that Dravid had the longest stay at the crease for the last 67 matches. So he asked Dravid to give a presentation in front of the team as to what motivated him so much and what was the secret to his concentration.

Dravid: My wife is extremely ugly. So, I try to stay as long as possible away from her. That is why I play a low risk game (In the last game, he hit 3 runs from 92 balls). If I get out, I have to go back to her.

Everyone starts applauding. What an inspirational cricketer.

Now it is time to decide on the bowling line up.

Greg: Obviously Zaheer is opening. He was brilliant last game. (Zaheer had bowled only 23 wides in the last match and he picked up three wickets. The secret to this brilliant bowling performance was a result of a mentoring session from Venkatesh Prasad. Prasad told him that to bowl from mid off and aim at Third slip. As a result, Zaheer returned with the best figures in the match.)

Greg: Off-late I have noticed that Rahul has been facing a lot of pressure and so we have decided to come up with Batting, Bowling and Fielding Captain to relieve Rahul of some of the responsibility.

Greg: I have noticed that Munaf Patel has stayed not out in the last three matches (all the other batsmen had got out by then). I admire the commitment of this lad and as a result he is the Batting Captain.

Greg: I was also going through this figure. Sourav has been involved in 177 run outs. But he himself has never got out. He values his wicket so much. I think we all need to Congratulate him on the price he sets for his wicket. Sourav, you are the running-between-wickets captain.

Greg: Anil has been sitting on the bench for the last three years. He keeps taking snaps throughout the match. He is such a team-man. I think we need to recognize this loyalty. Anil, you are the Bowling Captain.

Greg: Harbhajan is the fielding captain.

Rahul: But he dropped the catch in the last match when he dived to his right to take it.

Greg: At least he dived in the right direction.

After this intense brainstorming session, India looks all set to take on Bolivia. Please pray for the team's success.

------------------------------------------------------

Turn the page

2007-03-15T19:40:00.000-04:00

Scores have perished
In the lust for the bust
Yet another brother
Officially bites the dust.

Yesterday, somewhere around the crack of dawn, a Continental flight inbound from New Delhi made a safe landing on the airstrip of Newark airport and a horde of passengers streamed out, some heading towards the baggage claim area, others towards domestic terminals to catch their connector, while the “racially pretty cool” ones towards Customs and Immigration. Amongst the sea of travelers was a brown man sporting gelled hair and a look of brightness that would belie the weariness that usually comes in the wake of a journey spanning thousands of miles and almost one whole Earth-day.

That hint of sparkle, that extra spring in his step was borne out of realization of a looming change in his marital status. A telepathic person, after translating Bhojpuri into English, could almost hear our man constantly repeat this in his head – “You ain’t gonna use your hand no more! You’re gonna get laid soon!!”

Yes. As we all know, Bhaiyya is one small step away from joining the ever-growing club of single Indian men who are losing their (awfully prolonged period of) single status faster than ever imagined before. The scorecard now reads:

Pushkar Pulastya b Cupid (lock, stock and below his barrel)
Years: 29
Balls: 2

I can foresee myriad changes in Bhaiyya’s life, hereforth. I can picture him coming home from work, possessed and intoxicated with an aphrodisiacal cocktail of testosterone and oxytocin (one word description - "love"), switching the tube on for recreation and reaching for the remote to turn closed captions on. The American Idol is on and fortunately, he is saved just in time by a commercial break. A Dove ad appears on the screen and with a swish of the wand, no pun intended, Bhaiyya is transported back in time. “Dove” morphs into “Jai” soap and his senses fondly cuddle with a melodic jingle:

Pehla pyaar, Laaye jeevan mein bahaar, Pehla pyaar
Jab tan ko choo-aye, Jaise baatein kare, Pehla pyaar....

With one eye twitching ala “Mungerilal”, he gets lost in his world of imagination. The dulcet tune now shifts gears to one with a faster beat and a sense of purpose. He lets out a gentle smile, his eyelids close and music fills his ears:

Bol sakhi bol tera raaz kya hai
Kya hai teri khushi ka raaz,
Tu bata de mujhko aaj,
Garbh nirodhak goliyaan
Mala-D hai mera raaz

I’m sure the waves of change would cause significant amends to the Winamp playlist on his computer too. Gone are the days of Metallica and their energy and angst, it’s time for Altaf Raja to echo Bhaiyya’s emotions thru this Grammy-deserving number:

Tumse kitna pyaar hai, Dil mein utar kar dekh lo,
Na yakeen aaye to phir, Na yakeen aaye to phir,
Dil badal kar dekh lo

I don’t know the extent of how deep Cupid has entrenched the arrow in his heart but this brilliant Bappi Da's creation might also be in the list of probables:

Pyaar bina chain kahaan re
Pyaar bina chain kahaan re
Sona nahi chaandi nahi pyaar to mila
Arey pyaar kar le

Prior experience tells me Mr. Pulastya is slowly going to develop a seething hatred for Alexander Graham Bell’s invention. I have advised him to buy a stirrup to rest his hand on during marathon sessions, unless of course, he’s holding the device with the hand that has “exclusively” developed muscles over the years much like a tennis player’s serving hand (The only difference is the muscles on his hand have no correlation to Tennis whatsoever!). And considering what’s going to transpire in those talks, I suspect he would need to use his prejudiced muscular hand anyway; so stirrup is going to be the likely solution. A couple of weeks down the road, Bhaiyya would be found calling Verizon customer service, “Uh hello, do you have a plan that could give me 6500 daytime minutes per month??” Phone conversations are gonna be served with generous helpings of flirtatious remarks in Bhojpuri:

“Aapke saath baatein karke bahut sahi-sa lag raha hai…bas ab Maee (“May”, in English) ka intazaar kar raha hoon!”
“Ajee itne natkhat bhi na bano”
“Abhi se hi humse darogi bhagyavaan, to phir shaadi ke baad kya hoga!!”

Getting hold of Bhaiyya on his cell is going to be harder than determining the paternal identity of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter.

Premonition and indiscriminate usage of Kantiesque allusions aside, the truth of the fact is - Bhaiyya has finally shed his skin of singlehood. I saw a couple of pictures last night and indeed, the couple looks very good together - my heartiest congratulations and best wishes to both of them. Apart from hoping our man doesn’t compel Bhabhi to dial 911 on their first night, I also sincerely hope they have a great marital life ahead.

Take it easy, brother!

dhoom dhadaka

2007-03-12T12:29:00.001-04:00

this ad was running during Holi.

Divide Pakistan ?

2007-03-11T16:29:00.000-04:00

There has been an interesting and even outrageous series of advertisements, articles and even a book detailing the role of Pakistan in fostering terrorism. The author of the book is a France based gentleman called Jamaluddin Syed.

Mr Syed raises some interesting arguments about Pakistan's role in world terrorism - especially pointing to the grooming of the "terrorist mindset". He claims that no other country in the world other than Pakistan - be it N. Korea, Iran or Syria, actually "groom the terrorist mindset" as Pakistan does.

He further delves into the cause of creation of this "terrorist mentality" - arguing that the manner in which Pakistan was created in 1947 had a large role to play.

He also offers an outrageous but interesting solution to the problem - advocating that the International community initiate a division of Pakistan to help curb the terrorist mindset from spreading.

A lot of it ends up sounding very far-fetched - but a very new interpretation none the less.

Check out this site - especially the videos

http://www.dividepakistan.blogspot.com

Disclaimer : All these are the views and opinions expressed by Mr. Jamaluddin on his web site - not necessarily mine.

India Booming !

2007-03-10T00:01:00.000-05:00

India's economic march in the past few years needs no introduction - the world has been witnessing it for some time now. But even keeping that in the mind, the sheer force with which India is rising boggles the mind. Just a cursorary look at the Forbes List released today throws up some amazing numbers.

The Ambanis - Mukesh and Anil, are placed at #14 and # 18 this year - last year they were #56 and #104. Anil Ambani has gained a net 12 Billion this year, while Mukesh has gained some 10 Billion. In 365 days. Pause a bit to think that they have not even started their dream projects of setting up mega retail chains and the other mega ventures.

India now has more billionaires than the economic powerhouse of Japan. India has more billionaires in the top 20 list than any other country - bar the US.

But that just covers the the richest of the rich, you say ? - Look again. And look again carefully.

India's GDP is growing at a net rate of about 9 % for quiet some time, the forex reserves have never been higher, and the BSE index breaks some record almost every day you check.

The Infrastructure is growing. The Airline Industry is opening up. India just signed a deal with the US to generate nuclear power. India is one of the premier countries working in the field of rocket science. The Indian pharmaceutical companies are booming - competing to take over the divisions of US Pharmaceutical companies that they would not even dream of competing with 10 years back.

The largest aluminum company in the world now is India's Hindalco. The worlds largest steel company, Mittal Steel, has set its future interests in India. Tata Steel succeded in an outrageous bid to take over the very reason for its former rulers power - British steel - the very company that fueled Britain's Industrial revolution. All the major car manufacturers have their eyes set on India to fund their growth in the coming years. Let us not even speak of the many smaller industries and companies that are trying to get their foot in the door.

This list does not even talk about the software and the services sector. We do not even need to go there.

I had met an american friend when I was in Pune few months back and he had said to me then - "I still do not see what the fuss is about - the roads, the cars, the infrastructure is nowhere near what is present in the western countries "
My reply to him would be this - " Yes - we still have a long way to go, but consider this - If we are doing so well with what we have right now - can you imagine where we will be - when all these problems you talk about are dealt with ? "

To put things into perspective, recall this. The United States - which is an economical behemoth of almost unrealistic proportions, was near bankruptcy by the year 1929/1930. The backbone of the US - its interstate highway system was started in the 1950's. The USA beat USSR to the moon in the 1960's. Thousands of Nuclear weapons were piled up - just as a gentle reminder to the world. By the 1970's , US was one of the foremost powerhouses in the world - powered by a generation of brilliant industrious americans - those that we call the "Industrial Baby Boomers"

Now take a look at Modern India. Post Independance - upto the 1970's India was near bankruptcy. After opening up the economy in the 1990's- the money started flowing in. India developed indigenous missiles, beat Pakistan in the "Nuclear Club" race - oh yeah - our gentle reminder to the rest of the world. The Golden Quadrilateral was completed by 2005. The Railways - managed by a rustic leader - set record profits in 2006.

Lady History loves repeating herself and the stage is perfectly set for India. It is for India to take the lead and set the trail for the next century - and the young generation of Indians have to shoulder the responsibility of acting as the "Software Baby Boomers" of this century. We must not fail her.

Indians form the largest pool of the worlds educated youngsters. Millions of young educated people - living in a free and democratic country. Millions of them eager to get a chance to prove themselves. Millions who, from the very day they are born - are pushed by everyone around towards just one goal - to be successful.

Something is bound to happen - one way or the other. The road ahead is long and a lot has to be done. We all know that no work is done until it is really done.

The world still looks on as India is waking. As India is Rising. She must not forget her tryst with destiny.

Lust

2007-03-09T02:15:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to write a new Series on the Seven Deadly Sins.
Here is my first offering - Lust.

Gorging the apple that fell from the tree
Poisoned the minds who were once so free
Enslaved by the serpent and swayed by gust
Forbidden fruit had sown its seeds of lust.

The yearning, the aching, the endless desire
Hordes of angels adding fuel to fire
The Bull forever craves for the garden of Rose
Deflower the lasses to quench all its woes.

Beauty may lie in the eye of the beholder
Adoring only 'one' makes love grow older
Forced to release the bellowing Beast
The fangs of the serpent has roses for feast.

Strutting proudly his scars of virility
Donning the face of a new found nobility
Planting the seeds in each and every womb
The desire rests only when he lies in his tomb.

The apple that fell was coated with decree
Tree of Life pleaded mankind to agree
It’s not in our nature to conform and to trust
Love will erode but eternal is lust.

-Balls

Warren Buffet Quote

2007-02-10T11:30:00.000-05:00

Read this somewhere, it was said by Warren Buffet in one of his Berkshire Hathaway speeches

"The line separating investment and speculation, which is never bright and clear, becomes blurred still further when most market participants have recently enjoyed triumphs. Nothing sedates rationality like large doses of effortless money. After a heady experience of that kind, normally sensible people drift into behavior akin to that of Cinderella at the ball. They know that overstaying the festivities -- that is, continuing to speculate in companies that have gigantic valuations relative to the cash they are likely to generate in the future -- will eventually bring on pumpkins and mice. But they nevertheless hate to miss a single minute of what is one helluva party. Therefore, the giddy participants all plan to leave just seconds before midnight. There’s a problem, though: They are dancing in a room in which the clocks have no hands."

Source : Wikiquote

Guru

2007-01-26T20:54:00.000-05:00

Who is John Galt? This is the line that comes to my mind after watching the monologue of Abhishek Bachchan a.k.a Gurukant Desai at the climax of the movie. It had to be this way for Guru to be a hero but as Roshan Sheth a.k.a Thapar said he is both a genius and a thug truly identifies the character of the movie.

I had to watch this movie over the hype about it and its likeness to the Ambanis and their struggle and I would say it was a typical Mani Ratnam movie. It has to have an item number as well as a young girl singing about her dreams to hardcore actions and human emotions with family and the whole bouquet. I will say it was a well made movie but the protagonist being potrayed as right at the end with hints to the governments shortcomings were erroneous. The tax evasions, duping shareholders and other items were not shown in the climax but the licence raj of the government, the stranglehold of the market by individuals were depicted till the end.

The end was abrupt. It showed one needs to bend the laws to create money. True the laws were restrictive at that time, but I will not say Guru was a John Galt. He was just a clever manipulator who understood what he needed to do to earn money and flourish in a business which was not to be a fly by night thing but a sustainable 'bijness'.

Over and all it represented the life of Dhirubhai Ambani, his clash with Nusli Wadia or Bombay Dyeing's fight with Reliance. The petrochemical venture, the clash with Indian Express and Arun Shourie. Why else would Mani Ratnam do a private screening for Mukesh Ambani prior to releasing the movie? Inspite of the declaration of fictional characters in the begining of the movie.

Abhishek and Mithun were brilliant in the movie. The songs were ok and I would have preferred seeing Vidya Balan instead of Aishwarya in that role of Guru's wife. Madhavan was under-utilized but effective. Over and all strictly pista movie according to me.

Trivia I observed:

Aishwarya Rai has a relationship after every successful movie with her co-actor.

Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam - Salman Khan
Kyun! Ho Gaya Na - Vivek Oberoi
Guru - Abhishekh Bachchan

Lazy Man's Lyric

2007-01-26T12:23:00.000-05:00

Let me just put up a disclaimer saying that what you read will not fit the billing that the title has. I couldn't come up with anything else than a cheap shot at this great Met number. Just lazy ramblings during lunchtime on a Friday afternoon. So, here it is :

2 weeks since I started my new job
WFH, a dream fulfilled at last
Those Siemens 10'oclock meetings
Seem like distant past

Those shivery winter mornings
To warm my car, I would wait
No matter how hard I tried
I would always show up late

12th Jan the day I left
Was nothing special so to say
Ballsy wrote my farewell email
And clearly saved my day

Past 2 weeks have been interesting
With lotsa new things to learn
What I've done so far is bollocks
To justify the salary that I earn

A couch potato, I have become
I F5 rediff, Freaks Inc and spam
"Old habits die hard", I'd say
The loser that I am

Every new day in this job signals
The opening of a new vista
Despite my best efforts
This rhyme will still be pista

- Aup

wtf ?

2007-01-24T14:08:00.000-05:00

i am left speechless.

2007-01-23T16:32:00.000-05:00

Congratulations Goli !!!

Maria: So very graceful

2007-01-22T00:18:00.000-05:00

After the terrible disappointment of the much touted ManU Arsenal clash, I decided to sit back and take my mind off the game. And what better way to do that than a compelling foreign language movie. I’ve been hearing loads of positive reviews of Maria full of grace that I decided to rent it on Netflix and I surely wasn’t disappointed with the final outcome.

The story is set in troubled Colombia shown through the eyes of an ebullient 17 yr old Maria Alvarez. She initially works at a florist factory separating thorns from roses. She is badly ill-treated to the extent that she quits her job even when she is one of the primary bread winners for her familia. Life takes a turn for the worse when she discovers she is pregnant with the baby of her boyfriend with whom she shares a relationship bordering hatred. The upswing in that relationship is that the feelings are mutual. Frustrated with her life in the remote town, she decides to move to Bogota and work as a ‘Mule’ (drug runner).

Her first assignment is to transport ‘Cocaina’ to New York. If successful, she would earn a fat pay-check of 5000$ which constitute to a zillion Colombian Pesos. I was startled at the way they’ve shown open drug transport from Colombia to the US. Maria is made to swallow small ‘Latex’ pellets filled with Cocaine. The obvious danger is, that if one of the pellets breaks inside her body, she would OD and die. The other is that if she shits, she would lose a few pellets and with that would have to face the wrath of the Colombian drugs lords both in the US and back home. The compelling story takes one more incredible twist where she is detained by the US authorities. They are of course aware of Mules and suspect that she might be one of them. They order an X-Ray to be performed on her to cross-examine their doubts.

I won’t go further into the story line of the movie to spoil it for anyone who decides to watch the movie after reading this. It is a very realistic story of the dreams of people from Latin America and their perception of US as the land of milk and honey. Catalina Sandino Moreno’s debut performance is just outstanding. The rave reviews and a debut Best actress Oscar nomination are richly deserved. Her subtle expressions, blank face in times to crisis and the joyful exuberance of a 17 year old are a treat to watch. Watch this one and you surely won’t be disappointed.

Rating 7.8/10

A valiant fight..I would just say I don't care

2007-01-06T11:43:00.000-05:00

As an always optimistic, die-hard Indian cricket fan I am hurt and disappointed by the sudden turn of events on the fourth day in Cape Town, which led to this heart breaking series loss vs SA. A lack of killer instict is not a new thing but what is more disheartening is that the practice of giving it all away when the moment is ours is back again.

It is a no-brainer that when the series has to be decided by one good batting performance it is the senior members in the side that need to put their hands up. In India's case, the senior-most, batting legends.. so to say, froze like chickens and were demonstrated what it means to be positive by people who have less than 50 tests to show amongst themselves.

There will be post-mortems galore and people will still go on and say that it was a valiant fight by India especially after an utterly forgettable and dismal one-day series. There will be things said that both teams were evenly matched and no one even thought that India would stick up to South Africa and they gave them a very tough fight.

For what its worth(it wont even be worth scraps probably) I seriously think that if we perform to our abilities ( that has never happened and probably never will) we are a better team than South Africa any given day of the year. I think that we lost the series 1-2 rather than SA winning it 2-1.We got to be ashamed of abject surrender in Durban and Cape Town and some heads need to roll and rightly so.

Rahul Dravid said that the guys showed a lot of character even though the result didn't go their way. I respectfully disagree !

Quote...Unquote

2007-01-04T15:16:00.000-05:00

I was reading Quote..Unquote on cricinfo and thought that something of that sort can easily be compiled for the numerous hilarious, some not so hilarous quotes by fellow Freaks (+ non Freaks) over a period of time. Call it either lack of motivation to write about my Sedona mountain jeep ride experience or the inclination to come up with something of my own or maybe just compulsive writing to kick-start Freaks Inc's 2007. People have this uncanny ability to surpass Kubrick or sometimes better Kanti when it comes to deep, thoughtful and insightful comments which are utterly meaningless. More often than not it just perplexes the listener and he doesnt know what hit him. Here are a few which I found worth mentioning.
PISTA

"Because...its not easy"

Aup's friend R when being asked why is it so difficult for her to sit at one place and have breakfast

"Basically what they serve is essentially Afghani food"

Aup when asked what do you get at the Afghani restaurant Helmand

KULFI

"Actually..the work which I am going to do at XYZ (my new company) involves a lot of
customer interaction"

Aup when asked how he plans to go about doing the knowledge transfer to his team mates before he leaves his present company

"Arre awesome movie hai.. usme Rajdoot(motorcycle) hai"

Aup's roommate Chintan's first reaction while he came home and Balls was watching Chashme Badhdoor

"Meri jawani badi mast mast hai"

Paave singing to Sabri brothers' legendary tune "Teri Jawani Badi mast mast hai".

BETTER KULFI

"Yaahr..mein subah uthkar ek glass paani pee liya karta hoon "

PuPu when asked if he cares to come out for his daily ritual.

"Haan, nahi..matlab pata nahi yaar"

Marw when asked about his position on road from Baltimore to Philly.

"Apna to baat ho gaya tha naa ?"

Vcd when asked about the target while playing cricket at Aup's Mount Ridge house.

"Arre..aaj mujhe swing, pace, bounce and drift mila. Jab thak gaya to leg-spin daala..usme bhi googly,rippers, turners sab daal saka"

Aup's friend A ruminates over a satisfying day of "rubber-ball" cricket.

"I've left De Rossi to boil in his own soup. He's a fantastic guy but he must change his computer chip"

Marcello Lippi on Daniel De Rossi after the infamous elbowing incident.

THE HOLY GRAIL

"Vivek main tumhare liye apni jaan bhi de sakta hoon...magar mein bhagwaan mein vishwaas nahi rakhta"

Akshay Kumar to Sonu Nigam in Jaani Dushman.. take a bow!

For that matter every dialogue from Gunda is Kantiesque (in the true sense) but we have already had a discussion on that. I hope this is just a start and there are many many more to come.

Lazy Ramblings

2006-12-19T15:54:00.000-05:00

For lack of creativity and anything extraordinary to write, I started drooling over a few topics that made the news over the past couple of days - -

1. And Justice for all - Finally Jessica Lall's soul can rest in peace. This really has been a one of a kind case where the Indian media for a pleasant change canvassed the entire re-investigation campaign. Even though the verdict is yet to be passed, the guilty has atleast been made to consume a daily dosage of 'muffins'. I'm all for a 'life sentence' rather than a quick trip to the gallows and beyond. The reason being, Manu Sharma is all of 29 yrs old...young enough to spend his lifetime in jail reminiscing he horrid crime he commited. The thought itself should be good enough to drive anyone insane. Dafa 302 would only liberate him from the impending agony... and a scumball like him doesnt deserve to get such a noble death. Thoughts???

2. Dude looks like a lady - Inspite of all the advances our country has made over the years, its pretty much been a stagnant growth on the sports front. A few that are succesful are hounded by the press, public and (now) doctors alike. Santhi apparently failed a 'gender' test after winning at the Doha Asian games. Its hard to fathom how she (innocent until proven guilty) must be feeling right now. The ignominy that awaits her when she steps into her small destitute village, the shock that her parents must have endured and above all the disappointment of having worked so hard and being stripped off her medal is way beyond contemplation. I'm far from being an expert in these 'chromosome' tests, but I firmly believe that after an initial failure, a 2nd test has to be performed immediately before releasing the story to the media. The way this has been handled right now is pretty pathetic...the damge has already been done. Say for arguement's sake, the tests turn out to be negative, returning the medal would hardly serve as damage control. The pain, suffering, misery and the anguish that the athelete has to go through in that time frame is not something the Olympic Committe would be able to compensate for. The same arguement goes for the drug tests. If the 1st sample indicates presence of banned substabces, tke a 2nd (stool sample) and for cross-reference. I think Santhi should be given a fair chance...comments?

3. Pak Chik Pak Raja Babu - I could not stop laughing at Sreesanth's antics after clobbering the incessant mosquito Nel for a towering six. The gyrations reminded me of a certain Govinda thrusting his pelvic riding a Yezdi in Raja Babu. Sreesanth has joined the elite (but small) group of Indian cricketers who have responded magnificiently after an altercation. Only Prasad (v Sohail) and Harbhajan (v Ponting) spring to mind. But its not all fun and games with we Indians. The ugly face of being on the wrong side of double standards raised its despicable hood again. For all of Nel's chatter (throughout his insignificant career), for all of the Aussie sledging and the Kiwi's 'innocuous' banter, its always the Indians who are reprimanded. I'm not saying Sreesanth is a saint from the temples of Guruvayur but he is as culpable as Nel for the every other ball ball he delivers. I know, its only 30% of his match fees and going by the leverage he would get after this performance (with the ball as well as his balls) its pretty insignificant. But its the same old story of yet another victim which includes elite thugs like Sachin, Dravid, Sehwag and Prasad. Oh and before I sign off...my request for Sreesanth in the next match is a Waltz with Nel...sparks would surely fly :-)!!!

The Three Templates

2006-12-13T17:20:00.000-05:00

This cold weather in December and the inability to kill time after work (in some cases at work), always brings out the uber-pensive, moody, introspective individual in me. It doesn't help that the birth-mark L has been etched permanently on my forehead so the high point of the day is usually an after 9 EST worthless chat with fellow Freaks. A plethora of second-standard jokes and leg-pulling sessions ensure that I sleep well only to wake up to another gloomy, lackadaisical rotation round the earth's axis. Balls, Bhaiyya and I were discussing the other day about how we can easily find parallels in each other's present lifestyle and the state of mind that each of us are in. The following templates will sum up our sentiments and give an account of the day to day happenings over the past few weeks.

The work template: Having spent a majority of the day finding out the latest happenings on rediff.com and Kantiesque chatting with each other, it is no suprise that the theme has been g**** pe @ work. Some fortunate people have the luxury of working at home and continuing the good work if you know what I mean. For such people this WFH (Work from home) template will serve really good
"I will be working from home today. I can be reached at xxx-xxx-xxxx or via email"
Since this will be in use more often than not, I find it better to store it as WFH.txt on my desktop and use it as and when needed.One interesting thing to note is that there is no need to give any reason as to why you want to work from home. You may want to just relax, catch a movie, sleep or write a blog for crying out loud. WFH can be used contructively too as you can read each and every article on rediff.com and dicuss about people who have the makings of cult figures.
A typical coversation in the afternoon on a WFH day
Aup: Balls..kya kar raha hai..g**** pe hai ?
Bala: Apna kya hai re..ek mahine se g**** pe hai
Aup:Rediff padha ki nahi ?
Balls: Padha naa..stars who died young..Babbar saab ne bol diya hai.."Smita was an integral part of my life karke"
Aup: Savaal hi nahi hai..also pretty good discussion about Smita Patil, Meena Kumari, Madhubala, Guru Dutt, Geeta Bali, Geeta Dutt, Sanjeev Kumar and K.L Saigal in the "stars who dies young section"
Balls: Haan re..waise Manav Gohil ka chat padha kya
Aup: Nahi re..kya hai woh
Balls: Deliver nahi kar raha hai tu..Manav Gohil is the next best thing on India Telly. Uske maa-baap bhi uske baare mein discuss nahi karte honge.
Aup: Chal re..let me get back to blog and rediff
Balls: Chal..me too.

The ice-breaker template: Over the hill is the sentiment here. Having witnessed a Zimbabwe like performance by our parents in the "ladki" department and our present performance being comparable to India's travails in South Africa, we are pretty much left to do the best we can in corresponding to whatever scraps that come our way.So, here are three templates which would be the way each of us introduce ourselves to the girl
Aup: Hi, I am Aup. People have embellished me with many nicks like Aup Baba, Vhyavhichari, R***baaj and people who cannot find A on the keyboard call me Bup. Neways, jokes apart..(Then a truth-concealed section about what I do..blah blah).I saw your partner expectations section on J****.com and though I am not all of that(I am none actually), I must say that I come pretty close (I must not).I have a feeling(like with everyone else..any girl for that matter) that this can go further (the point being that you are so hot) so I would like to either chat with you or have a conversation on fone. This is my number blah blah... if you feel the same. Take care !

Balls: Now Balls takes as much time to write his introduction as he does to write a blog on one of the concerts that he attends. Well thought-of, "detail oriented" and strikingly used repetitions.Heres what his template. I wont copy his entire template but I will point out the striking repetitions !
"My name is Balakrishnan Ramachandran (Yeh...Americans along with trying to solve the mystery of the Flying Dutchman, are still grappling on how to 'fit' my name onto a Credit Card). U cud address me by Vijay (what they call me at home)"
"I am a complete Bambaiyya at heart and wudnt exchange the Kohinoor diamond for my love towards that city."
"On a more personal front, I've a wicked sense of humor, am a stickler for correct English, a fair cook, a good writer and brilliantly lazy :-)"
"If ur still awake at this juncture, I would like to know more about you...ur interests, ur present work, ur career goals or whatever u are comfortable to put forth initially"

Bhaiyya:

"I am Bhaiyya. I was born in M@#**pur eons ago. I am working as a dejine engineer in Company XXX. I held the same job at my previous company. My responsibilities included library dejine. Yaar..woh jo metal routing hai woh 0.09 micron mein fit karna kaafi mushkil ho jaa raha tha. Vcc se Gnd ka jo hai woh sahi nahi ho raha tha. Communicason chip mein P-Well aur N-Well ka jo hai woh routing behen**** hua merese.Synopsis me ek baar yeh kaam ho gaya to fir Skill mein script likh deta hoon mein..fir sahi saa ho jaata hai. Will you marry me?"
"Khaana badhiya bana leta hoon waise. Favorites to Chilli Chicken aur Palak Paneer hai. Paneer jo hai use halka sa tel mein fry kar leta hoon. Fir palak ko tel ke tadke mein pyaaj aur masalon ke saath halka sa butter mein fry kar leta hoon. Fir dono ko milakar halka sa fry kar leta hoon. Uspar aur 2 liter tel daalkar "cheeej" daal deta hoon. Usse madar**** Palak Paneer ban jaata hai. Mujhse lagan karogi kya?"

The congratulatory email template: Given our penchant for "detail-orientation" and everyday discussans on trivial happenings on rediff, it is no surprise that we are still hunting for our better halves.We can't help but stare at the multitude finding their life partners while we are left to write congratualtory emails to everyone on every such occurance. So, a congratulatory email template is a must for people like us

Engagement : "Hi XYZ,Many many congratulations to you on finding our partner. I wish you all the best as you embark on the next step with him/her. I wish I could be by your side on such a huge occasion in your life. Take care and I'll see you once you are back from India"
Marriage: "Hi XYZ, please accept my heartiest congratulations on tying the knot. It is a surreal moment for me to see you guys being friends before and taking your relationship to the next level. I wish you all the best in our endeavors and hope that in each others company you find happiness, peace and contentment for days to come" + second part of engagement template.

So, thats it in a nutshell. It is fitting that this blog has been the high-point today as I am WFH...a day well spent ! So when my boss congratulates me on giving this gift to the blogging community tomorrow by telling me that why don't I become a full time blogger, I will have to tell him
"Blogger ki wardi nahi pehni to kya hua saab..kaam to blogger ka hi kiya hai naa"
and then the legendary
"Kisi ne sach hi kaha hai..baap pe poot, pita pe ghoda..kuch nahi to thoda thoda"

-Aup

Ek, Do, Chaar, Chhe, Dus...BUS!

2006-12-07T12:59:00.000-05:00

Reading vcd's "About me" had me in splits yesterday. Its really a shame that Freaks doesn't have a post on its Cult movie. A movie that had dislodge the Cults status of LSA2SB and Snatch with shameless ease. There have been just too many reviews and blogs written on Gunda...so i would like to refrain from the same as I'm pressed for time (well its good to shoot off a lie every now an then) and I wouldn't be able to add my 2 cents to a low hanging fruit (thank u Phatak).

So I started writing this blog with a view to get people's fav dialogue from Gunda (If u havent watched the movie...BURN IN HELL!). Let me start off with my fav dialogue...mouthed by the legendary Mukesh Rishi on seeing his slutty sis raped (yeh the one with - face Sonali, taangein Raveena, aankhen Karishma) molested and cold on top of a 'haathgaadi'.

Munni meri behen munni ... To tu mar gayi? Lambu aata ne tujhe lamba kar diya? Maachis ki tilli ko khamba kar diya?
Arrey mere dil maine kya kya armaan the tere liye...
Maine to tere liye 300 chokre dekhe the...Woh bhi ekdum chikne...
Jo tujhe bhaata wohi tera pati bantha!
Magar tu to katela gurda yaani ki murda ho gayi!

Long Live the legendary Cult movie...waiting for some hilarious comments :-)

License to Kill

2006-11-18T15:36:00.000-05:00

Caution: Spoilers Ahead

After a strenuous week at work, I decided to treat myself with a movie. The options at that time were Babel, Casino Royale and the much acclaimed and hated Borat. But, by the time, I left work, the only option available to see was Casino Royale. A Bond movie and having seen all the previous ones, I just had to watch it. I guess, its not so much about the movie or the story but to be able to see all of them. Infact, I have also seen the 1967 spoof of the Bond Movie which has the same name and has the comic genius Peter Sellers as Bond himself.

So what does one expect from a Bond movie, Daredevil and earth defying action, Bond Girls who ooze with sexuality, Bond Villains who have larger than life roles and grandeur plans to rule the world, Car chases which would put mere mortals in awe. And yet, I watch it with all the fascination I can muster. Maybe just to be in a world where it is possible to defeat evil single handedly, maybe to see the world more as a touch of black and white, not having shades of grey.

Yet, I decided to go to the movie to watch all the gadgets, the fascinating cars, the sensuous Bond girls and villains who I would admire them for their plots. But I was pleasantly surprised. This movie is the adaptation of Ian Fleming's first James Bond Novel of the same name published in 1953. But, it is not the same plot. The broad plot is intermixed with today's realities. While the original plot was based on the cold war rivalry between Russia and the West. This was different.

This movie starts at a time where Bond does not have a 00 status. This is a vintage Bond, who is a normal spy and uses his bare hands and his stamina to kill people. We do not see a spectacular mission to set of the movie, but a subdued monochromatic scene where he kills a double agent while reminiscing his first kill. He doesn't waste time on melodrama but clinically kills the enemy like an assassin would do. This scene is a sets the pace of the movie. It is going to be different than all other Bond Movies so far.

This movie is different from all other movies in many different ways. It has the reality of blood money from Africa to the shadow world of terrorism to smooth operators who converts their funds to legitimate means in quite a believable way. The movie does not have glamorous Bond girls and neither the elaborate sex romps which are a hallmark of Bond's persona, but divulges more of Bond the man and his thoughts. There are hardly any swimsuit shots and the one scene is actually a long shot.

Another significant aspect of the movie shows Bond to be not perfect as embodied by Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan before. This movie gives a glimpse of the way Bond thinks about women. Infact, it is the movie where Bond falls in love and is ultimately betrayed. Bond commits mistakes and at times questions his own judgment. The movie does not have the characters in white or black but shades of grey, self doubt, sacrifice, selfishness and this includes even the love interest of James Bond - Vesper Lynd. Sarcasm and Wit are the hallmark of Lynd's character without showing a hint of skin. Bond attempts to charm her to bed but is torn apart with his real feelings for her.

This is a movie, where M is shown to have a family and is not afraid to reign in James Bond if required. She does not give in to the recklessness to Bond while also acting as shrink to Bond. Q or his successor is notably absent from the movie. Total absence of a car chase which again like the swimsuit is over before it started. But its a phase in Bond's career where he moves on from being rough to being sophisticated. But its a 3 hour movie which is almost riveting, thrilling without having all the aspects of a Bond Movie. Daniel Craig cannot be compared to either Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan but a more believable Bond and is in his own class.

While it does not have outrageous stunts but it has Bond cleaning up his own blood after an encounter to being the suave gentleman to saying the last line of the movie, "The Bitch is dead". It is truly a different Bond movie having a grittier Bond.

The Inexplicable

2006-11-13T02:00:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: The following material is offensive. If you dislike scathing attacks and mud-slinging please speak up so that I can remove you from the blog roll.

As I got off the phone with Balls this evening, I started thinking about a topic to blog. The Kantiesque blog which Balls and I had thought about a few weeks ago had been shelved due to lack of time, creativity and refusal to pen about something chimerical.The impending Monday morning blues had already started creeping into my mind and that, compounded with the perpetual school sleep cycle, meant that I was wallowing in my bed, ruminating about another wasted weekend. Thats when I picked up the fone to check if someone would be awake. Since it was 1 AM EST already the only target was Bhaiyya.
Now it is a known fact that Bhaiyya loses a bit of his mojo or whatever it is when he breathes even an iota of West Coast air. Fathom this.. Bhaiyya has moved to the West Coast now and is breathing all there is to breathe of that air.So our complaints are totally justified and vindicated with Bhaiyya's idiosyncasies over the past few weeks. Here is a transcript of our conversation and ofcourse some things won't be disclosed to maintain it's sanctity (just like pixelated nude scenes on Star Movies)

The start:
Bhaiyya: Hmmmmmm...(long pause)...Aup Baba ki Jai Ho
Aup: Aayushyaman Bhava putr..jeete raho
Bhaiyya: Kya chal raha hai ? (Bhaiyya's trivial and first question)
Aup: Ku.. (interrupted by Bhaiyya)
Bhaiyya: Aaj khaana banaya re jabardast.
Aup: Tu aise trivial cheezein kyoon batate rehta hai ?
Bhaiyya: Arre nahi re.. (starts 10,000 times repeated dialogue) Roj Khaana to Aunty banati hai naa..aaj maine banaya..badhiya bana tha

The middle:
At this point the conversation shifts to how much the girls' looks matter in an arranged marriage and Bhaiyya's incessant FAQs hit the roof. I try to crack a joke on that and end up shooting myself in the foot. Bhaiyya dissects the joke and asks me meanings of a few words along the way raping the joke in his own inimitable way. Then follows a discourse about how he finds it very easy to rate a girl on her looks and cannot comment about guys in the same vein. My question becomes diluted to the point of being rhetorical and I exhort Bhaiyya to leave the thread and start the next.
Aup: Weekend mein Suraj aur Samir aaye hue the..(trying to continue)
Bhaiyya(interrupting again) : Tu paach baar bata chuka hai.
Aup: Arre..mujhe khatam to karne de..kutte ke tarah movies dekha hum logon ne.
Bhaiyya (now surpassing Alok ): Matlab haath aur pair uppar karke "hah..hah..hah" karke dekha kya.
I just keep silent ignoring his remark and let him know the sheer naivete of his remark.
Aup: Neways..Babel dekha hum logon ne..kaafi achchi movie hai..dekh kabhi time mile to
Bhaiyya ( in Bihari mode): Spelling batayega jara ?
Then there are a few more questions..then some "hmmmms" and long pauses and then again a few more questions.

The abrupt end:
Suddenly, as its known in Bhaiyya's recent phone conversations, he keeps quiet and there is not a word uttered in 2 mins. Though this is nothing new, I still ask him
Aup: Tu net surf kar raha hai kya ?
Bhaiyya: Hmmmm (long pause)
Aup:(thinking..Duh.. he was surfing the net all the way long)
Again there is silence for another 2 minutes (no violins playing in the background here). Bhaiyya totally on the fence a la Marw.
Aup: Chal theek hai yaar call karta hoon kal.
Bhaiyya: Chal theek hai..good Night

Has this become a regular thing or is it just me? A conversation with Bhaiyya nowadays lacks the subtle "nuisances" of caustic humor and witty sarcasm of yore. All that is dished out is a plethora of questions, a repeated account of trivial, inconsequential happenings accompanied with sporadic communication breakdown due to a total refusal of speech.
WHHHHYYY ? ......(Silence)

P.S:
The abrupt end was synonymous to the end of a phone conversation with Bhaiyya.

Letter to the Sedator

2006-11-06T22:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Sedator (Greg Chappell),

I was appalled and disappointed with the recent effort by the Indian team in a bid to reach the semifinals of the Mini World Cup. The stage was set for an epic clash at picturesque Mohali. You could see the striking lush green carpet set to the backdrop of beautiful sunflower fields in Punjab yearning for an emotional revenge saga…ala Yash Chopra canvas for many of his one-horse tales. The stadium was split right down the middle: the villainous Aussies having a savage go at each other at the practice pitches, while the coy Indians practicing the age native old warm-up techniques with Kho-Kho. It was a day when D(r)avid was to slay Goliath armed with your unique training methods completely inspired by Rocky Balboa training with gigantic lumber and pounding on Anvil in Rocky 4. But alas…they didn’t have ‘Adrian’ by their side…instead they had a whiny old gaffer in you, Mr.Greg Chappell. Well the only thing common to Rocky 4 and our match was: Where Rocky brought down the Russian Ivan Drago, the Aussies brought down our pants. The search should be on for new training techniques…

Frankly I don’t blame you Mr.Chappell. It’s been 3 years since we defeated the mighty Australians. Everything from passing batons while blindfolded, living in tents and army drills hasn’t worked. You thought a strenuous game of kho-kho would likely be the best way to prepare to beat a team you haven’t defeated in more than a 1000 days. It’s a totally different matter altogether that one of your best batsman is probably is out for over 4 months and as a side-note not to forget that we got drubbed. Practice injuries are part and parcel of the modern game…and you don’t see SRK practicing Kho-Kho in the sunflower fields of Punjab…coz it a MAN’s game. You see what I’m getting at??? Greg - You wanted to instill togetherness and manhood into the squad (and im not talking abt a gay orgy here). Unfortunately though, Kho-Kho didn’t work…but here are some of my suggestions which could be inculcated into your unique training regime:

Langdi – I can foresee langdi becoming a huge part of our practice session…and I have good reasons to believe so. A good portion of our ‘core’ players are over the hill viz. Sachin, Dravid, Klums, VVS (well fitness wise he was over the hill even on his debut). It is but natural for these players to suffer from cramps, hamstring pull etc during the course of a match. By regularly practicing langdi, they can show the world that they are a force to reckon with even on one leg. ‘Langdi sprints’ can improve running between the wickets under such circumstances. 10 yrs down the line I can foresee Sehwag trying to sell a Nimbus Production DVD “Langdability” to youngsters on TV – Kids, you want to know the secret behind my longevity in cricket? Watch the screen and you will understand why (Sehwag performing langdi..trying to catch a snail). Well kids don’t be distracted by my bouncing bosom…call now to receive this great TV offer…1800-LANGDI. Operators are standing by to whisk your father’s hard earned money.

Lagori – Lagori has a gazillion advantages over most of the warm-up routines employed nowadays. First of all, scattering the stones requires pinpoint accuracy which comes in handy for tight direct hit situations. Secondly the quick sprints to gather the stones improves agility and reflexes…ultimately helping in pinching a quick second run. Third and most importantly, avoiding the opponent players throw while you are busy arranging the stones acts as the perfect simulation to evading some really mean bouncers. And as a side note: after the stones are arranged, chanting ‘Lagori…lagori…lagori’ in unison, aides in more vociferous and intimidating appeals to the umpire.

Chor-Police (Not the chit version) - After all the physically strenuous practice sessions, chor-police would act a good brain cruncher to aid mental toughness. My proposal to you would be to split the team into two: Bowlers (Chor) and Batsmen (Police). The reason behind such a demarcation is for the bowlers to pose a tough and mean exterior and the batsmen to gain style and panache. Guys like Dravid and Sachin can act as the leaders of the Police force (Inspectors) and can foster the younger players like Raina and Dhoni (who can be Havaldars). Sehwag can be the ‘ek-mineet ke liye paan lene gaya tha’ Traffic Police. Similarly for the bowlers, the senior bowlers can be the Gang leaders (Unfortunately for us with Ajit as the most senior bowler, the gang is hardly intimidating).

I hope my suggestions are given due thought. It is my solemn pledge that un-wavering adherence to such a practice regime would physically and mentally toughen up our team, achieve unheralded success in the face of sky-high expectations and above all save your job. If you want to avoid the unfortunate situation of having to post your resume on Monster.com, please do give my letter a fair and just reading.

Sincerely,

Balakrishnan.

Running like Bevan

2006-10-24T21:19:00.000-04:00

Continuing the 3rd Birthday celebrations of Freaks Inc., here is my humble contribution...a brief bitter-sweet history of our blog to the legendary tune of 'Stairway to Heaven'. Try to sing along to the tune to get a better appreciation.

There was a blog i had known, that Marw had sown
And twas rotting away to oblivion
And he nagged all along, asked if our brains had all froze
Being a bore he got what he had sown for.

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And his Hotlinks had found a new Haven

There was a whiner called 'Ball' whose heart wasn't pure
And you know his blogging had no meaning
Eating all that you cook, was a Baba with flings
Mostly all of his thoughts were Death ridden

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
Baba lived with a guy, as black as Raven

Long hair, loose he let, his ass was the best
Vcd's inputs were never so pleasing
Tens of names cudve been, genius stroke and twas "Freaks"
And new topics to blog they all were looking

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
Scratching their brains left them unshaven

Goli & Sri joined soon, after sex under the moon
Coz the blog was the flavor of the season
But a new day didn't dawn for the blog was a thong
Lovely front but an ugly posterior

Was Freaks a blunder?

We had a nervous sweat in our eyebrow
But we took a vow
We'll keep blogging and comment MEAN

Yes there were fights and Marw sure did cry
Didn't we have fun
His retorts only made you laugh or yawn

Our blog was humming and it didn't slow coz of CULTS u know
Jemz's acting made u blog him
Dear Bubbah never did we forgo, even a single show
Your greatness lies on every Freaks' mind

{TA DA TANG ... TA DA TANG...Genius air solo by Balls}

~ (Fast) ~

And as we blogged on down the road
'Inspired' KK joined the show
'Sandas' Mike as we all know
Ciphers on us who wud bestow
Now even Todd was brought to fold
Read his blogs very hard
He made sure it wud be your last
When Bhaiyya wrote just one and one thats all
We still rock and now on a roll
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
But we'll never buy a domain of our own

There was a blog i had known, that Marw had sown
Contributors are now one more than Eleven
And we celebrate the 3rd, birthday of Freaks
Cheers to those who've penned, on what we adore

And we're running....like Michael Bevan, uh uh uh.

A timeline

2006-10-22T23:43:00.000-04:00

Oct - Dec 03: This was the time when Marw influenced by the ever growing blogging community came up with an idea of a sport blog with Madhu Raju. Balls did his thing and named it "Freaks Inc".This is the time before all of us left for our first trip to India after coming to the US and so no one really wrote anything. The blog was alive though, hosting the incessant hot-linking which was and has been Marw's forte till date.
Jan-Feb 04:- Nothing at all just one post from Marwadi saying that he added Aup to the blog.
March 04:- Truly, this is the time the blog actually came to life. Buoyant due to India’s win over Pakistan in the one-dayers, we saw post after post of cricket but there were very few hotlinks. Of particular note is Balls' comment about Amit Bhandari being a replacement for Nehra and my comment about how thoughtful Bala's blog was..funny as hell. VCD posts his first.
April 04: Our first Metallica experience for people to live vicariously through Balls’ post "My'tallica experience". Belur's christening as "Bhagwaan"and our homage to Raaz and Meghna Naidu. Shawar becomes the new Freak's cult.
May 04: Suraj blogs and more surprisingly Marw writes two blogs. His post about Bala's "Mai terese darta nahi" makes a very interesting read. Suraj copy-pastes a beaten to death naatak.
Jun04: First spiritual blog and two near life experiences…too much of Fight Club in there. Balls’ and Nicole’s versions of their power rafting ups the tempo. How difficult is it to live without the internet is very beautifully dissected in Srikants blog. Marw writes but still hotlinks away to glory.
Jul 04, Aug 04: Strictly OK months. Lets not go thyair

Sep 04: One of the most hilarious blogs and also the most hated in a while. Balls reasons why he wouldn’t want to be Shahrukh Kkkhan in his next life. Aup pays homage to Mahesh Saab’s clairvoyance in his tribute to "Hum Hai Rahi Pyaar Ke". Both the blogs get published in Shrishti due to lack of anything genuine.
Oct 04: First combined blog for Freaks Inc posted by Aup and Balls. Goli gets enlightened with Baba's darshan and dabbles with photoshop ..Aup becomes Aup Baba. Srikant writes one of the best blogs about one of the best parties we’ve ever had.
Nov 04: KK’s first blog which he would like to forget and so would we.
Dec 04: Balls writes one of the most thoughtful and hilarious blogs ever about the history of research.Enough said.
Jan 05- Mar 05: Sri's blog about Swades in March was the one I thought was worth mentioning. But the blog was pretty much alive with Marw's hotlinks and political discussions.
April 05: Balls' writing capabilities reach the zenith. "Eight" is a masterpiece.Sadly, the
only one produced in a month of little activity.
May 05: Mike is added to the blog and he produces one that doesn't vibe well with the Gandhians and the confused in the group. Balls writes his first hand version of Srikant's
(read Javeds) steely nerves in a run chase. Aup doesn't hide his feelings and
showers words of praise on Meghneeyal on his bday.
Jun 05: 20 greatest Freak one liners of all times. Bhaiyya steals the show but writes nothing yet.
Jul 05: KK gets nostalgic (or quotes someone who got nostalgic :-) ). It literally rains cats and dogs in Mumbai.
Aug 05: Bhaiyya's house warming party gives Balls a lot to write and he covers it exceptionally in his blog. Also Marw and Vcd sum up their sentiments on an NRI's feelings on Swatantra Din.

Sep 05:Aup does an Alok with his Baasten travelogue.Todd is added to the blog and Savitha's blog produces the most discussion and brooding over.Balls writes a beautiful poem about life and Bhaiyya finally writes his first blog after a peg of MaCallen about his Std 10 experiences.
Oct 05: Mike writes about the Great Road Trip to San fran. KK writes a good bday wish to Goli Freaks Inc turns 2.
Nov 05:Balls graduates and is dismembered from Aup's sacred cult.Srikant has a hilarious post on the brotherhood's trip to Philly.
Dec 05: Balls openly discusses his morbid fantasies.
Jan 06: Vcd posts a harsh fact on nostalgia. Marw springs back into action with his cricket-related blog.
Feb 06: Aup expresses his frustration over wannabes and Marw follows with a thoughtful blog with a hangover of DCH. Aup sends Jaadya off to NJ with a poem only to find him back in his house capping off Feb with a worthless blog.
March 05:Balls and Aup exhort Sachin to perform in the Mumbai test and are disappointed "yet again". Srikant tries to ignite an argument by praising the hijda but fails. Bhaiyya produces a masterpeice "by his standards" about the various services his courier agency has to offer.
April 06: Low on activity.Mike's 11th standard post makes a good read while I rue another wasted weekend.

May 06: Aup is still smarting from a rude treatment at the hands of a puerto rican waiter. Balls gears up for the football world cup and Marw hotlinks a hilarious video from you tube.
Jul 06: Balls takes us through the travails of his life thus far about living with his name. KK delivers with a hilarious post about the Caucasian White - ticket crazy Bhaiyya
Aug 06: Sriaknts post about HAHK makes a good read. Todd produces two masterpieces not to mention his equally long comments. Todd's post about the types of desis in the US gets posted on desi torrents' forum. Bhaiyya laments on how hes been institutionalized in Baltimore.
Sep 06: A discussion on Vande Mataram. Mike shows all of us that he is alive.
Oct 06: Balls' passion is very much evident in his beautiful write up of the Tool concert. After this the blog goes into a Ghaat Rock spree with yours truly translating "The Pot" and Mike follows with Schism and Lateralus before posting loads of ciphers. Todd posts a beautiful post on Lady Luck
So, thats three years in a nutshell. Couldn't think of anything more original rather than a Harshaesque commentary of walking down the memory lane.It is so interesting to revive old memories and see how our writing has progressed over the years. How more thought has gone into each blog that has been posted. How much we have argued senselessly over inane topics and had a whale of a time. Before it starts getting more Alokesque than it already is, I will end this.

Heres to three years of blogging. Happy B'day Freaks Inc.

Anthem

2006-10-19T13:50:00.001-04:00

My mouth was left agape in shock and utter disbelief seeing one of the greatest drivers in Formula 1 history, Michael Schumacher, drive through the Dunlop Kurve chicane in Suzuka only to park his beautiful Ferrari a few metres ahead and walk away in disappointment. With 16 laps to go, Ferrari's engine gave up and ended his hopes to win the race and, unless he gets a bit of divine intervention, the Driver's title this season. It was painful to watch the scene. Two races to go, Schumacher tied on points with his arch rival, Alonso, and comfortably crusing to victory would have given him an advantage of 2 points going into the last race in Brazil. However, luck chose to desert him and Ferrari at the most critical juncture in the championship.

Or should I say, Lady Luck deserted him and his team! Come to think of it, there must be a reason why we impute feminine gender to the concept of luck.

F1 fans and followers are well aware of the legendary reliability that Ferrari has enjoyed in recent years. As a matter of fact, it was in the French Grand Prix of 2000 that Schumi had ever retired with an engine failure on the scarlet beauty. A Ferrari engine blow-up is rarer than the possibility of Leander Paes beating Amelie Mauresmo in a singles match. Factual evidence and outlandish metaphors notwithstanding, smoke billowed from the engine of that car, and unfortunately at the most inopportune moment! Luck shares this innate quirkiness with a woman. Everything might look fine and dandy and she might appear to be cheerful throughout the day, the sort of cheerfulness that makes her man think he's gonna get lucky that night. And when the time is ripe for activity, the proverbial headache or exhaustion creeps out of nowhere!! He can't help but think, "Shit I thought I did a good job at kissing your ass the whole day and now it looks like I'm gonna have to look forward to the shower yet again!"

The rules of grammar of a bastardized language like English often don't ascribe specific gender to majority of nouns. Hindi, on the other hand, is far richer from this standpoint. If you think about English words and use the gender connotation that Hindi provides to their corresponding counterparts, a lot of interesting facts are revealed.

"Car" is such a noun in English that bears feminine gender when considered in Hindi. More than the fact that cars are assembled electro-mechanical parts that often arouse men, they bear resemblance to women at a more fundamental level - Maintenance. Guys are creatures that usually exist by a live-and-let-live credo. They usually are less "detail-oriented" than women. For them, a birthday is just another day. I mean, "Heck I got OLDER by one year so what the fuck should I celebrate!" Now, women are so gung-ho about such specific days that if you don't show the same excitement or if you realize the occurrence of the occasion pretty late into that day or still worse, totally forget about it, your sleeping place is guaranteed to be on the couch for a week or so. Then despite complete foreknowledge, you are expected to fall prey to the Marketing and Advertising demons conjured by companies like Hallmark, Godiva, Lindt and spend money on buying gifts to make-believe you are on the same page as to the significance of this day to mankind. And remember, you are talking about hard-earned money that you were saving to spend on worthwhile stuff like DVDs, music CDs, a Bose system or a memory card (or "Bulbs" in my case). You are then expected to choose words carefully while you write some shit on the card, maybe light a couple of candles over dinner and be your best gentlemanly self....Too much maintenance!! And then Women Liberation Groups stage a dharna saying we reduce them to the level of "objects". Gross display of double standards! Well, if you expect us to maintain you like a commodity or an expensive gadget, I don't understand what's the fuss all about!?!

Bollywood is the most prolific movie-making industry on this planet. When we speak of movies (Hindi or otherwise), we usually say something like "Movie dekhi?" v/s "Movie dekha?" - Feminine gender, yet again. Hindi movies, in a lot of ways, DO provide a good representation of the female race.
-- Majority of them don't care for substance.
-- Most of them are centered around an emotion that defies logic and reasoning, creates complications in a man's life, robs him of freedom and peace and at best, creates an illusion of well-being.
-- Men (Producers and audience) usually pour a lot of money into them. (Side Note: There's a reason why Americans named their currency "Dollars" – 'cause it gets you them dolls!)
-- It takes many about 3 hours to climax!

I also think Hindi scholars in India must have been pretty smart. They created a word called "Aabaadi", a word that stands for "Population" in English, and then attributed feminine gender to it. I think there's a strong flavor of past experience and clairvoyance on their part in this one. Clairvoyance, that when it comes to the Indian population, there's a modicum of probability the numbers are gonna go down. Experience helped them relate it to Indian women. It's true - they rarely go down! I'm sure we are living in changing times but if you consider a large sample space, you would still discover a majority of women who still do not consider bestowment of oral pleasure, a viable instrument of expression of love towards their partner. I simply don't get it (pun intended)! To deprive men of that pleasure is doing disservice to God. Apart from Shahid Afridi, there’s a purpose behind the existence of everything on God's own planet. You think He gifted man the talent to invent a lollipop for whom?...kids!?! Hell no!! It was for women to derive a cue from. Likewise, there’s a reason why He conferred on women, the ability to sit on their knees. This is probably why when men stand, their waist reaches as much over the floor as it does now. Take a hint, ladies!

Recently, I bought a T-shirt from Spencer's that very well goes in tune with the aforementioned noble thought. It read, "Love Sucks, True Love Swallows" – I think women ought to make it the anthem of their lives.

Thirteen, but not the way you think!

2006-10-18T12:46:00.000-04:00

TIHSGFECSHHPOENTMOTWDILRLSIRTSIPKERRVWMHMIHOETNFSIEIIPBSDHNFIITTE
YIETIEBLHEIIOEEWIERENRAIIUPDSSLLTTEATHLHITSTFETRELERSAWRLRNATTCENT
CBHUIOAOEHMRHOLIFOATLAIICHRTLLNTLIGNHRINOUUSEPSNICDEUCEPUSNIDLESN
AAEIHETFHATTIDAPTRDLTRTBENKLNPIPENAOWMEESGLULNASHOETIHNANHLDETIS
IEBTSEJIPLSDNOIALCNEISPGNSEXLLNAGYSEYEMTTILCREONUNHAOEDNLRAEOXNEII
IEQJAEGTHAPRAROHUHLAEXFGMAEIMRBELYMWWTTTNTFRUUZASHAUOITORATAN
UATSTBCRNESRIBHBAIROHDQTMIMYSOAPPSSLFENIVOSKIUHLOITOTESEAWSAATAE
UHACPDTMSPAIIEMDTOEWESNGSELNENAAAVDHWMMHTCIETKSOIENYBTNAAIHNUT
TUTGASUGXENKBEAOHWAIWICREBOGATOBC

Not thirteen

2006-10-17T19:08:00.000-04:00

OCDNJIZDNXVGGZYIJO13WTHZWZXVPNZDOYJZNI'OPNZ13GZOOZMEPHKN.CJRZQZM,
DONODGGDNVXVZNVMXDKCZM.VGNJ,TJPRDGGIJODXZOCVODCVQZOVFZIJPOVG
GOCZNKVXZNOJHVFZOCDNEPNOVGDOOGZWDOHJMZYDAADXPGO.DATJPBZOOCDND
VHBJDIBOJNOJKPNDIBXVZNZMXDKCZMNJIXZVIYAJMVGG!

Thirteen

2006-10-17T14:38:00.000-04:00

Guvf vf pnyyrq gur ebg-13 be gur pnrfne pvcure. Vg vf bar bs gur zbfg fvzcyr pvcuref xabja gb zna. Rnpu yrggre vf fuvsgrq ol n tvira ahzore bs yrggref naq erjevggra. Frr vs lbh pna znantr gb qrpelcg guvf. Znvy zr gur nafjre. Vs zber guna 5 crbcyr pna qb vg, V jvyy cbfg n zber qvssvphyg pvcuregrkg. ZNVY ZR NG zrtuarrytber@tznvy.pbz

whats the world coming to ..

2006-10-10T01:03:00.000-04:00

I'll let the link do the talking.

Matka

2006-10-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

Incessant enthusiasm to while away time in office and the blatant lack of application for doing something worthwhile (workwise) led me to post this blog. Dedicated to all "Yantra" fans. Balls, Yeti will understand this immediately..the others will have to tickle their grey cells

Bot Dakhavnaara aahes tu kon? tujha doka firla asel
Chiklaat duble tujhe dole, mritakana jagavlaas tu
Kabrela chorun hima tak palnyaat,saboota jaalav
Sabnacha dabba, patte, kancha, ithe tithe dagad fekat firu nakos

Tu kevdhaa varti asasheel

Tondaat pay, dhungnaat doka, kay boltoyes tu?
Katheenay,yavar nachna baher khechi paryant, mulgaa

Tu kevdhaa varti as sheel

Chor,udhar ghe,dakhav vachav tujha kala tarka
Kangaaru jhala latkavla nishpaapla jury barobar

atta tu nilya rangacha radtoy, asel nimbacha ras
tujhyaa dolyachyat, jevha tu mutlaas majhya kitlivar

Tu kevdhaa varti as sheel

Bot Dakhavnaara aahes tu kon? bharun gelaes tu
Chiklaat dubley tujhe dole, harami maansa
Khotardya,vakeel, aarsa dakhav mala farak kay?
Kangaaru jhala latkavla nishpaapla jury barobar

Atta tu nilya rangacha radtoy, asel nimbacha ras
Tujhyaa dolyachyat, jevha tu mutlaas majhya kalya kitlivar

Tu kevdhaa varti assheel

Arre,Bot Dakhavnaara aahes tu kon?
Kon aahes tu mala jade bot dakhavnaara?
Tujhe Doka firla asel

Nilya rangacha radnaara

Khotardya,vakeel, aarsa dakhav mala farak kay?
Kangaarula chadlay, tu paapi aahes rajyaa saarkha

Atta tu nilya rangacha radtoy, asel nimbacha ras
Tujhyaa dolyachyat, jevha tu mutlaas majhya kalya kitlivar

Tu kevdha varti asasheel

Chiklaat duble tujhe dole
Chiklaat dublet gote tujhe
Ganja, baas, tujha doka firla asel.

- Aup

10000 on 10

2006-10-03T02:21:00.000-04:00

Enough of Tool 101 (mostly from Wiki) and now lets move on to the concert. Isis the opening act was a disaster. Poor vocals, music just going through the motions but on a positive note, they played only 3-4 songs before Tool took center-stage. They started off with a blistering version of Stinkfist and moved on to the more bass laden ‘The Pot’. We were pretty much way back and hence the first couple of songs just whizzed by surreally.

Coping Maynard’s poetic talents (visit his side-project…exquisite website) are band members who:

Worked as a Set designer and make-up artist for revolutionary movies like T2 and Jurassic Park (Adam Jones-Guitarist)
Plays percussion inspired by metaphysics and geometry (Danny Carey) and has every piece in his kit resembling a certain geometric figure.

Heavy downpour added to proceedings which coupled with the phantasmagoric music rendered the entire atmosphere an accentuated hallucination. It was only when the first guitar chords of Forty Six & 2 rammed into my eardrums did reality seep in. At this point in time, this remains my favorite Tool track and every note is correctly etched in my ever whimsical brain. The on-stage projections and the psychedelic colors and shapes on the big-screen were in plain Italiano ‘SPETTACOLARE’.

Admittedly, I’ve attended a better concert (Metallica-Norfolk), heard superior musicians live (Dream Theater-Reading) but this certainly was the best show I’ve ever attended.

Unsurprisingly, they started the Encore with probably their most ‘technical’ song – Lateralus which to me was the song of the night. As Maynard vocals ‘spiraled’ over the dark clouds, the on-stage projections changed from black to white and then subsequently to Red and yellow lasers took over to match the songs lyrics. It was an absolute thrill to watch especially if you knew the song verbatim (and of course if you had a better IQ that Forrest). The back-stage was was brightly decorated with small white bulbs which sprang to life when Maynard screamed “Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind” a-cheesy-la Ganpati decorations but fit in perfectly with the song like a glove. The current radio favorite ‘Vicarious’ immediately followed Lateralus which like the previous song was a master-class rendition. The band summed up the evening by rounding off with the crowd favourite Ænema where everyone just threw their hands up in the air when Maynard went: ‘I’m praying for rain’. It was truly a memorable sight. An exceptional night laced with a majestic performance, lighting and some terrific artwork.

Blighted with guilt, I confess; I don’t think I say this enough but Tool to me is the most intelligent band that you could possibly listen to. Their songs range from spirituality to prison sex, from Jungian psychology to religion, from philosophy to golden ratios. Tool is a very different band in the sense that they never appear on telly, rarely give interviews and never release the real meanings to any of their songs.

Aboard the plush shimmering silvery Acura after leaving the Tweeter center on a wet Thursday night, with a parched larynx, sore heels and a contented heart, I decided to break the blog’s hiatus and my indisposition to write concert reviews (even though I’ve many) as this Tool concert was certainly one of a kind.

Maynard was hitting every note to perfection and his voiced soared above Danny’s thunderous pounding, Adam’s mesmerizing solos and Justin’s rumbling bass. Jambi was up next…powerful, angry, sad and dark at the same time. Before you could take a deep breath, Justin started pounding on his bass with Schism. The beauty of all Tool songs is the brilliant melody upfront; typified by the cult classic Schism. Every note was right on the money till they hit what people term as the ‘bridge’ where Danny suddenly went INSANE and pounded his kit at supersonic speed. I stared blankly at Aup with a ‘wtf is he doing’ expression…which was duly reciprocated. Keenan then slowly moved towards the keyboards to play Lost Keys/Rosetta Stoned which was extremely good but the weakest link of the entire setlist (I would’ve gladly done with Parabola or better still…Right in Two). And then came the best part of the show, with Wings for Marie/10,000 Days started the stupendous LASER show. The song itself is capable of elevating you to a trance…the Lasers just added to the feeling. It did seem that the show had almost reached the pinnacle and it was the right time to take a break before the Encore.

(This blog is heavily inspired from the theme of Lateralus where syllables go according to Fibonacci series. Here the paragraphs are all jumbled and the correct order follows the Fibonacci series. The start of every paragraph is a ‘Fibonacci letter’ in BOLD . Just put those in the right order and you would get the correct flow of the blog. Hint - 1(A) 1(A) 2(B) etc....
You don’t enjoy a Tool song on the first go…you need atleast a couple of listens. That is what I’ve tried to capture here. You need to read the blog atleast twice to understand it correctly.
A blog on Tool has to be twisted else there is no meaning to it, and if you cant decipher this then you are not worth reading the blog, leave alone listening to Tool.)

Vande or not to Vande, that is the question

2006-09-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

Recently, I felt an ephemeral twang of nationalistic pride when someone filed a writ petition in some state high court asking that Vande Mataram should be sung every day at all government-run and government-funded educational institutions. I say ephemeral because it was short-lived. As I started thinking about this petition, I found it a bit too far-fetched. Moreover, it feels wrong to compel someone to sing a song that they don't want to sing. Even if they do sing it, if it's not going to swell their chest with pride, what use is singing it anyway? It would be like making a monkey hit a green button precisely three times. What does the green button do? Nothing with a capital n. What would they think of next? Should everyone have a peacock in their home? Should everyone play field hockey, have a Bengal Tiger as a pet, a Banyan tree in their backyard, and sport a Lotus on their head to be termed a patriot? I think not.

Tom, Dick & Harry…& Jerry...& to be continued…

2006-08-21T20:25:00.000-04:00

My name is Bhaiyya and as my dear friend “Ball” in utter disgust once said, I come from the deep ravines of Bihar. However, I do not live in Bihar anymore (fortunately or unfortunately); I have been living in Baltimore, MD for the past four years. A period of four years is a long time (just like prison time is a long time), I have seen a lot, done a lot during this time. Still remember the day I arrived, the day I met Ball and due to similar interests in Metal and bad habits (deemed by some), quickly became friends. I have met many jerks and the few good men who later on became my good friends after initial scrutinizing (sometimes I feel Airport security should learn scrutinizing luggage from me) and conflicts.

I have seen at least six generations of graduate students here, this experience is very common if you are a PhD student, however becomes unique in my case since I happily graduated from school two years ago but had to unhappily start working in the same area. Lots of people know me and I know many people in this town and somehow my position has become like an old clerk who knows everybody and everything about the office. Or to put it in a better way, a well-off old goon in the village who doesn’t do the real job anymore but every gang still holds him in high regards for his prior achievements. I am your man if you want the job done; most of the jobs being helping people move to Baltimore, away from Baltimore, join a new job, and a change of job. Here I have been inspired by Amitabh’s words from Coolie (with a slight ‘Bihari Club mix’): Sabki Naukri ka bhoj hum uthathe hain

My main expertise is to find cheap accommodation for you in Baltimore, to arrange for transportation; in a nutshell to make sure your transition is very smooth. If I cannot find a place for you; I will accommodate you with me, if I can’t suggest you something convenient for your transportation, I’ll give you a ride. Now getting inspired by Sanjay Dutt and the GREAT Dipak Tijori from ‘Sadak’ everyone in and around Baltimore started singing: Rehne ko ghar nahin…Sone ko bistar nahin….Apna to Bhaiyya hai rakhwalaa…Ab tak usee ne hai paala.

It all started when one of my undergrad friends from UT Austin, called me and said that his buddy, Tom, (The names of characters have been changed to protect their imbecilities) was moving to Baltimore to start his career. Career is a big word and somehow I got the impression that his career was in my hands! Next thing you know I was all over it, starting from asking somebody to give me a ride to the airport so that I can bring Tom home, offered him everything that I could. Helped him buy his car, helped him get his pathetic insurance quote because he had jumped a signal, was under 25 and was buying a new car. I patiently listened to his troubles until Tom moved to his apartment some 30-40 miles away from here.

I forgot to mention something here, Tom sent me his mugshots (before I met him for the first time) so that I could identify him, he also asked about the weather in Baltimore. Tom was coming in May, so I presumed that he was asking me about the winter. I told him, “dude! the cold will freeze your ass”. When I reached the airport, I saw a guy who had striking similarity to Tom’s mugshots and was wearing a winter jacket. I cautiously approached this guy and confirmed that he was Tom. The guy thought the cold weather in Baltimore in “winter of May” will freeze his ass. Holy cow! Is everybody from Texas so dumb? Anyway, so I had this feeling “you are a good man, Paul Rusesabagina”, you took care of everything for somebody, what a sense of achievement! Tom is very nice to me and all but somehow, I don’t hear from him a lot, he has become very busy with his life. Guess the next I would probably hear from him is when he would change his job and come to Baltimore…in essence to me for all of the above!!

Jerry was an acquaintance through Baba who became a good friend of mine before he decided to start his career in Baltimore. The friendship curve of Jerry is very steep, he may sound arrogant initially, but suddenly he would do something so ridiculous (scarred me for life), that you can’t stop laughing saying “Sala….ch***** hai”. I actually enjoyed helping out Jerry. It was a pleasure to spend time with him, have him as a roommate. I will not go into the gory details of my services (and let me be very clear here…NO! IT DID NOT INCLUDE A COMPLIMENTARY BJ) and to keep this blog short and not become like the one from Yatin. Services to Jerry were smooth transition to Baltimore and later on transition to far west, which resulted in the 3500 miles Great Road Trip. Overall, it was the best I had.

Along came Dick. BTW, Dick is short form for Richard, like the vice president’s short name (This piece of worthless trivia is one of the after effects of helping Jerry out…inane information!). The case with Dick was slightly different. Although he has been here for a while, which means the usual 2 year life of a “typical” graduate student, I had to be involved. Not only involved, but stretched the limits of my service domain by getting involved in pre career steps like ride for the interview and stuff. It was like taking a class 9^th kid for JEE preparation where every other kid had cleared 10^th exams.

On Saturday, I got a similar call from one of my buddies in California saying he had a FOB friend in Baltimore and wanted me to help him out. Seriously, FOB, he got off the boat couple of days ago. Let me call him Harry (Now inspired by Hari Narayan Shrivastav a.k.a Harry from Gol Maal….WHAT A PLAYER SIR!). So, after speaking to my buddy from California, I thought, okay I should call this guy up. I was in a party that afternoon and I didn’t want to go out again so later on I kind of postponed the call. About an hour later I got a SOS call from Harry. I appeased him saying don’t worry, I will help you out. And the same saga again, house and car (thank god! not the ride). Fortunately, he is not an engineer so I can’t really help him in his career moves. I drove about 25 miles one-way to meet this Harry guy, I drove because he doesn’t drive in the night :). I parked my car and on my way to the Marriot entrance I am stopped by a desi guy, and here he is in a nice party shirt, Levi jeans and chappals, wow! I suggested him to take some form of ID in case he wanted to drink. In response, he said something, which I didn’t quite get but it sounded like bouncers and bartenders in the old country recognized him that he was some guru in drinking. Apprehending his excitement, I was little worried that he might try to hit on the “bitches”. This kind of excitement is bad and has two types of consequences, worse and worst. Worse being, he is constantly hitting on somebody while he does not have a clue about doing it thereby creating an awkward situation. And, the worst being he actually gets a girl and I have to drive him so that he can get laid!!!

While driving by the shops to find the pub in Harry’s part of town, I had to tell him the brand of every car that was parked in answer to his questions. We found a nice bar and restaurant and we entered. While I stopped at the entrance to be seated, Harry kept walking and the server was shocked for a moment. I jumped in to tell the server that we wanted to go to the bar and Harry heard it and came back. While having the drinks, I gave Harry a short tutorial about life and culture in America like how to drive, how to say phone numbers and how to hunt, something, which I think puts me in gray area (the same old loop-de-loop). Turns out Harry is definitely better than the scary FOBs, he didn’t pay 1000 Rs for his drinks rather he paid 20$s and asked me about the tip. I am hoping to quickly get over with his business. I wish Tom, Jerry, Dick and Harry all the best in their career and I hope that my bit helped them achieve their career goals. Do I feel a sense of Power in Baltimore…Hell no! Thinking about it, what is power? Don Vito Corleone was powerful, everybody came to him for his help. What I did not realize was “with great power comes great responsibility”. I’m in a way institutionalized in Baltimore, I feel like a Guide singing the same song (again inspired by Amitabh from Don) to whoever comes to Baltimore for the first time : ‘Ee hain Baltimore Nagariya tu dekh babuwa…’

Through the lens of a loser lesser sociologist

2006-08-15T18:31:00.000-04:00

Furiously chugging away, on a Friday night, several delicious Smirnoff Oranges straight off rocks, Tool’s unique brand of psychedelic-metal playing on my laptop, I happened to be on our blog reading Sri's hilarious moment of frustration with MTNL and at the same time, recalled that he now has an offer from IBM India. So after writing a congratulatory note to him, my mind somehow, without the bearer's permission (you know how it is when you're down a few rapidly-consumed drinks), donned a pseudo-sociologist's robe and started pondering over the race of Indians, a race that's been copiously infiltrating the American soil since the 1960s.

It got a bit bolder and then decided to segregate the male desi population in America into 4 categories:
Category 1: Good old homegrown desis wishing to pursue Masters with average/above-average educational qualifications and many of them, with a resume that's as well-oiled as their scalp.
Category 2: The above category with a Masters diploma and 2-3 years of work-experience - the now-half-smartass, “ain’t nobody wiser than me”, complete-wannabe types.
Category 3: Thoroughbreds with a high-school (or equivalent) diploma and probably a dad with a very fat wallet, wanting to pursue undergraduate studies in the US, and
Category 4: Desis sown and grown in India, but only for a little while, who then migrated with their parents at age 9-10 or thereabouts, did pre-high school, high school, Bachelors, Masters (only if they didn't get a satisfactory dose of spanking inflicted by this education system) or a Ph.D (only if they had serious mental issues or an unfathomable love to be in school for that length in time)

For a quick second then, in that blissfully alcoholic state, my mind paused, much like the way my tongue does before it jets out a river of thoughts not before having translated them into stuttering sentences, and I could hear it say "How could I miss one of the most interesting categories? – The ABCDs!!"

Continued here....

Make hay while...

2006-08-11T13:07:00.000-04:00

Today morning was just like any other except for a gentle sense of relief borne out of an escapist’s realization of the approaching weekend. I adjusted the chair in my cubicle which had been facing away from the computer, a byproduct of my enthusiasm to rocket out of the workplace the previous day, and began sipping on a cup of coffee. My life’s marked with constant endeavor to earnestly evade hard work and the hour or so that I devote every morning to reading news and surfing for the same information over and over, seems to quite nicely fit the creed I live by.

It’s been in the news everywhere since yesterday – “British authorities foil a terrorist plan to blow up multiple airliners traveling between the United Kingdom and the United States of America, a plot to create mass murder on an unimaginable scale”.

Now it’s interesting to note the verbal grandiosity of the phrase “mass murder on an unimaginable scale” and its repeated occurrence on almost every site that has covered this episode. I don’t know about you, but I sure do smell a distinct whiff of Uncle Sam here.

US political honchos were quick in their propaganda of “being actively involved in working concertedly with the British government in identifying and nullifying this threat”. “The co-operation on this venture was excellent”, quoted Bush on NY Times. Right after I read the news yesterday morning, I had an uncanny feeling of America taking such a stand during the course of the day – and sure enough, they did not disappoint me.

Ever since 9/11, men with political power in the United States have tried to instill and disseminate fear in the minds of Americans. They invented a system of grading the possibility of a terrorist attack which anyone can get a glimpse of on any airport in the country. Periodically, they have got accustomed to messing with the “threat level” and making people aware of an unknown fear that lurks around the corner. When they were unsuccessful in burrowing out the alleged perpetrators, they turned their attention to Iraq. Using media as their weapon, they created an illusion of Iraq being involved in building “weapons of mass destruction” (again, note the verbal grandiosity I was talking about earlier) that could endanger lives of Americans, and you know the rest – no such weapons unearthed, commencing war on Iraq, apprehending Saddam, continuing war on Iraq, losing lives of American soldiers, killing Iraqi civilians, war continued, Private Green raping an adolescent and killing her family, and the list (and the war) goes on.

Ladies and gentlemen, with the US House elections around the corner in November, it’s time for another dose of fear! It’s time to join hands with the media again and make people believe that their safety and well-being ultimately rests in the hands of Republicans, a conglomeration of the noblest of men, who have relentlessly strived to wage a war on terror!

I strongly believe this incident is going to be well ruminated over by Bush and gang, in the next few months. They so desperately need this to distract focus of the American populace away from the stalemate in Iraq!

And to provide comic relief, Tasnim Aslam, a spokeswoman for the Pakistani Foreign Ministry joined the bandwagon today and was heard spitting on media microphones – “Pakistan played a very significant role in breaking this terrorist network”.

Oh yes baby! There’s absolutely no doubt about Pakistan’s intelligence quotient when it comes to huddling heads with the likes of The Scotland Yard and the CIA. There’s absolutely no doubt Pakistan would want to embrace this stance, especially after several of the suspects arrested so far, have their origin linked to that country. And we can understand if you want to divert the attention of the international community away from you after a spate of bomb explosions in Mumbai raised suspicion of your involvement. And not to forget, Pakistan has been lobbying hard to play tit-for-tat and nominate one of their own against Shashi Tharoor for the post of the UN Secretary General, and a “contribution to world peace” effort would stand them in good stead, if at all they find a wanker capable of nomination.

My friends, we ARE living in a Hollywood movie.

Hum Aapke Hain Kaun – What Am I to You (Re-Released 2006)

2006-08-07T02:07:00.000-04:00

Let me start by saying that the last few weeks in India, have been spent in mixed joy and sadness. The incessant pakoing that is Bhaiyya, the non stop chattering that is Gota, the omnipresence that is Aup, and Kausum are those that I kept most in touch with, and miss dearly, but not that much. Since it’s only been a month, exactly, and at this point everything is still somewhat Rosy, I may not miss the USA much at this point, but I must say that it is definitely not as bad as it seemed it would be. Seems obvious I would say that, but it would apply more to this scenario, than anything else that I may have used it for.

On to the topic of the blog, which is and you are right, about the movie, HAHK. Hum Aaapke Hain Kaun. It was being telecast on Zee Cinema, which nowadays in the little time I have to watch TV, has become my favorite channel, because one way or another, be it good or bad or absolutely average (like Kausum’s jokes), I am still entertained. So anyway, I am watching HAHK, right from the start, which is the black and white introduction with Salman and Madhuri singing the title track “Hum Aapke Hain Kaun” – to the audience. I am sitting on the couch, and unfortunately am unable to look at the screen, with Madhuri’s matured and not-yet-fallen-but-looking-big-and-juicy tits staring back at me in every alternate shot, I cannot stand the STUPID PASTY LISPY KANYA face that is Salman, and it was the start of the damn movie.

So anyway, that part I got through somehow and the rest of the movie seemed to be an absolute blur with some main points that I could think of viz.

(1) Every alternate shot until the last half hour I was forced to close my eyes because the light shines off the Battisee that is Renuka Shahane, and blinded me.

(2) Every alternate shot I was almost lulled to sleep by the incessant pakaoing that is Aloknath – and with him that villain of “Maine Pyar Kiya” (that langda guy who also eats stones and stuff in Mr India man) who acts all goody goody in this movie were just right to off me until

(3) Came the beautiful tits of Madhuri that were the only reason I kept watching them (oops, the movie). On a side note, it seems that my tits are getting quite large and almost all the women I see in Mumbai are very fit, and the “one fat guy in every group” logic seems only to apply to the group I am in.

(4) Every single song in the movie seems to have the same “Dhik tana Dhik tana” tune and HOW MANY SONGS! OH MY GOD!!!!!

(5) There is an absolutely nonsense character of Rita (Shakuntala Devi) that is introduced purely for one reason. TO DWARF THE SIZE OF MADHURI’s TITS!! Because she does nothing else, but bring attention to her BIG T&A.

(6) Salman Khan has no role in the movie, except to stand there and stare at Madhuri’s tits, which I must say is something that he does admirably.

There are several other things that irritated me, but I got to relive one of the most SANDAS movies of all time, when I thought it would be enjoyable. Before I move on though I must quote a particular dialogue from the movie, said by langda-villan-of-Maine-Pyar-Kiya-and-stone-dal-eater-of-Mr-India, and this was said, just after the 2 hour marriage scene and the Bahu, finally comes home to the sasuraal.

Handing her a book he says, “Bahu, yeh Ramayan hain, ismein Sita Hain”.

Arrey Bhenchodh!!!!! Ramayan mein Sita nahin hai to Dhuryodhan hai kya!!! (Aside from being completely random and absolutely nonsensical that is)

Like He-Man, there must be a moral of the story, and the moral of this story is that, I need to see every movie that I think is awesome from the mid 90s and come up with new and revised conclusions as to how good (and probably bad) they really are. I have been disappointed by Ram Lakhan, Baap Numberi beta Dus Numberi, and now HAHK. I really did think even though it was too long, it was a good movie, until the day before yesterday. Truth be told, I preferred Rain – The Terror within, starring Meghna Naidu, more than this movie, at least that one, was like Rudraksh and didn’t disappoint.

What is in a name???

2006-07-25T15:27:00.000-04:00

My name is Balakrishnan Ramachandran (and no Marw I’m not putting my full name here to increase the hits on me from Google ;-). Over the past 25 yrs or so since I’ve groped reality, my name has been raped to good effect. It started off with people calling me Bala (fair enough). It’s probably the most clichéd nick to any loser by the name of Balasubramanian or Balachandran or Balamurthy. As friends reached puberty, it gave them enormous thrill to tweak Bala to something lewd – Balls. Most of my childhood I lived with being called Balls except in one case where an idiot who for some reason started calling me ‘Bullock’.

I kinda liked it in a way…Balls sounded too cool till I arrived at UMBC and met a bhaiyya from the deep ravines of Bihar. Having failed in English a zillion times in high school, he didn’t understand the subtle nuances of a prefixes or past participles…Balls became ‘Ball’ and eventually in his native earthy Bihari translation became ‘Gota’. I sighed and accepted it thinking its one of kind from a person who is one of a kind too! How naïve was I!!! Whilst working at LCS, a Russian lady (reiterate it’s LADY not a girl…desp MOFOs) asked me my name. I sensed trouble but still held my breath (which was stinking anyways) to utter : B A L A. She shot back : How do you spell that “B A L L” ? We all know that the Russian alphabets are more or less mirror images of the English letters but this was just sodomy! I decided not to kill her thinking about her hungry relatives in Siberia.

Another person who has raped my name time and time again is my dear friend my Rupil Sant. He is one of those hard core Wren and Martin lovers who is fascinated by adverbs so much that every sentence of his has to have one (many a times a lot) ADVERB atleast. “Pathan kya fantastically bowling daala re….brilliantly daandi nikala maadarchod ka….level dekh re…GODLY hai”….so there you go. He had to contort my name into an “adverbly” name and thus….Ball became Bally. To add more misery he turned me into half Cantonese…Ballee. And to top it off and add Tata Namak to my carcass, he wrote a song-

Kissi Shayar ki Ghazal…BALEE
Kisi Jheel ka kamal…BALEE
Kahin to milega…Kabhi to milega
Aaj nahin to kal…BALEE

My dad doesn’t know of this…else he would die the most painful of deaths.

Apart from this, hordes of 'insignificants' have molested my name time and again.

Office - There is this Redneck accountant who calls me ‘Beala’, and Chinku who calls me ‘Bowla’ and a Sindhi wannabe white who calls me ‘Bayllah’.
Out side of Office - Dr. Phatak used to call me by my email address 'balakri' and one smart ass named Mahesh remixed that too to call me 'balki' on the cricket field.
I’m not sure if you guys have ever heard about a show on Animal planet called ‘The most Exxtreme’ where they rank animals according to most ferocious, protective, caring, predator etc. If there ever was to be a show “The most Exxtreme” name rapes, you sure do know who the winner would be!

Well the reason I started to write this blog (other than to make my boss think im really working) was another case of name molestation that happened today morning. I had to visit an eye doctor to replenish my contact lens quota. I filled out the application form and handed it out to the doctor who just screamed after looking at my name – “Holy Smoke!!! How in God’s holy name do you say that??” I condescendingly said – “Just call me Bala”. She still was pretty shell shocked as to how long my name was and quipped – “No offence meant but the entire thesaurus is in there.” I smiled wryly (yep another adverb ;-) and said “I don’t quite think so unless the Thesaurus is just 24 letters."She took notice that I wasn’t too impressed and pressed on to say – “Well in that case I’m just going to call you Bala24”

So there you go folks…another feather to my dad’s cap for making my life miserable. I’ve faced so much misery and ignominy regarding my name that it just doesn’t bother me anymore. But I’ve decided that I’m not going to make my sons life miserable. He would have a short name which nobody would be able to fuck around with….he would live happily ever after….I’m would name him Vekantachalapathi Balakrishnan.

Immigrant !!!

2006-07-20T09:52:00.000-04:00

This is a collection of events which has occurred with my friend Bhaiyya. Bhaiyya commands such respect in the country now, that he is considered a naturalized citizen rather than a non-immigrant.

Bhaiyya, comes from the same location, where Nalanda University existed in ancient times or where Laloo rules now. IIT educated Bhaiyya is a typical Indian. He has black hair, brown skin and Hindi which will put guys like me from Mumbai to think if its a foreign language. His English language is accented.

So our story starts at the beginning of this year, when Bhaiyya was searching for a new apartment to stay. He wanted to move to a new apartment after Mike left for the west coast and his inability to get a roommate for a 3BHK apartment was turning out to be a costly affair.

Bhaiyya was visiting a lot of rental places to enquire about rates and see apartments for himself. However, his applications are rejected by Rental agencies for "Having too high an income". Yes, dear readers, I was also surprised to hear of that being one of reasons to get rejected. Now, he is tired after a month long search accentuated by the rejections, strikes up a conversation with a random white guy at the gas station. They talk about different locations where apartments would be available and Bhaiyya discovers that some of them maybe available. However, the guy tries to warn him with good intentions, those areas contain a lot of foreigners, Asians and Indians. Imagine a white guy warning Bhaiyya about Asians ... Well Bhaiyya thought maybe he was considered a white. We said, maybe you are black.

This long weekend, we went to Raleigh, NC. Since we were 4 of us, we decided on travelling luxuriously in a big car. However, we got Nissan Sentra .. the smallest possible. More to our surprise, we saw that the car doesnt make 65mph without flooring the accelarator for more than 5 minutes. However, our dear Bhaiyya in a near stroke of genius while returning back, makes higher 70's for couple of minutes before climbing down. By the time car is back to speed limit, we pass an unmarked stationary cop car. The cop flashes its lights and asks us to get off the road. Resultant, Bhaiyya gets a speeding ticket at 78mph. However, after the initial tense situation of the cop and ticket, on our way back Bhaiyya discovers that the ticket has been marked as Caucasian White. Bhaiyya was now a White brother.

These incidents have emboldened Bhaiyya to consider himself a citizen. Infact, at a 3 way stop, near my school, which is a little wierd, the right turn does not need to stop, while all others are required to stop. Even the ones going straight are required to stop. So this guy who is from a different country stops, waiting for Bhaiyya to proceed. Bhaiyya waves him to go and then turns and tells me "Immigrants I tell you" !!!!

Note: Some actual events and related sequences have been modified for this article.

Kuwaiti Landmark Elections

2006-06-29T17:13:00.000-04:00

So I hear from BBC that Kuwait goes to the polls. So nu u might ask. Guess what this is the first time that women in Kuwait are allowed to stand for elections. That is quite archiac you would think...well let me just let the parrot out now. Its also the first time when women in Kuwait are allowed to vote!!! I was quite stunned to hear this quite frankly with Kuwait being a free port and stuff (correct me if I am wrong here).

As I delved more into the issue I was appaled to learn that Kuwait is the first country in the Gulf region to actually take this step. We are living in the 21st cenury for Christ's sake where women have gone on to become good leaders (and no I am not talking abt the Nasbandi psychotic Gandhi). I became more curious as to what the outlook of Kuwaiti women were as they take this historic step forward. I was stunned beyond belief to read quite a few women actually saying that its an extra burden on them! To come to think of it, such a bedouin outlook would evolve only with lack of proper education and a closed-box mentality.

57% of the electorate in Kuwait is of the fairer sex. That means for however long there has been a democracy in Kuwait, it has the veto only of less than half the population of the country. Pretty disturbing stats those. I also read here that a woman did't want to vote for other women as she thinks woman candidates needs to develop politically?? How does that make any sense. There is always going to be a first time and being a woman yourself you should be giving them the opportunity to lead your constituency. Isn't anti-incumbency a factor in your country? Shouldn't you try to give others a chance when the previous leaders have failed?

Its all very disturbing for me to read this when women have excelled in every sphere known to mankind and surpassed men in quite a few. Guess its hard for me to take this coming from a country with the largest democracy in the world. But its still going to be interesting to know if any woman actually gets elected!

-Balls

Are Brahmins elite or underprivileged?

2006-06-15T10:34:00.000-04:00

I was reading articles on arguments to both sides on the Reservation Issue and I saw this article on Rediff.

This makes it look like Brahmins are really the ones who need researvations now. There is another article which mentions how the anti-brahmin mindset developed in India.

Interesting Perspective on the issue.

Argument Clinic

2006-05-26T02:08:00.000-04:00

A dream come true ? :)

This is one of the funniest videos I have seen ... Enjoy!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen: The biggest sports event of the year is here

2006-05-25T00:23:00.000-04:00

So the football world cup starts in exactly 15 days from now. I know most of us are eagerly waiting this event...its gonna be a cracker. I had a brief conversation with Aup yday which had to be teared down coz of bhaiyya's ignorance :-). If you go by the past WC finals, the last really interesting un was the 1986 finals. The ones after that were absolutely drab. More often than not the really interesting stuff happens in the quaters or Semis (remember Brazil v Holland in the 94 and 98 WCs?). Imagine Brazil facing Argentina in a furious tension filled final...hmmm mouth watering to say the least. How i wish that a WC final cud be as tasty as probably the best match i've ever seen....Holland v Czech in the 2004 Euro....well i wud frankly be surprised if such a big occasion produces a classic...it hardly happens in any sport.

Going thru my same old cliched favs and support blog before any big series.....lemme start first. Frankly its hard to see beyond Brazil this time too and to me they certainly are the favourites. But im gonna stick out my neck a little and say that England wud win this. As far as my support goes...its always the same...Argentina first and Holland second...hard to support any one else. Nevertheless I certainly wudnt mind Czech or Portugal or England taking the honors. Hell i wud support anyone other that those miserly Italians, miserable Germans, over-rated Spanish Armada or the proud French....and for heavens sake not Brazil...its getting too repititive. Look forward to hear ur thoughts....

-Balls

IPOD taglines

2006-05-15T21:20:00.000-04:00

Thinking of buying a 30g IPOD but I am not able to come up with an apt tagline. I was thinking of leveraging Freaks Inc's creative quotient to pick one for my pod. Help needed..as you all know it should be a 23 character tagline.

-Aup

Tale of a TIP

2006-05-07T02:21:00.000-04:00

A shocking incident happened today. Chintan, Rachit and I had been to watch the movie "Darna mana Hai" in Burlington, NJ and on our way back decided to have dinner at "Minella's Diner" in Wayne, PA. Throughout the drive to Minella's we were pretty apprehensive about having to deal with one particular waiter, the Puerto Rican, who has undoubtedly got to be the rudest horse's arse of a personality alive. We sunk into our alloted booth and were thinking about what to order given that underprivileged menu. No prizes for guessing here that we were waited upon by the same guy who still doesnt seem to have found a job elsewhere. Surprisingly, I was greeted by a smile this time as he took my order for coffee and pancakes.
We finished our dinner and as usual we added the TIP of 4$ on a bill of 20 on the credit card itself, since no one had change in their pockets. As we were reversing our car out of the parking lot we saw that Puerto Rican waiter (PRW) approaching our car. I lowered the windows thinking that he is coming to give us something which we might have forgotten on our table.

PRW (throwing a 25 cent coin at us) : I don't need this..keep it for yourself.

I couldn't quite fathom the reason for such a reaction. Not knowing what hit us, we parked the car again thinking about going back in to clarify the reason for such an act.
As we went back in, I pointed my finger towards the waiter calling him to justify his act, but he chickened out and went back into the kitchen leaving another waiter and two waitresses to do the job.

Aup: I don't quite understand what did the PRW mean when he threw this 25 cent coin at us. What was he thiking.
The other waiter: He must have found that 25 cent coin on your table and he came to return it to you.
Us: Wait a minute..that can't be. He rudely threw the coin at us..so he might not be just returning our coin back. His body language would have been completely different had he come out to return the change we had spilled on the table.
The other waiter: You guys never TIP so he must have thought that 25 cents left on the table was the TIP.
Us: What?? First of all we have never walked out of any restaurant in the US without leaving a 15% TIP at least if not more. And even now, we have given a TIP and you can check it if you want.
Meanwhile, the owner of the shop just walked into the conversation and played a cameo. He had brought our receipt with him and pointed out the 4$ TIP. We stood vindicated but I still could not let him go on the basis of his apparent misjudgement.
Aup: I think that TIP is gratuity given with pleasure. If you give us horrible service there is no reason why I should leave a TIP. That apart I have never walked out of this place without leaving at least a 15% tip.
The other waiter: Then I am sorry sir, there has been a misunderstanding.
Us: We dont care. TIP or no TIP this is not a way to treat your customers
The other waiter and the waitresses: This will never happen again
Us: This won't happen again if we come here again. We will make sure that we don't come to this place again.
And we just walked out of there.

I was horrified with the treatment meted out to us and it surely does affect you cos you know that you haven't done anything wrong. A jerk just comes along and spoils your day so you should not let him go without clarifying and justifying your point. Hell..I don't even know why we argued with the other waiters instead of just taking the matter to the manager because after all don't birds of a feather flock together ?. We were just discussing on our way back that its rather better to just let this thing go because there is a reason why he is a waiter and somethings should just be !

The Rare Privilege

2006-04-27T20:59:00.000-04:00

Author's note: I had written this in the 11th standard for my college magazine, so don't critcize it too much :). Ran across it right now and thought maybe it will breathe some life into our blog.

The thing that intrigued me most on my first day at office
was that the house that was given to me as my ‘quarters’ had
an unbelievably good driveway. I was so impressed with the
asphalt that I asked my assistant as to how this was
achieved. My assistant, a tall thin man in his forties with a
droop in his shoulders that comes with age, said, "I haven’t
the slightest idea, sir. The men at the public works
department look after the necessary details." I left the
matter at that and proceeded with my work for the day.

My work day was always hectic. Get up at seven in the
morning, get ready by eight and be at office by nine. Then it
was work by the tonne -- the usual thing that comes with a
salaried position as a public servant. There was one thing
though. A chauffer-driven car used to drive me from my home
to the office. Every day, the asphalt road always used to
catch my eye, "How do they keep it so smooth?" I used to ask
myself. But then the work at the office was always so
burdening that I forgot it till the end of the day when I
came back in the car. I was puzzled -- 'Can’t the public
works department keep all the roads so fine? In that case, we
wouldn’t have road problems.'

It was Sunday morning. I was sleeping leisurely, happy in the
thought that I did not have to go to office today. I was
lazing around when suddenly, I was awakened by a sharp knock
on the door. "Come in!" I said a little irritated, cursing
whoever that was at the door for ruining my well-earned
rest. "Sorry to wake you up, sir, but today you have to go to
visit the children at the spastics society. The people at the
society are eager for a loan for the new computer wing they
are planning to set up."

'Spastics society? What spastics society? Who scheduled this
meeting?' I thought. "Okay, give me twenty minutes." Is all I
said to Mr. Basu, my assistant, "And is Rampal here?" I asked
referring to my chauffeur. I liked to call people by their
names rather than their designations. This was okay since I
was boss now but in my yesteryears, when I was a junior to
many people, my habit caused me a lot of problems! "The
chauffeur is here," said Mr. Basu. Obviously, he did not like
my way of looking at people. But he was a nice sort of a
chap, really.

In twenty minutes, I was ready and inside the car. "Zara
jaldi chalo, Rampal,(Be quick, Rampal)" I said as I got into
the car. Mr. Basu came in through the other door. Rampal only
nodded, he was not a talkative kind of character like most of
the chauffeurs I had met earlier in my life, he only spoke
when necessary, and such times were rare. But at the wheel he
was courageous to the point of being defiant. He could zip
through any kind of traffic with the grace of a panther going
through tall grass to catch its prey. I was also informed
that he was also trained in evasive driving, but I did not
believe it, after all what would a chauffeur do in Delhi’s
overcrowded streets? Well, my thoughts were now on what the
meeting was about. I did not remember anything being
mentioned. That was when Mr. Basu spoke, "The visit is just
to finalize the project and to grant the money." "Yes but
can’t someone else go?" "Well, sir, to tell you the truth, it
is good for your image if you yourself go!" Sometimes I
wondered how Mr. Basu could do everything, from managing my
day to looking after my image at the same time. Darned
asphalt road. The road was once again on my mind. 'Well,
right now, all the roads in the world can go to hell as long
as the one that takes me to the Spastics Society is without
any hitch.' The visit went smoothly. I really liked the way
the teachers of the society wanted to teach the children with
the aid of computers. The project was a very good one and I
had no problem whatsoever in sanctioning the loan.

While coming back, I was still thinking of the novel way that
the teachers had devised to improve the life of the poor
little children... The rest of the drive was uneventful. When
we were close to the driveway, on impulse, I asked Rampal to
stop. Rampal did as ordered. I got out and before the
personnel in the police car could do anything, got into the
front seat even as I ushered Rampal into the seat at the
side. I asked Rampal, "It must be a good feeling to drive on
that road?" I said pointing to the driveway. Rampal just
shrugged. He didn’t know what to say. I started the engine,
depressed the clutch, put the car in gear, stepped on the
accelerator and let the clutch go. The car lurched forward
with a screech of the tyres. I entered the driveway at full
speed, honking the horn. It felt good driving a car on the
fine asphalt road. The asphalt road, the clean, well-kept
asphalt road. I think it came as a privilege to the Prime
Minister of the country.

Another bloddy Friday

2006-04-01T02:21:00.000-05:00

I was thinking of what I was going to do this weekend and I had sort of planned out my week's work based on what I thought I was (going to do). Firstly, I needed to fill my tax forms and then the second and inevitable one ...be on call support for my 'run of the mill' Java programmer's job. So, when Jaadya called me on Tuesday expressing a desire to spend the weekend in Bhaiyya and my company I replied in the negative. The week flew past and everything went as planned. Finally it was Friday..it was either going to be the same old meet everyone and while away time weekend or accomplish something weekend.
Started off the day pretty well..got to work pretty early and the day seemed to progress well. Had forgotten my cell phone at home and hence there was no connection with the outside world once I was in office. The day ended at a miserable 6pm in the evening and I drove out when there were very few cars in the parking lot . At around 8.30, I just checked my voicemails and the text messages I had recieved and there sure were a myriad of them. Bhaiyya had hurled innumerable abuses which I chose to ignore and there were others who had left explicit voice-mails. Just before that, I had got to know that I wouldn't be on support for the weekend and decided to call up Jaadya. Surprisingly, he picked up the fone on the first ring and I was not treated to his disgusting stuttering voicemail "Hi..this is Srikant Sub...". Seemingly Jaadya had receivd a royal snub from all that were near and dear to him and was cooling his heels in "Hell's( His final destination..if there is any semblance of justice) Kitchen", NY. Apparently Bhaiyya had a deadline to meet and was unsure of making it to Philly and he had already conveyed his thoughts to Jaadya.When I called Bhaiyya, I learnt that the promise which he had given me ( that he would repay me by making a trip to Philly) was shockingly coming true. He was on 202 North and just 25 minutes away from my place. Jaadya immediately caught the 10.30 Amtrak from New york and after a quick dinner at Bahamas Breeze, I was driving on 76 to pick him up from 30th Street Station. The scenario had changed totally..it was wild, insanely fast and I didnt know what hit me with this rapid change of fortunes. It would give "Fight Club" a run for it's money. Mike had once told me..."life gives you shit ..just take it in our stride"..I couldn't agree more. The whole week I was thinking of having a productive weekend and instead I am resting my lazy ass on my couch at 2.54 am on Saturday morning, writing this worthless blog, lending a deaf ear to Jaadya's Sci-Fi movie stories and planning to play Taboo with Bhaiyya, Jaadya and Chintan . Deja vu ! just another freakin bloddy Friday. Andy Dufrain had said that "Hope is a beautiful thing".. I hope, I pray for that elusive weekend !

We deliver on time

2006-03-29T23:31:00.000-05:00

KK was to leave for India on Saturday and I had promised to drop him to the airport. Earlier Aup said he wudn't be able to make it that weekend. Friday evening I got a call from Aup--he was coming to Baltimore…he ofcourse had to kiss his langotia off to India.

We dropped KK to the airport 5 hrs earlier to make sure he doesn't miss his flight :) After leaving the airport I called up Balls and left a voice message saying “The package has been successfully shipped to India.”

Later we goofed around at Ash's (Aup's friend) place, had a good time. Sunday I needed a break and even though Aup's purposeful visit was served, he wouldn’t leave. I expressed (begged / pleaded) in a subtle manner (which is something missing in me--Jhadiya) with an excuse that I needed to go to work. Aup was in no mood to leave, I had to make somebody call me from work and the trick worked. Finally, Aup left for Philly.

In the meanwhile I got a voice message from Balls asking for the tracking number for the shipment to India. I emailed him about the tracking number he requested.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Customer,

As per our telephonic conversation, you requested tracking number for the package IAD->BOM. Our company, Fast Courier Company (FCC), does not provide the tracking number for the shipments. All our shipments reach the destination within 48 hrs and then we provide the proof of delivery, which you will find below.

Sincerely,
FCC
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Hi,

Reached India safely. Flight ekdum khaali tha .. soke gaaya ...

Kausum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Balls was quite happy with the delivery and he replied

Dear FCC,
Thanks for your prompt delivery and response. Not only is your International delivery quick and on-time, it was evident to me yesterday that your domestic shipment time is impressive too. (I'm referring to the exceptionally fast "good riddance" delivery performed on heavy equipment to Philly). Thanx again for your excellent response time...i dont have to look
anywhere else now!!
A happy customer.

I forwarded the customer's response to Aup

Aup,

Baba ki Jai ho !!
Below you will find the response from one of our major clients..
Balls inc.

FCC

Aup Baba ki tisri aankh khul gayi. In a fit of anger he replied back to the courier company as follows:

FCC is very efficient. It uses the "good riddance" to ship the international delivery and then ships the "good riddance" itself forcefully. I take an oath that I will not set foot in Baltimore.

-A

I was scared of the laser beam which was about to shoot off from tisri aankh and turn me into ashes and dust. I had to appease the Baba so I offered him my sincere apologies and some free coupons…

Dear Customers and Packages,

It has come to our knowledge that some of our "heavy" shipments are not very happy with the treatment given to them. We would like to mention that our focus is on the cheapest, most reliable and efficient service to our dedicated customers. We apologize for the inconvenience caused, but please understand that its all business nothing personal. We would like to offer you a coupon for two samosas and we do appreciate your business.
Thanks You,
Regards,
FCC

Ladies and gentlemen - the Biggest star of indian film is

2006-03-27T20:15:00.000-05:00

A while ago, I read an article on one of the websites, on how Amitabh reinvented himself to regain his popularity. I am going to give you a gist of the same since I cannot find it.

As we all know Amit’s stardom image began with the ‘Angry young man’, from Zanjeer, and as audiences ate of that up, he began to give hit after hit, and became ‘The Superstar’. The article then went on to talk about the different types of roles, famous monologues, and then the end of the era of amitabh, with Khuda Gawah. Following that movie, Amitabh took a break for a few years. He started up again as he did before, making an impact with his voice, in Tere Mere Sapne. Unfortunately we all know what happened with Lal Baadshah and Bade Miyan Chhote Miyan.

The turning point, was however, Mohabbatein, where he played a role more suited to his age and persona. Even though it sucked, it brought showed amitabh as someone with flaws, as someone who makes horrible mistakes. Then came KBC that brought Amitabh into the home, and the image change. He became the old guy that you can identify with, the funny side, the layers of amitabh were exposed and using that, amitabh has done several advertisements, and such and firmly established himself once again as a bonified superstar. This time however, he is much more in sync with the masses.

I am thinking of this because, lately, over the last few months, I have noticed that Shahrukh Khan is also trying to do the same, and many of the stars are doing so as well. A while ago, like maybe 10 years, it was a big deal for Shahrukh to appear on the small screen, I remember a famous Ad that he did with the Mrs Universe female, which was initially supposed to be aishwarya rai. Nowadays however, his image is being fed to all in the small screen in the form of Ads, like Lux and and the web like ICICI Bank stuff.

My theory with this is that, Shahrukh, for now in many people’s eyes is the greatest film star – ever. There are several people – like some of us – who disagree. I believe that if Shahrukh, is a smart businessman, or had smart people to do thinking for him, then he, can be and probably will be the BIGGEST superstar of Indian film. I think he has already begun this process, what do you think?

Easter Sunday

2006-03-21T10:15:00.000-05:00

I started to write a comment on the article that Aup had posted, but suddenly realized that I had a lot more to say, myriad of thoughts to share but a few words to string together. I am as despondent and confused about the whole issue as many of you are…worrying about our land’s favorite son and the Kohinoor of our cricket team. For 16 years I’ve seen him fight it out against all odds, for 16 years I’ve seen him as the last and only man standing, for 16 years I’ve seen his commitment towards the sport and country…yes I’ve followed him closely for 16 years and there has to be a reason for it; divinity is the only thing that comes to mind.

An expectant Sunday crowd, the team in a precarious position and enter the prodigal son in his own backyard. True he is completely out of sorts, true he played a bad shot at a critical juncture, true he disappointed millions…but it was a gesture that pinned the healing hand by deep nails. Nothing justifies the catcalls even though I know for a fact that not a single soul would wish HIM ill. But as I see it, I fathom it to be totally selfish gesture on the crowds’ part to satiate their thirst for a holiday thrill ride and to have their monies worth. When HE has illuminated many a bleak night, when HE has defied the very definition of odds, when HE has held his dignity and poise around all the muck that was the fixing scandal and when HE needed our backing when HE was down, all we do was leave HIM in the cold and then push HIM in the grave. And we talk about short term memory loss as a rare syndrome…tch tch.

I Hope that HE comes out fighting all odds…..again.

I Hope that HE plays an innings on the last day to hand us a crunching win.

I Hope that the crowds realize their folly very soon.

I Hope that the dark Sunday afternoon is HIS resurrection Easter Sunday.

I Hope….I Pray.

Emotionally

-Balls
P.S. The last para might sound Shawshankish...but as is the central message of the movie, Hope is something that can never be snatched away from us.

Cmon Sachin !!

2006-03-20T22:22:00.000-05:00

One of the most mature descriptions on the current hot topic...the form of Sachin Tendulkar. I know Balls and I would definitely concur "lets not go thyair". But this article from the Hindu summarizes in a non (2 minute recompilation) way about how mindless and foolish we have been in our expectations from this cricketing genius.

Here's a link
http://www.hindu.com/2006/03/21/stories/2006032110371800.htm

You will love this

2006-02-22T00:20:00.000-05:00

I just got off the phone with some of you guys. Also I figured that its time that I post something on the blog - mindful of the fact that I will very well be taken off the 'regular' list. For all who do not know and for all who do not care, I have spent the last 5 days in Aup Baba's shelter. He said that I could stay for a couple of days if I wanted to (and therein lies the problem - for him). Granted that he probably wanted me to stay just for company while he went car shopping, it might have suited him better to just tell me that, so that the boundary was clear. I am to leave as soon as the task is complete. Unfortunately, he did not make that distinction and I fully intend to take him to the cleaners. This could be quite literal, since he does not have an in-house laundry room.

I am typing this blog on Aup's old laptop. I would like to say that I feel like I am on the sidewalk, under a flickering street light in mumbai. In know that you guys are going to take a couple of digs at me on this. One probably being that I could never be one of those poor, underprivileged kids who actually do that, and two on a personal note, "Jis couch par tu baitha hai, aur jis laptop par tu blog likh raha hai, uska paisa maine bhara hai."

For anyone who expects me to come to a specific point, you will be sorely disappointed. The only things that I can think of right now, are religion and the cost effectiveness of using EZ-Pass on the highways. The latter would be a recap of a discussion that Bhaiyya a.k.a. Pu-Pu had on a drive. So basically I have just written this blog in the hope that you have taken time out from something very important. Think of how much more productive your time could have been.

NOTE: All aforesaid information is copyright to Freaks Inc. and in specific to Srikant Subramanian. Any duplication of such material in any form must be properly documented and specific permission must be gained from the author of the blog. Any violation will result in an Immediate Dafa 302 and will be sentenced to Death by Hanging. Or even worse you will have to smell my socks.

aaj ki taaza khabar ...

2006-02-14T17:09:00.000-05:00

The biggest scandal of our times to be exposed.

Full story to follow shortly ... keep watching this space.

All the best Jaadya !

2006-02-14T14:05:00.000-05:00

Just sticking to the tradition of writing farewell notes when anyone leaves Baltimore. Damn..no one wrote me one..but I guess that is because of my perpetual weekend visits. Heres one for Jaadya.

It was in the year 2003
That I made a friend called Sri
Come 2004
We were freaks to the core

Fools and idiots I did fend
To make a true, valuable friend
Though I never miss to take a dig
At this fat disgusting pig

Petty squabbles and many a fight
Ensured our friendship stayed tight
Glimpses of humor he showed was wry
You'd laugh and laugh till you cry

Cricket, football, hard rock
Hours and hours on it we would talk
"Trance if my fav", he stood his stance
Never missed to break into a Helen dance

24 hours he'd eat and eat
An apetite too tough to beat
One thing that he did wrong
Was forget to hide his pink thong

Typos and mistakes over the top
And he nicknamed me Aup
Ballsy sure did return his favor
"Lookatheem", a nick to savor

Though not the leader of the troop
But, mighty integral to the group
To open out, when you need a friend
He's truly a godsend

A move we didnt foresee
That you'd be moving to New Jersey
The times spent in Baltimore
Will soon be days of yore

It is said que sera sera
Surely is the end of an era
But if you ever happen to feel alone
We're all here, dont hesitate to phone

May your guiding light be strong
May you never put ahead a foot wrong
Best wishes and goodluck I send
Adios till we meet during the weekend

Another one bites the dust

2006-02-12T16:42:00.000-05:00

A while ago, a lot of ppl wrote 55-word stories (pretty much self-explanatory but anyways these are stories which have a 55 word limit) and tagged other bloggers to write the same. No body ever tagged me, but anyways here it goes ... and I tag all Freaks to write one as well.

------------------------------------------------------------
A casual glance at his PDA
And Dr. Toad* groans
"Not another masters thesis defense!"
That's something he bemoans

He flips a coin to decide
The damn coin's queer
He ponders hard
Finally enlightenment is near

It's not about the student
Never about the mood
Only hard thing to ignore
Is the fattening free food

------------------------------------------------------------

*could be a professor in any US university

Sarfaroshi ki tamanna

2006-02-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

Got a chance to see Rang de Basanti yesterday...very nice movie.
My only complaint was that they took the initial comic scenes way overboard...they cudve cut that crap a wee bit and made the movie short and sweet. Not that the comedy or comic timing was bad...but it essentially split the movie between intermissions as "A comedy caper" and "The Awakening". What was really striking about the movie was the parallels that the director took between the five freedom fighters and the bunch of frnds set in contemporary India. Another really moving part was te rendition of that eternal poem....which goes like this:

sarfaroshi ki tamana ab hamare dil main hai
dekhna hai zor kitna bazu-e-qatil main hai

karta nahi kyon dusara kuch bat-chit
dekhata hun main jise vo chup teri mahfil main hai

ai shahid-e-mulk-o-millat main tere upar nisar
ab teri himat ka charcha gair ki mahfil main hai

vaqt ane de bata denge tujhe ai asman
ham abhi se kya batayen kya hamare dil main hai

khinch kar lai hain sab ko qatl hone ki ummid
ashiqon ka aj jamghat kucha-e-qatil main hai

sarfaroshi ki tamana ab hamare dil main hai
dekhna hai zor kitna bazu-e-qatil main hai

which one are you

2006-02-03T13:36:00.000-05:00

++ which one are you

I think we are a manifestation of atleast one of the three characters from Dil Chahta Hai. Which one do you think you closely relate to ?

For those who do not remember, I am talking about Akash, Sameer and Siddharth.

To me these are a couple -

Bala is the closest we have to Akaash. Trying to be a rebel on the outside, yet behind the rebellious exterior; I have always found a very traditional or should I call it run of the mill person (for lack of a better phrase). Picking on people might be his favorite activity but then he also gets very emotionally attached to the people around him. This may sound a bit different from the Akaash, but it really is not. Akaash is a bit more wary in getting emotionally attached to people but he too is involved emotionally with all his relationships. And I can just see a fallout like the one between Akaash and Siddharth happening to Bala so very easily.

Vishal is a specter of Siddharth. Quiet but resolute. He knows what he wants and he will strive hard to achieve it. There is a him which he will not reveal to anybody. There is a huge jump one needs to make to know him which is difficult to the extreme of impossibility. He is the true rebel. He is the one who does something because he thinks it is correct and wants to do it not caring about anybody else around him.

In myself I see a bit of Akaash and a lot of Sameer. I get swayed by people easily. Thoroughly confused. I never know what I want or what I like. Will leave the rest of the assessment on me to others.

Comment away ... about any of the people we know. Maybe we could take a more generalised approach and just say which movie character do we relate somebody with the most.

Random musings

2006-02-01T20:43:00.000-05:00

I was harping about how difficult it is to put the whole experience of being back in India into words.Was thinking more on the lines of listing out the main experiences and providing brief snippets of the rest of the trip... nothing but incessant hogging and very little substance.I decided to come out of the shroud of vagueness surrounding this 'coming up with a blog' thing and make a transition from my dormant state to a contributing one.

One of the things which concerned me during my recent trip to India was the misconstrual of the general idea of westernization, particularly amongst one section of the crowd, BPO employees (majority of whom I met). If one decides to follow the west, I believe he should be targeting the greater good, which it has to offer. Instead, speaking with an affected accent, hanging out at coffee shops, owning the latest IPODs and senseless, maniacal shopping at the mall seem to be the interpretations. I will dissect each of the points I mentioned in further detail

1. The accent: Shouldn't the focus be more on enunciation? well its clearly not. It is just a veil used by the linguistically challenged to hide their ineptitude. Take our case..what has changed about the way we speak? I think that we speak slow and clear now than we used to four years ago. Accents do undergo change but it(the change) is gradual. Enter XYZ, a person in my locality who joined a BPO in September. Here is the transcript of a conversation I had with him

XYZ (sporting a knee length Tee with a as-low-as-low-can-get pair of jeans and a NY Yankees bandana):
Yo man..whassup dude.
Aup: Chal raha hai yaar..tu kaisa kai?
XYZ: Man damn..keeping f***in busy man..skejule is scwevy
Aup: Whom do you work for?
XYZ: ABC consultants man..work the 9pm-4am graveyard shift.
Aup: Tere saath khade rehke aise lag raha hai ki mein nahi tu 4 saal US mein rehke aaya hai.
XYZ: Stop pullin my leg dude..you crackin me up
Aup: ( failing to srike any meaningful conversation) Chal yaar..I'll see you around. Thoda bahar jaana hai.
XYZ: Aite yo..ciao..laterz

2. Cafe Coffee Day: This is is a double edged sword. First of all it is expensive and on top of that the coffee sucks. Had visited this place in Bangalore and had a cup of lousy coffee with a tiny portion of pretentious brownie. The prices were dollar equivalents. Same day evening I had coffee at the Indian Coffee House on MG Road. Better coffee, 1/10th the price ..you do the math. Cafe Coffee Day or Barista for that matter try to be the Indian equivalents of Starbucks, but fail miserably at it. Starbucks , a coffee shop round the corner serves excellent coffee and most people sit there and work. Cafe Coffee Day, its Indian counterpart if you would like to call it one, is a place where budding relationships start on a wrong note.

3. Owning the latest IPODs and shopping at malls: Presenting DEF, a 1st year BCom student in Mithibhai college, who owns the latest IPOD mini black and also a Power Mac G4.He needs it because BCom studies can get pretty tough..you need the latest and greatest in technology.So what if you are a commerce student, studies are technology intensive, aren't they?. And to chill off once in a while, what better than listening to the latest 'Aashiq banaya aapne' song on your mini.His wardrobe features the latest "Zamkudi" fashion shirts from "Raghu-Leela" mall in Kandivli and did I forget to mention his hair color -- "brown with blonde streaks". Enough said

The only positive I can draw from my above experience is that people have money and it is getting into the market,which is good.The same item from the general store "Apsara Novelty Store", costs thrice as much in a similar shop in the mall, but surprisingly there are more than one buyers. I can't help but feel disappointed over this contagious wannabeism. I am not asking for a status quo ante because youth has to be affected by the winds of change.But isn't this kind of wannabeism a state of alienation from the self in a sense that the ‘being’ one now has is not worth having,and so must be exchanged for another. Doesn't that purely qualify as self-loathing?

Which position do you think is the most difficult for a batsman?

2006-01-25T19:51:00.000-05:00

Having seen (followed essentially) India's reply in the last two tests, I was wondering as to which batting position is the most crucial for a team's success. I am going to split the entire argument into

two factors:
1. Stability and
2. Ability to take the attack to the opponents
So logically if I have to dissect the importance of each position, I would have to first come up with a break up the role for each slot.

Openers(1,2): See the new ball off and provide a good base.
Middle order(3,4,5): Build on the platform provided by the openers or re-build a top-order collapse.
Lower Middle order(6,7): Rebuild a horrendous top and middle order collapse or hit out/late surge to score quick and eat less time.
Lower order: Pointless.

Building on the same grounds, the deal with the openers is that they are always in a frame of mind to face the music from the quickies. They always start from square one, 0/0. You might argue that if the opponents post a huge score, the openers are under huge pressure. I could argue that the pressure is even more on the person coming next with the burden of an early loss and a tall score to chase. And hence I think that number 3 is the most crucial position for any team and has to be the most technically gifted player in the side. It has more often than not been the case... Dravid, Kallis, Ponting, Sangakarra etc.
Effectively the have no clue as to when they would go in next after the start of play.

Another position which is very important is number 7. Essentially where Dhoni/Gilly play. This is so very important because they have to play with the rest of the lower order. Also they are expected to do damage control with a minimal set of resources in trying conditions (the bowlers are all fired up at the propsect of wickets with the tail in to play :)) when the top order has failed the expectations of them.

Not to undermine the importance of the middle order .. but it seems to me that these two are the most critical positions or should I say the ones with the most responsibility.

Credits : Bala for writing most of the blog. :)

african proverb

2006-01-22T01:03:00.000-05:00

a very nice and thought provoking verse i came across ...

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesnt matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.

Sports in 2005

2006-01-16T18:35:00.000-05:00

We did see a lot of sports last year. I would like to recount some sporting events which were surprises and some not so surprising.

Formula 1

Michael Schumacher fails to win a single grand prix this year. Ferrari fails to win a single Gran Prix. He did win the Indianapolis but then that doesnt count with hardly any opponents. All credits to Renault and Mclaren for a strong showing. Alonso and Raikonnen shares most of the honours.

Tennis

Federer wins Wimbeldon Championship 3rd time in a row. And not to say of Sania Mirza coming in the 25 in the WTA rankings.

Soccer

Liverpool wins Champions League. Infact, they win as Schevchenko fails to convert a penalty. Do remember that a couple of years ago, Schevchenko scored for Milan for their Champions League win.

Cricket

Australia loses Ashes to England after winning for who knows how long.
Sachin crosses Gavaskar's Record to make his 35th Century.
Lara crosses the Allan Borders Highest test score.

Ice Hockey

NHL Professional Season for 2005 was not organized due to player union and organiser standoffs.

Lets see what this year has in store

The Two Brothers - Welcome Home (Sanitarium)!!!

2006-01-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

Background :- You have been introduced to who the freaks are in the post "The Freaks" and then the tale starts with the first installment - "Brotherhood of the Freaks" where Brothers, Step Brothers, Leeches, Paparazzi's, Tapeworm's and Ammas were introduced. We will now move ahead to the second installment in the tale "The Two Brothers".

This tale starts from the fag end of the Brotherhood of Freaks, where as the Freaks were parting ways, Two Brothers, Balls and Yatin decided to call the brotherhood for a reunion and house warming party at their new house. Aup was returning back to the cherished land so he would not be able to join the brotherhood pilgrimage but all the other Brothers decided to be a part of the pilgrimage. Brothers on the West Coast would understandably not be able to join while Balls dream of catfight between two ammas were not to be realized this time around.

The Two Brothers wanted the Brotherhood to join them before the new year to help them shift but brothers being intelligent themselves decided to join only after the entire shifting to the new house was complete. Still afraid of helping the Twins, vcd decided to dropout at the last moment so only Bhaiyya, Srikant and KK made the pilgrimage to Raleigh from Baltimore where the Twin Brothers were waiting.

The Festival (Plan of Action as scripted by Balls)

30th December
Brothers from Baltimore reach Raleigh as early as possible (by 6pm atmost), get rest for the mind with some music, stomach with some home cooked Pav Bhaji (courtesy Balls), some drinks to go with it and innumerable Beedis to sooth the fraying nerves. Keep talking late into the nite before we sleep.

31st December
Lunch at Tower of India a desi place in Raleigh. Go for shopping to prepare for the New Year Eve Feast and then prepare the feast. Celebrate the new year with Beedis, Drinks and food. Yeti playing the Base guitar on

1st January
Relaaaaaax after a overcoming the huge hangover. Talk/ Chat/ Listen to Music/ Watch Movies.

2nd January
End of the pilgrimage. Wake up late, have lunch, pack up and return back to Baltimore.

What Actually Happened

30th December :-
I am trying to reach Bhaiyya and Srikant from 9am. No response until 10.30 am when finally Bhaiyya wakes up. Srikant is still sleeping or dazed. We discuss on leaving at around 12 after which Bhaiyya with such heavy planning feels tired and takes a power nap. Finally, eveybody rose around 12 where they pick me up, Srikant packs his stuff. After that we all go to Bhaiyya's place for Bhaiyya to get ready and pack his stuff. We also stop over at Vcd's place to carry Balls last remains from Baltimore.

Balls informs us his the confirmation of getting the job. So now the trip had 3 main purposes:- New Year Party, Housewarming Party and Balls Job Celebrations

When all this is completed it is already 2.30pm and we head to Chippotle's for lunch. After around 3.30 Srikant sees that his cell is in the house and we go for the pickup. Balls calls around 4pm where we are having beedi and we decide to tell him that we have already covered 70 miles on road and stuck in slow moving holiday traffic. Balls being the persistent kind wants more info and Bhaiyya with amzing dexterity gives non-existent information and factually incorrect. (Balls unaware of it until he reads it on the blog)

Finally, leaving at 4.30pm from Baltimore, we are on the road and we do get a good paced holiday traffic and no delays until Raleigh where we finally reach 9.30pm.

When we were at the outskirts of Raleigh, we hear a horrible news. Balls was still at work. There went our dreams of reaching and having hot Pav Bhaji. Now we knew food would be a distant dream. We brace ourselves for it as we reach the Sanitarium.

Entering the fabulous house and having a tour of it Srikant's first comment which sums up the description :-

" You guys have got a very good setup. Good Jobs, Good place, Home theatre System, Patio & a nice View, Good Rooms, attached Bathrooms, cheap rent and to top it all .... A Bai* ...."

After sometime Amma decides to encourage the Two Brothers to finally cook as she was famished and the brothers take a cue and around midnight we finally have an awesome dal from Yeti and Aloo ka sabzi from Balls and Ras Malai as dessert.

We retire late in the nite to have Balls initiates a discussion. When we were discussing we hear the sounds from the other room ... Srikant snoring away to glory. Actually he was suffering from cold and that amplified the snores.

Balls makes a comment on my and Bhaiyyas snoring and says he never snores. Late in the nite, I and Bhaiyya are still continuing our discussion when we hear another snoring sound in the room. Balls asleep and snoring loudly.

31st December
We wake up early in the day (1pm) and by the time we rise and shine Tower of India decides to close its shutter. Undeterred, Bhaiyya decides to cook Egg Bhurji while Srikant makes tea and we eat Lunch.

Yeti arrives with ingredients for the feast. Main Course was Pulav(Balls), Gobi Manchurian(KK), Chikken Tikka (Bhaiyya), Mutton Nihari (Yeti), Raita (KK). While drinks included Beer and Brandy. Not to Mention Amma did most of the cutting and cleaning of vegetables and rice.

The new year was heralded with smoking a couple of Cigars and after that we started with Heavy Metal session with Yeti playing the Base Guitar for most of the songs. It was really awesome. The brotherhood also sang to songs and did a pretty decent job.

1st January
National Hangover Day. The brotherhood rose after 2pm. Amma rose at 1pm to fall asleep again after talking to Balls, until 5pm. Lunch was yesterday's leftovers. After that a Shtaarbucks trip for fresh air and Balls deciding to make the Pav Bhaaji. Yeti decides to make Turkey Kababs and brandy to go with it. We also started watching movies from Balls DVD collection as we had dinner. I also got my ROCK 101 lesson.

We all went to sleep and I started snoring so loudly, that Srikant infact had to go to a different room to sleep. It was that bad but when he changed rooms he heard Bhaiyya and Balls discussing about Voltage Transformers ... he just could'nt believe it .... Was this a dream ? He still asks himself till this day.

2nd January
Gorging on the fabulous Kababs from yesterday and Pav Bhaaji we give the Twin Brothers Housewarming gifts before we head back for our karma-bhoomi. On the way we do have serious discussions on patriotism before we stop at waffle house for dinner and we realize the dream-trip was over.

I hope the third installment of the tale would soon be out. The Return of the Baba.

============================================================================

*Bai :- Also referred to as Amma-II. She was arranging Yeti's closet when we met her this time. Apparently, she did most of the moving of the Twin Brothers stuff to the new place. We did hear the incident of Balls unable to pick up the TV and infact getting crushed by the sheer weight of it before Amma non-chalantly picks it up to move it. Also, were several similar incidents about the sofa etc.

Always nostalgic ...

2006-01-04T18:14:00.000-05:00

I got a mail from Kausum today which had a picture of a rekdiwaalah making tea somewhere in Bombay. That got me thinking as to why do we always have to feel nostalgic about anything related to Bombay or India. Pictures of a cutting chai waalah, Marine Drive, a BEST bus, local trains, a boy flying kite standing on a platform roof, anything and everything to do with Bombay/India ... why do they have to make us nostalgic and if they don’t then people make us believe there is something wrong with us, that we are unpatriotic, that we have become Americanized, in short ... we have lost it.

According to me this all-the-time nostalgia is not justified at all. 3 or how many ever years back we had 2 choices in front of us; either continue studying/working in India or come to the US for studying/working. We had 2 clear choices. We understood the consequences of picking each choice. And we chose to come over here for earning those American Dollars. And that’s what we are doing right now. Now if we think that we are missing so much by staying over here then we should move back. But no, we don’t want to move back also, we want to earn dollars.

In that case, we should get over this all-the-time nostalgia phase and accept the present as it is. We should learn to live in the present. We are in the US and that’s the present. India/Bombay is a thing of the past and maybe (hopefully ... definitely) of the future, but its certainly ain’t the present. We are losing precious present over a thing of the past; past which will always be there, past which cannot be changed.

Nostalgia is just glorified cribbing .... methinks.

Was this close…

2005-12-21T23:05:00.000-05:00

I’m in a confession mood right now. Going with the flow, I am going to recall an incident that happened with me on a rainy afternoon in Bombay back in 2001. This was the time when I was working for Microland as a Snr. Systems Engineer (recently promoted that too). I was working on-site at Procter & Gamble in a dilapidated little building in Mahalakshmi. I had to go to my main office in Andheri to sign and accept my promotion.

Since it was raining heavily, I decided to take a cab to Andheri even though it would have cost me a fortune. Unfortunately it was raining so heavily that I couldn’t even find a cab. The traffic was moving at a snail’s pace due to the incessant rains and water logging in what essentially is the second most low-lying areas of Bombay after King’s Circle. I was standing under a dripping thatched shelter bus stop contemplating on whether it’s worth going to Andheri. As I was just about to turn back and make a dash towards to the office, I spotted a yellow-black fiat slowly chugging its way towards me. I frantically started waving my hands in a bid to catch the driver’s attention under these conditions. Bless his soul he immediately stopped…but much to my dismay I saw a guy seated in the front besides the driver and a girl sitting at the back.

The driver asked me in a typical Bambaiya fashion “Kidhar jaaneka hai boss?” I replied back in the same lingo “Andheri jaaneka hai mereko…lekin aapka ‘savaari’ hai na”. He replied with a devilish smile “Boss shared karna padega….idhar aur koi taxi nahin milega aapko”. I was like…what the heck, I don’t give a damn…just had to go and collect it as I had to leave for Delhi the next day. I was totally drenched and sat down at the back besides the girl. I had no clue if the middle-aged man sitting in the front and the girl were related or not. So I just sat tight, hearing the blathering of the driver about how the government doesn’t do anything about the roads during monsoon and the corrupt RTO officers. After about 10 mins or so, the girl suddenly asked me “Do you work around here?” That was the first time I saw her face…fair, radiant and wet. I replied in the affirmative and generally started chatting about the weather and her occupation. She apparently was from Delhi and was in her 3^rd year Medicine at Jaslok hospital. She was getting back to her Girl’s hostel in Bandra before the situation went through the roof.

The other guy in the cab got down at Prabhadevi after about 30 mins of traveling from Worli at a pedestrian’s pace of approximately 10 kmph. On the way from Dadar to Bandra we merrily chatted about motley of topics ranging from Medicine v Engg and Delhi v Bombay etc. She spoke in a sweet dulcet but firm, crisp and clearly. I really was enjoying the conversation I was having with her on a miserable day. I had no clue as to how time passed but I suddenly found that we were in Bandra. The cab screeched before a lousy rust colored building. I quickly exchanged phone numbers with her and moved on. On my way towards Andheri, all I could do was think about her. She had really caused a flutter in my heart…it was a passing thought I guessed.

I flew to Delhi the next day afternoon to work on some God forsaken project. The conversation about Delhi with Sanjana just ruminated in my brain. I used to smile at myself while working late hours….strange. I made up my mind to call her once I came back to Bombay which I did. We spoke at length, continuing on the topic that Bombay was a zillion times better than Delhi (which I firmly believe is). We decided to meet up at Barista (I seriously didn’t know y I choose that stupid place) in Bandra. Things just got better as we spoke about a whole bunch of new topics ranging from euthanasia to Stem cells and abortion. We enjoyed each other’s company that day and I was really keen to meet her again….and we did and a lot many times after that.

It had come to a point that we started calling each other everyday and talked on the fone till wee hrs in the morning….till that very fateful day on the 7^th of August, 3 days before I had to leave for the US. She called me over to stop by at her place (hostel) before I left. It was an unspoken message that we were going around without ever uttering it to each other. I went to meet a few of my friends place that afternoon and headed to her hostel at around 7 in the evening. She opened the door and stood before me in a resplendent red spaghetti strap and low cut jean, showing off her fair under belly. She had nicely decorated her room with ribbons with a big wine bottle on the side table and a well illuminated candle. As soon as I entered the room I greeted by a big warm hug ( I am more than certain that I heard a few sniffs). We had a couple of tall glasses of crystal clear white wine and generally chatted about where our relationship was heading. It was really tough on me and more on her coz we had become emotionally involved.

Out of the blue, I did not know what overcame her and our lips met. The feeling was of a gentle dew drop falling on my lips. I held her tighter…the feeling of her supple breasts crashing on my chest was the warmth and strength I needed to make my headway to the US. Unfortunately in the heat of the moment, we had no control of where we were headed. Flailing hands and wet lips were the order of the day. I slowly and carefully undressed her exposing every part of her pearly white skin….she certainly did look like an angel. She helped me undress while our lips were still locked for a precious few minutes. I was a wee bit buzzed…but I was in totally control of the situation…I certainly did not want to mess up on a beautiful little act.

As we were fondling each other, I heard a loud bang, a gun shot to be precise. I jumped up totally startled, though praying in my mind…GOD please don’t ruin this for me. I heard a huge roar “Shoot that bitch….Ohhh that’s that’s just awesome dude”. I peered down the bed much to my dismay Lookateem and Goli playing “Enemy territory”. I was just woken up from my sweet lill siesta dream to the bitches’ incessant screaming.
‘GUTENTAG’

Now what did he do wrong?

2005-12-14T08:16:00.000-05:00

Dada has been dropped from the squad for the 3rd Test. I seriously dont get this circus that they are playing around with Ganguly's career. He has been in terrible form over a past year or so and I totally supported the fact that he needed to be dropped, get back to the roots and score heavily in domestic cricket. This is how events unfolded:

1. First the news comes out from the selectors (More particularly) that Ganguly is included in the test team as an all-rounder.

2. Ganguly doesnot even bowl 5 overs in test 1 and 2 combined

3. He makes a dodgy and important 39 and 40 in the second test.

4. Dravid says :"He played very well in both innings". But the selectors decided to drop him.

5. Aha...the selectors. The newly appointed guys...still groping to find their feet under the media flashbulbs. After Sharad Pawar was appointed the BCCI president, the first task that was carried out was to oust the 3 selectors who had vociferously backed Ganguly's inclusion. Three new puppets were instated and now Dada is out.

6. Coming to the question of his performance in the 2nd test, I thought he looked really solid. He fought it out in a good partnership with Sachin in the first and Yuvi in the 2nd. And since he was dropped solely based on the performance of the 2nd test explain Gambhir's inclusion to me.

7. And who does replace him??? Wasim Jaffer....Wasim who?? Doesnt matter folks as far as Mr. Sharad and company are concerned he is from Mumbai...and thats the ticket to get in.

It just seems that the bunch of fools led by a corrput politician and a big-mouthed stumper are out there just to strike out Ganguly and a glorious chapter off Indian cricket's reams. As my friends from Lock Stock would put it..."Its lame, Its a pain, Its SHAME of the fuckin' century"

-Balls

You're the nigger in here

2005-12-10T17:48:00.000-05:00

I was looking at Forbes 400 richest in america 2000. Gururaj Deshpande's name showed up here.To search for more material on him, I googled "Gururaj Deshpande", first link that came up was this. I started looking at http://dalitstan.org/ whose objective apparently is "Human Rights Organization working for the Upliftment of Dalits". I started delving more into the articles posted on this crappy little website and going by today's proceedings thought this was the article I should choose to put up.

Now tell me would you call Tendulkar..just "Tendulkar" or "Brahmin Tendulkar" ?
Comments are most welcome.

-- Pushkar

A tout le monde, Avec L'amour

2005-11-30T22:04:00.000-05:00

Background: Yeti, Balls and Amma II^* had left for NC about two hours ago.

Location: Outside Aup’s Place

After finishing the customary beedi, hugs and goodbyes said – the following occurred.

Bhaiyya (in not too loud or not too soft voice): Accha - main zara, mutke aata hoon.

Bhaiyya and Aup begin to walk to the apartment.

Aup: Arrey tumlog upar mat aoo!!

Too late! KK and I were following

Aup (looking at empty wrist): Arrey time kitna hua hai

Then realizes that he hagged, looks at bhaiyya and luckily is saved as

Kausum: Paanch!

Aup: Arrey main bolta hoon, tumlog rukh jao. Paanch he baja hai!! Gaand mara!! ShhtarrBucks jaake coffee peete hain!! Baate karte hain!!!

This was the best. At this point, the indecision on Bhaiyya’s face was something to be noticed. The WANT to stay and drink coffee was gradually overcoming the NEED to go to Baltimore. Coupled with the throbbing of his kidneys it was really worth an observation.

The decision was now made. No arguments, no thoughts, we just went. Bhaiyya held his own until Starbucks, where Kausum beat him to the restroom. We sat there for an hour in starbucks, making nonsense talk, enjoying each other’s company not wanting to go back. Not wanting to be alone, to be in the “Real”, so to say. We all make fun of bhaiyya wanting to smoke every two minutes, but the reality is that, those very two minutes of beedi time are priceless. Not just because they are actually 20 minutes and not 2, but because they soften the blow of breaking up a group of friends that are uncomfortable in other groups. Yesterday for me was especially hard, because after a very long time, and anoop said what I was thinking, that this group was something like the old Freaks. No hang-ups, no worries, brilliant time, and we all were comfortable and in our element. Best of all, no one farted in front a campfire.

Let me start with Thursday night. After we all met up in Paoli, we went looking for a place to eat. We ended up driving to and fro looking for something that is open. At that time we were all just ready for any kind of food. I am really surprised that Amma II did not start gnawing at ball’s arm. My god, does she have an appetite. I think she is the female Aup, only she probably eats more, and makes more noise. EEEEEE!!!!!!!! So anyway, we ended up going into an Irish pub. The name eludes me but there was a sign in the front that said “Only Growlers allowed beyond this point”. Upon looking at that sign, balls was suddenly at peace, growling time and again, reminding us what ‘Kutte Ki tarah’ means. Yatin then shifted gears [Shastri, 1996-2005], Shtar Sports]. Time and again exploiting the dravidian angle, using words as whips, and not missing anyone. One of his classics I think was when he mentioned the Bong alphabet. A for Apple, B for Begetable. I come back here to Amma II’s appetite. Both she and Aup had ordered nachos, and the plate was stacked up really high. Throughout the meal, both of them complained that they were bored and didn’t feel like eating, but still managed to eat almost all of it. “Bore ho raha hai yaar” – gulp - “It’s the same thing” – gulp – “Can you pass me the bread please” – gulp. Most of the evening I spent looking through the bottom of a beer glass. We ordered three pitchers and finished all of them. Then went home to polish off some yager. I retired early that night, and would like to thank Aup gathering the courage to knock on the bathroom door when I was downloading. That’s just about all I rememer. From what I gather, taboo that night was awesome. I hope that the rest of the gang can fill in the rest in the comments box.

Come Friday morning we all got ready for the Dutch Amish country. Before I begin let me tell you what I observed on Friday morning when I walked into Aup’s living room. First there was a small bump on the floor (which I realized later was Balls). Man he was curled up like a little ball. When I stepped over him I wondered what curses he might utter if I had stamped on him. This was when I shifted from the bedroom to the small couch in the living room (it was cold inside). As I forced my small ass onto the couch (praying to god that the sides don’t give way), I was thinking of Goli. I was thinking if I was able to keep my legs up in the air, while I sleep like he does, then at least my back would be fine. Coming back to the living room though, I am sure that bhaiyya was a rat in some life. Like I mentioned, there was only bala in the centre of the living room, and Aup was on the sofa. Yet, for some odd reason, bhaiyya was curled up in the corner of the room, behind the sofa. After several beedi breaks, and some arguments about who was to go take a shower first, we finally got ready and left for Amish county. There was a really funny moment at the beginning of the one hour drive.

Aup: “Accha Bhaiyya, one hour drive hai. Humlog without break leke wahan pahunch jaate hain”

Bhaiyya (without pause): “Arrey ek ghanta hua to kya hua, abhi pehle beedi maarte hain, aur phir pahunchke maarenge.”

Speaking of driving, let me talk about the formula 1 driver that was the navigator in the car that a wannabe formula 1 driver was driving. Once upon a time, there was a group of friends that went on a trip to smokie mountains. There, in the vast cloud filled mountains, there was a speedway – for gokarts. Amongst the group, there was a very raw yet very talented dravidian that raced the gokart very efficiently, and on the second attempt managed to keep people from overtaking him. Till to this day, we hear whispers of the great driver, who defied all the odds, took on the man, and won. Not only do we hear about the talent that it takes to ‘Hold the line’, but also about how difficult it is to know the track, and memorize every turn. Great story isn’t it? This is what happened towards the end of the drive.

Aup: Haan Balls. Accha sun, 891 pe left le, udhar within one mile left mein ek sign aayega. Amish farm ke liye. Sun bolnede. Arrey sun re!! Left mein yaad rakh miss mat kar!! Accha theekh hai.

Do I really have to say what I happened next. We saw a black gleam in the sunlight coming towards the parking lot. The very next moment it was upon us and screamed past the very small 25 by 25 feet sign. Five minutes later we were all in the parking lot. Bhaiyya, Aup, Kausum, Bala, Yatin and the Eskimo. Seriously, Harini was covered up like we were trekking mount everest. Yatin put it best actually when he said, “Harini, tera Igloo ka address kya hai?” Speaking of Yatin, if you ever feel like there is no excitement in your life, and you feel the urge to go wild. Drive to North Carolina and sit in the car with the Yeti. I am sure he has everything in control and is safe, but – I was in the other car, with Bhaiyya and I was back seat driving from there (for the fleeting moments that we got to see the Civic that they were in). Kudos to Yatin, as Kausum said though is that, he never argues with the navigator, takes the turns as instructed and does so with ease. At least that’s what Kausum said, but then again, I’m not the one who has failed a driving test.

When we were waiting in the parking lot for a couple of minutes, we heard some chickens. When that sound graced Bhaiyya’s ears it was like the world around him was changing and morphing into Muzaffarpur^**. This ladej and gentulmein, was the beginning of ‘Tao mein aah gaya hai Bhaiyya’. From then onwards, Bhaiyyaji went on to come up with so many one liners, that even though I was there it was impossible for me to remember them. Like Balls said, “Jab Bhaiyaa tao mein aata hai, toh Jhadiye ki lagti hai”. I concur with that whole heartedly. After that, at every opportunity Bhaiyya has managed to finger my asshole. I repeatedly mentioned that I don’t like it, and when he requested that I do the same for him, I refused, because – main kidhar aur Bhaiyaa kidhar right? It was only later that I realized that Bhaiyya was being serious. That was when I heard that Mike was coming to Atlantic City. We will dishkuss that laterj.

We went into the Amish Farmhouse. The lady who took the money from us really looked like she needed to make the ‘O’ face. When we started the tour, Aup started getting into it.

SIGN: “If Your kids begin to make noise, please take them outside so as to not disturb the other people”

Aup: “Balls, control yourself or we might have to take you outside.”

After two minutes

Aup: “Idhar bahut Ray-lain log hain nah!! Nesstop pleese.”

The lady then went on to tell us how the Amish make their own furniture, and there are 24000 of them in the area and so on and so forth. Aup looks at the dishes, “Bed, Bath and Beyond, IKEA…” After that we moved on to the kitchen. There we saw the Amish coat and work-shirt for the male, the Shawl for the lady, and the Amish ‘Vacuum Cleaner’ – which was a tennis racket made of straw. Aup, looks at it, picks it up, “Aarey, yeh spanking ke liye kitna achha rahega nah”. He then goes on to show us how one would go about the same.

After the stupid tour, we were allowed to move about on our own in the farm. It consisted of a stable, a pig farm, chicken farm, school house and gift shop. What a farm! Built in gift shop. I bet these were outcast amish. The amish that other amish don’t like. To make things short and sweet, there was a horse that didn’t like balls, chickens that escaped death merely because bhaiyya coudnt get through the cage, rabbits that we all wanted to kill, and a restroom with a sign that said “Please do not drink water here”. We posed for some photographs, one in specific where Tyrone made his appearance, and then after the shopping at the gift shop we moved on to the porch where while we smoked, balls and Aups showed us how Amma II would shower and dry. That honestly you have to see. We have a video of that, and it involves the removal of a shoe. A shoe, which is laced, but was converted to a slip on. Following that we went to lunch at this thai place where balls played with fire and got burned. Upon which there followed this conversation.

Lookatem: “Balls, tu haga hai, aag se khela hai aur ganda khana mila hai. Lets make a stop and you can grab something. We have a long night ahead.”

Harini (just after finishing an appetizer and an Entrée): “What!! Humlog dinner nahin khane waale hain kya!!”

At this point I was completely stunned. Arrey, you have just eaten lunch re. Aisa koi sochnein waala hain kya? I am telling you, there is a machine in that woman’s stomach. We then went home, got ready in about three hours and left for atlantic city an hour behind schedule.

We were joined (for the trip to AC) by the paparazzi responsible for several of the ‘Oops Clips’ that we see, Mr. Pranam Kolari. Armed with the 1000 dollar telescope, Pranam was there, to take on the town. That night was long, and we had a great time. What I mean is that, after we graced the restrooms of the borgatti, we spent the next 1 hour looking for the ‘Aukaad’ table. The $5 mininmum table, the rest was beyond us. Bhaiyya then went on to win the first four rounds, upon which the dealer was promptly changed and then went on to loose. Since Aup had also chipped in, overall it wasn’t that bad. The dealer was playing with Six decks, and with so many, you can only ride your luck. At about 3 AM or so, Balls, KK, Amma II and Yeti left to go back home. We stayed back, for Mike was coming. He was to join us in Philly but his plan changed and he wasn’t coming so we stayed. I have said earlier that this trip reminded me of the freaks of old, and in came mike, wearing a cheap red color jacket. I asked him if he had met marwadi, and where the yellow shirt was. Mike was quick and painful, at least that’s what bhaiyya said. All jokes aside, it was good to see you Mike.

After a brief chat, we left to come back home, during which Aup started a very enlightening discussion (no jokes here), about spirtualism. Upon hearing that Bhiayya promptly felt sleepy and I took over. With Aup’s guidance, we made it back home in good time. The other car however made a few unscheduled stops. One, to change navigators, two, at dumping donuts and at McDonalds (for coffee!!). They were like 15 miles behind us, but the funny part is that even after I was doing 70 on a 55, at the end of the drive, they were right behind us. Schumi again thyair!!

On Saturday, we roamed around in KOP for a while after we had luch at Devi. That was some ask after 75% of your stomach is full. Then we made a liquor stop, and went back home. Unfortunately that night for me was marred with the customary headache, and hence I was not able to drink much. Bhaiyya was nice and spoiled, like Yeti. Balls was violent as usual and I had to bitch slap him to calm him down. There is a video of that. Its kinda gross but fun, like jerry springer. The night began with us chilling to some awesome music, and then moved on to the real show. Harini had, on Thursday night, entertained us with her lovely voice, and on Saturday repeated the same. She sang the advertizement for ‘MalaD’. That was awesome, and captured on video. Soon it was bhaiyya’s turn to rock to Jags. ‘Who Kagaz ki Kashti” was a HUGE hit as usual. Another great singing performance that night was Aup’s. He spent the earlier part of the night, translating Metallica’s ‘Turn the Page’ into marathi, and went on to give a breathtaking performance. It was something that you all should have been there to see. Even though he wasn’t able to get it right all the way, it was simply great! There was one thing that night that made me very sad. I saw Bhaiyya, Balls and Yeti, pose for a ‘Bruddahs’ photo. Trying to get footaze, I leaped in, upon which bhaiyya said, “Abhi step-bruddah bhi aah gaya hai”. It hurt me real bad man, and I will never forget it^***.

The highlight on Sunday, I have already mentioned before. Chilling mostly, enjoying each others’ company and not wanting to go back home, we finally parted ways at like 3 pm or so. I have spoken to Aup, Balls and KK in the last three days and none of us are over this trip. The last three or four trips have all been such that the next one is better than the last. Let us make sure that we keep making time for these trips as much as possible, no matter when its or where we are, because this is something that we all as freaks cherish. I am ending my blog with a quote, to emphasize my point.

"To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed ~ That can make life a garden." - Goethe

- Sri

* -: For everyone, who doesn’t know, Amma II is Harini Ramprasad. Please refer to orkut for further enquiries. All further communication should strictly be done through Mr P.K. Saini (also available in orkut). Any inappropriate language, a.k.a. dirty talk, will be handled by Devilal.

**-: Muzaffarpur district, is fondly known as the "Land of the Leechi". Muzaffarpur played a very significant role in the history of North-Eastern India. The peculiarity of Muzaffarpur in Indian civilization arises out of its position on the frontier line between two most vibrant spiritual influences and most significantly, to this day, it is a meeting place of Hindu and Islamic culture and thoughts. All sorts of modified institutions, representing mutual assimilation, rise along the boarder line. It has undoubtedly been this highly diversified element within her boundaries that has so often made Muzaffarpur the birthplace of towering geniuses. [http://muzaffarpur.nic.in/muz_his1.htm]

***-: I am only kidding. Not that anyone cares, but Aup told me that I should take advantage of someone who is down, so I am hoping that Bhaiyya is feeling bad, at least until he scrolls down to here.

Why am I a freak

2005-11-23T18:34:00.000-05:00

I am a freak because I don’t fit into any category.
I am a freak because I hate Shahrukh.
I am a freak because I can say things like ‘Thyair’ and ‘Dunn Eet’.
I am a freak because I can say what I want, when I want, and not have to care.
I am a freak because I cannot just get along in life.
I am a freak because unhappy people depress me.
I am a freak because I am not defined by people.
I am freak because my freaks will always be there for me.
I am a freak - because I was born one.

Betrayal

2005-11-21T13:54:00.000-05:00

Following is a the letter which the head of the sacred order of non-graduates Aup, sent to his disciples shortly after the ghastly turn of events of November 21st 2005.

Quote:

"I thought that adages were meant to be a reflection of reality. I believed that birds of a feather flock together and had left no stone unturned in my effort to instill the principles of indiscipline, lethargy and procrastination into members of our sacred cult. But today, on 21st November 2005 EST 12.30, I reveived a call which shattered the very foundations of my beliefs, hitherto, as hard as a rock. The haunting words "There are exceptions to every rule" resounded in my mind giving me a glimpse of the pragmatic. In every walk of life we have come across atheists, or being politically correct, agnostics ( Bailya, Goli, Marw , Bhaiyya and Savitha) who thought that "non-graduation" as a philosophy per se, could exist, but didn't believe in it ( their one semester extensions and subsequently their graduation explains this). We (Aup, Balls, Mike...) stuck to our mission statement "Thou shall not graduate..ever!" as our raison d'etre. But the turn of events of today can be unequivocally described as catastrophical. People tag along with the core individuals(of this cult) and then, somewhere in time, part ways and commit such heinous crimes, that shake the very foundation( of this rare sacred cult ). Not so long ago, Mr. Balakrishnan Ramachandran was a sincere member who with his unwavering loyalty, was the right hand of the Master Aup (MS CE/CS Aug 2002 -), which, had earned him the true admiration and respect of the esteemed regulars Mike ( MS CS Aug 2003 -), Ashutosh (Aup's friend from Rockville MS CE June 2000 -) and Aditya ( Aup's friend from San Diego MS CS Aug 2001 -). Then there was the genesis of a forbidden desire and an inner voice led him off on a tangent. He kept digging in, ploughing hard, against all odds (the set of ideals preached within our cult) , much to the chagrin of the orthodox ranks. The result.. with a combination of his effort ( or so we are made to think) , his critically acclaimed manipulative, glib-talking skills, he successfully defended his Master's thesis and is now marching with aplomb, towards "Graduation"( my apologies for the blasphemy). This ignominous act of his, has left me with absolutely no choice other than to unceremoniously discard him from the order with the severest degree of dishonor. Anyone contemplating the unthinkable shall be dismembered from the cult with immediate effect. At dusk, the Master will address all disciples in an attempt to stem the overflowing sentiment of betrayal and douse the blaze of the fire of graduation. There would be a clarion call to never tolerate such a betrayal of trust and disloyalty and repose your faith in our mantra .. The truly educated never graduate"

Unquote

Dear Balls,

Jokes apart, I feel really happy for you that you did it and did it in style (thesis passed without changes). You kept the motivation going and pushed hard to get the job accomplished, which, is something I will take inspiration from. You were ably assisted by the power of English and your spot-on shot in the dark. I wish I could say that I know how it feels to get the burden of thesis off your shoulders, but I am not qualified to do that. So, for once being non-Aup, heartiest congratulations for a job well done and kudos on your gracious exit from our cult !

What is in a title..?

2005-11-20T11:03:00.000-05:00

A title to an article or a book is supposed to indiacte what the article/book contains, thereby making it easy for the reader to decide what to read. More recently I think the headlines/titles are pretty sensationalized and have little or no connection to the article. The headlines are there just to get readers to read the article.

In the Times of India there is an article titled

Sush weds AB Jr?

.... what do you think such an article contains
a) Information about Sushmita Sen getting engaged to Abhishek Bacchan
b) A story about Sushmita sen getting married to Abhishek Bacchan without their parents approval or something like that.

.. maybe some of you are smarter and figured out what the article really contained, if you didn't then go ahead and look it up.

Other Miss Worlds

The title seems like the article would be about women who are respected qualified and done good work in various fields. But this is the title to an article containing pictires of other women who could have been Miss World, people who missed the title. Does this mean that the people who actually won the award, in the year where Times of India thinks someone else should have got it, didn't deserve the award.

.. earlier couple of years ago there was an article that made front page news.. Manisha Koirala shot to death. The article came prior to the release of her movie Criminal, and it was about her being shot to death in the movie.

Newspapers like to give misleading information and then in some corner somewhere they may later apologise for misquoting. I am sure there are many more misleading headlines out there. I have a question is it only in TOI, or do other news papers do this as well? If other papers do it, do they sensationalize the title to the extent TOI does?

40 Years of Torture and More !!!!

2005-11-04T15:58:00.000-05:00

Well an epoch making event has just happened, Shahrukh Khan has turned 40 !!! This blog is dedicated to him and one of our esteemed reader who posted one of our hate mails for an earlier blog.

First and Foremost - Lets talk about the newest resolution of Shahrukh Khan -

"He is going to quit smoking"

Its quite a bold step to do. Infact, I believe he started smoking to show that he is a man enough. But after his happy relationship with his friend Karan Johar, I guess he has realized that he does not need to be a man anymore and can return to his basic instincts ... of bein a woman ...
You ask for proof !!! Watch the latest LUX ad.

The fallouts :-

1. We will have to endure more of his movies and his bakwaas for the coming decade. It was becoming unbearable but now since he wont die fast ... I can only worry about the future in Bollywood movies for us.

2. Infact i shudder at the thought when my Kid will ask "Why was sharukh khan considered such a best actor " in the most sarcastic voice. I guess the answer to that would be He is basically an embodiment of a female trapped in a male body and his constant trials and tribulations to retain his original form.

3. With Karan Johar not smoking too .. I guess we will see more relationship and association between SRK and KJ ... spells more trouble for us.

Second :-

" SRK always new he had talent and his success would be riding on talent than anything else" -- Azziz Mirza

Blah ... If he had talent then I have better talent than him in acting or even Balls.

Third :-

Two comments from SRK

"If in Titanic, an 80yr old woman can still love the young man she loved then why cant there be a love story between a ghost and a woman"

"Asoka is ahead of its contemporaries"

Should I even comment on it ..NAAAAAAAH

Also, Last but not he least

SRK : "I do not want to watch my own movie"

I guess he is better off having no issues with mental anguish which we suffer from his incessant
chattering ... and lack of any skills whatsoever .. I guess we can safely assume that he will outlive us.

I hope to see a movie where apna GOD (Amitji) kill him in a classic showdown in all the SeVen ways possible. We need a redeemer !!!

Two Brothers

2005-11-03T00:28:00.000-05:00

A couple of days back Vishal posed me the question: What did Amitabh wanted to convey to his audience when he said “You see the coefficient of the linear is just a position … by the hemoglobin of the atmospheric pressure in the country”. I thought long and hard…racked my embryonic cells…but in no way could I make any logical sense of that statement. I crashed in the night, twisting and turning with the poser just compounding my insomnia. Suddenly the theme music of Dr. Strangelove (a Kubrick movie) started playing. I jumped up totally startled, but was instantly put to ease knowing that it was a specific ringtone I had set for Marwadi’s calls. “Hello Bala main Anubhav”… I yawned. Marwadi dished out the usual…blathering about human rights to a tarantula’s libido. Strangely this time around he sounded a lot like somebody I knew, I had heard, I revered. A palm sized steel box flashed followed by a perpetually peeved expression and then a torso sporting a torn baniyan. That’s it!!!! It was Raj Babbar…the man, that God, that Sheen!

With the power of ‘hindsight’, I could somehow recollect that I had always ribbed Marwadi of wearing a similar baniyan to the one worn by Babbar in ‘Mazdoor’. My mind started racing; with a pounding heart and an excited cerebellum, I started crawling to delve into the intricate parallels of the two legends. Here are my humble findings:

Unnamed sources tell me that Raj Babbar has an uncanny similarity to the way Marwadi greets on the fone. So the other day I called his RJD office (Raj Ji ka Dal) and left him a voice mail about a fake possibility of a lead role in Clockwork Orange II (another Kubrick movie).Bubbah is ofcourse famous for his rape scenes in many hindi movies...a pederast scaring Padmini 'Khola'puri. Raj ji excitedly called me back, to confirm the odd similarity between the greats: "Hello Bala main Raj Babbar".

Sometime back, when I was still in Baltimore the excited 2 yr old kid Srikant dragged me into watching an absolutely shoddy Akshay Kumar movie by the name ‘Police Force’. It was so ridiculously dire that I couldn’t even make a single retort (which is unheard of… believe me). Raj Babbar’s virgin dialogue was the only saving grace of the movie. He enters a flower exhibition and splutters in his now legendary Oxpardessh English: “Real-lee gawd's kree-ay-tion is phan-tie-stick. Eats-grate”! He could deliver such a fantastic line with ‘paan’ strewn all over his oral cavity. Man’s love for flowers is generally unheard of…but this is where the generalization stops and the parallelization begins. This is what I mean. I rest my case.

I’m pretty sure that you guys haven’t seen Bubbah saab ever dance. Neither have I, but according to me going by the similarities with Marw, we could safely conclude that it wouldn’t be very far from Marw’s slick moves. If u guys have ever seen Marwadi after a heavy lunch or dinner, you would precisely know what I’m talking about. When he burps, its not just gas escaping his esophagus, but it’s a release of energy that actually culminates into a nice conglomeration of urban punk and break dance. The mid-riff synchronously follows the neck and the butt to form a nice wavy motion with the hands flapping the air in rhythmic movement. I would leave this unique step to your imagination, but believe my gut feeling Babbar Sher wouldn’t be far off from this one.

Leaving aside the Lucknowi accent (for its cult usage watch the now legendary dialogue from LOC: How many Kajulteez are thyair?), the Sher has paid homage to Marwadi in a particular scene from the movie Sansar. Bollywood ishtyle he kissed Rekha (background two flowers touching each other) and had her pregnant. The coy family woman that she is, she is unable to break the news to the Sher. This is the dialogue that ensues (its too difficult to describe the scene so the actual meaning is in brackets):

Sher: Ahhhh ( Wassup?)
Rekha: hmmm (I’m fucked!!!)
Sher: Huaahhh (Watchya mean Nigga?)
Rekha: (pointing to a 16x16 picture of a white kid)
Sher: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Should have purchased a condom)

Imagine if the same dialogue was to take place between Sher and Marwadi:
Sher: Ahhhh ( Wassup?)
Marw: Haan?? (rhetorical)
Sher: Huaahhh (Watchya mean Nigga?)
Marw: Matlab (Abey angrezi mat bol…who bhi Bum)
Sher: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Should have purchased a condom)
Marw: Pata nahin yaar (Gira doon??)

Coming back to the original question now…how does this relate to the song lyrics? Well I am a big fan of Kubrick and I totally like to leave the blog open ended…a chance for you guys to rack your brains.

Respect to the two greats…EXCUSHHH ME PUHLEEES!!

Blast from the past

2005-10-31T19:15:00.000-05:00

Was generally going through Freaks archives and hit upon a small but quite hilarious post by Aup. So here we go:
Happenings over the last two days:
1. Belur is Freaks Inc's offical deity. " Bhagwaan Arun" showed his omnipresence by meeting Vishal, Bala, Anubhav and me at some instance or the other on the same day, something like " Bhagwaan Arun prakat hue ". Any color which is ubiquitous is henceforth an Arun color; for eg " Off white colored Khakis " will be now identified as Arun colored khakis.
2. Hawas is one of the Freak cult films, and the offical anthem is " Teri Chahat mein badhne lagi hoon..main har hadh se gujar ne lagi hoon", the video of which, features a bimbo named Meghna Naidu possessing big saggy assets and two fuck faces named Shawar Ali ( a chronic case of limited vocabulary. Only words spoken " Yeaaaah ") and Aryan Vaid (Ex Mr India turned Mr Porn India). Hawas is also a new genre of porn called "Slappy Porn". Hawas is a must see Hindi porn bonanza which according to Shawar, is a "family" film.
3. Freaks Inc introduces a new cult figure : Ramakant "theyar"
4.Upcoming movies at Oaklee Theatres :
Hawas - * ing Shawar Ali, Aryan Vaid and Meghna Naidu
the trailors preceeding this film are also something to look forward to: 1>Silence Please..This is the dressing room *ing Salil Ankola, 2>Sheen * ing Atul Wassan, a babe named Sheen and the one and only master of constipation Raj Babbar. Also ,we will request IndiaInfo.com to make the trailors of the movie "Papa the Great" : *ing the one and only Kishan Kumar, available online.
Exclusive: An interview with our man " Shawar Ali " , courtesy Times of India
5. Srikant finally has a claim to fame. In our discussion about how wierd the movies are named nowadays in particular reference to "Daag: the fire" or " Jaal: the trap". Srikant has this suggestion: Rename the film Supari to " Supari: the tobacco". This culminated our Friday night session of watchin fucked Hindi film trailors.

1.1 Aup
2.2 Balls

The sum of all years (fears)

2005-10-25T22:10:00.000-04:00

A perfect blog material..I dont know why KK didnt deem necessary to put it directly on the blog. An absolute stunner from the most unexpected quarters :-) . Its a privilege to post it !

Quote:
After such a marvellous chat on that day and subsequent follow up with an amazing photo and meeting Anoop ... I was compelled to write the following tribute to Goli.

I have only know him for such a short time ... but I always thought I saw his art somewhere or the other and after seeing his thesis and some other pieces of art in the lab, I finally realized that I had seen him all over the world. It is a great honour to be associated with Goli who art adores most of the museums in the world. From Cave paintings to his preliminary trials with metal to his first wheel, I have been compelled to think how ardous task it must have been for him.

He is the true cradle of civilization, always have taught people the basics before they surpass him. His lifespan has not covered several generations but several spieces. He has not only seen the rise and fall of empires but also the rise and fall of entire living organisms .... not to say he must also be involved in the extermination of some.

I have often heard people of saying, doctors and researchers probing on how people can live forever without diseases and other ailments. Without ever aging. But I am lucky to be with the person who has held that secret always in his heart. He has been the truest form of Human. Not because he doesnt have any progenies but because he has chosen not to. He keeps his secret buried in his chest and the burden doesnt allow him to enjoy.

It is very drastic for our own Goli. Consider his emotional state ... how difficult it may have for him, from incomplete education as Vatsayana passed away (rumors about some veneral disease) so he was deprived of the true education to which we can only think about to the cruel war in Mahabharata to the being on the TITANIC or endure Romeo's and Juliets most boring love story or see Cleopatra's sleeping with all but goli.... Life has not been easy for Goli to say the least. These emotional upheavals has taken a toll on him.... but rest assured he is still standing tall ....He is the strongest and the oldest (not including the wisest) of all freaks.

May Goli this new year be the best of all eras u had so far .. and may you carry the stories of Freaks to the passing generations .....

My Wishes for u :-

Slow at first, too soon the years quickly fly
Far beyond our short reach and fragile hold
Just like the birds which polka dot the sky
Then sit and laugh, while, like fools, we grow gold...

With just their voice, they sing to show the way
Living the high life, laughing and soaring,
As we fret over mirrors wrinkled gray,
Along with nonsense, judgments, and snoring

So when your star rises again each year
And you see those mockingbirds light nearby,
Keep in mind they come not to taunt and jeer at
They're here in hopes this is the year you fly

KK

Photo

2005-10-24T14:04:00.000-04:00

Hey Guys,

When I woke up this morning I begain thinking of the awesome time I had chatting with everyone yesterday night. I then began to reminisce and scanned through many pictures. This one stood out. Ladies and gentlemen, the rowdy of freaks inc at his best.

http://userpages.umbc.edu/~srisub1/images/ansy.jpg

laterz

sri

Baltimore to San Francisco

2005-10-23T22:10:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: Considerable artistic license has been taken in the production of the text for this scene. The author makes no guarantees as to which incidents occured and which ones didn't.

Scene III: The Phantom of the Highway

Act I:

Bhaiyya and Mike set out from Cleveland, taking Interstate 71, hoping to make it to Springfield, MO by day's end.

Mike: Gaand lag gayee.
Bhaiyya: Toh naya kya hai?
Mike: Bhenchod!
Bhaiyya: Achcha sorry, kya hua?
Mike: Kya hua kya? Itna late ho gaya hai yaar, how the fuck do you expect that we will reach on time?
Bhaiyya: Mike, kabhi toh positive attitude dikhaya kar!
Mike: Arey gandu, there is positive thinking and then there is wishful thinking!
Bhaiyya: Arey koi nahi yaar, RAAP DEEE!
Mike: Hahahahahaahaha!

Act II:

Narrator: In trucking circles, there is a legend of a "Ghost Who Drives". This ghost, it is said, has a penchant for possessing the vehicles of drivers driving a very specific type of car; that car being a blue honda accord coupe with a v6 engine (Maryland License Tags (Number 6BCE43)). It is this narrator's great pleasure and sadness to say that Mike's car was possessed by this ghost ever since Bhaiyya took to the wheel of Mike's car.

Bhaiyya and Mike reach Columbus, OH relatively late because of Mike's overcautious driving. Mike thinks that testing fate once too often is the pastime of fools...

Mike: Bhaiyya, abhi tu chala.
In the inimitable style of himself,
Bhaiyya: Haan, haan.
Mike: Main ab sota huun, tu chala sakta hai na? (this statement will be said so often during this trip, that it will in future be refered to as 'tcshn?')
Bhaiyya: Haan, haan.
Mike: Hamesha ki tarah mat chala, pahunchte pahunchte six laac tickets milenge tereko.
Bhaiyya: Arey nahi re, main dekh ke chalata huun, cop dikhega to slow karta huun.
Mike: Lekin the cop sees you with invisible rays called radio waves.
Bhaiyya: Chup bey, randi!
Mike: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Arey but seriously, thodasa slow chala, it doesn't pay to speed...
Bhaiyya: Okay, main samajh gaya huun.
Mike: Thank you.

Bhaiyya speeds, disregarding Mike's fatherly advice. A few hundred miles later...

Enter a non-specific truck driver, named Jack, and his helper John.
Jack: John, son, let me tell you the story of the "Ghost who Drives".
John: I've heard about it.
Jack: Yes, but have you seen the ghost who drives?
John: You mean you have?
Jack: Yes, son, I have. And I have a feeling that we are going to see him again today. This ghost has no regard for the time of day, he can appear at any moment, zoom past your truck and leave in your stomach a sense of awe and a sick feeling that keeps gnawing at you for a few days.
John: Really Jack, I don't believe this crap. You mean to say that you have seen a ghost?Jack: Son, can you see a blue dot on the back horizon in the truck's mirror?
John: So?
Jack: I bet you that it's the Ghost who Drives.
John: Yeah, right! And I am John the Baptist!
Jack: If you don't believe me, you will. Soon.
John: And how's that?
Jack: See that cop car there? Hiding behind the overpass?
John: Yeah, so?
Jack: Do you think he can see us?
John: Of course!
Jack: He can't see the blue car.
John: How do you know?
Jack: When you spend as much time as I have on the Highway, you tend to know these things.
John: Or you can bullshit a lot.

Enter Mr. Policeman, sitting in his patrol car, looking for a speeder. It's been a slow day, not one speeder, can you believe it?

Mr. Policeman: Come on you mothers! SPEED! How else can I finish my ticket quota? And if this time I don't finish my quota, I will be busted down so low, I will have to clean toilets in hell! Why God? Why does this happen to me?

Mr. Policeman looks up toward heaven

Mr. Policeman: God, send me an angel who speeds the shit out of their car, please, send me an angel that will help me get a promotion, send me an angel that will obviate the necessity of this book (holds up the ticket book) for me! Please God PLEASE!
Mr. Policeman, in his violent religious fervor, drops the ticket book to the floor of the car
Mr. Policeman: Oh shit.
Mr. Policeman bends down to pick up the book.

Meanwhile, in Mike's car...
Mike: ABEY SAALE!
Bhaiyya: Kya hua?
Mike: Tereko bola na slow chala slow chala... Abhi dekh cop aa gaya peechhe?
Bhaiyya is temporarily flabbergasted.
Bhaiyya: Abey saale, koi cop nahi hai.
Mike: Malum hai! MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHA CHUUTYA BANAAAYA! BADA MAZA AAAAYA!
Bhaiyya: Hahahahahahahaha! Tu chutya hai re!
With a feigned bow, Mike: Thank you!
Bhaiyya: Oh Shit!!!!
Mike: Kya hua?
Bhaiyya: COP CAR THA!
Mike: Chup baith, main joke maar raha tha!
Bhaiyya: Lekin main nahi maar raha tha!
Mike: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Bhaiyya: I WAS DOING 95 in 75 MPH zone, man, I am done for.
Mike: RUK RE! Wo nahi aa raha hai apne peechhe! HAHAHAHAAAA Andha cop!
Bhaiyya: Aisa kaise ho sakta hai?
Mike: Malum nahi, sota rahega! hahahahaha
Bhaiyya: Hahahahaha

John's mouth is agape. He has just witnessed the impossible. He has seen a blue car doing 100 mph go right in front of a cop car and the cop doing nothing about it.

John: How the HELL did this happen? I saw the car, it was real, it was a blue car!
Jack: It was the Ghost who Drives. Once the ghost takes hold of your vehicle, it is invisible to all cops!
John: I believe, master!
Jack scratches his long beard like Pei Mei: You have just seen the Ghost who Drives!

A moment to cherish

2005-10-23T02:18:00.000-04:00

Two years..seems like long long ago
Two years..since the very first words started to flow
Two years..every passage, link or rhyme
Two years..of vivid memories worth a lifetime

Today is the second bday of the brainchild of our all time freaky minds, "Freaks Inc". Started as a sports blog by Marw and Madhu (Madhu who?) and christened by Balls, it now is a focal point for our flowing rivers of thoughts, numerous experiences , opinions (wise and strongheaded) , excitements, joys , sorrows , passions, exasperations, discussions and more recently "hatemails". Just like we had a poll going around on Amitabh's bday, I decided to ask each of us Freaks what blogging on Freaks means to them. Here are the views I got in chronological order (unedited)

Balls said (Oct 16 20:58): Freaks has been special to me. It has been an invisible and invaluable member of our friendship...just like Tyler. Taking off from the Fight Club analogy, it has brought out the ingrained qualities in me that I never thought existed...creativity, writing skills, poetic skills and more than anything else, a reason to reason. Its been two years now and the credit to keep Freaks going, goes to each one of us to have come up with an idea par extraordinaire every once in a while. Here is wishing Freaks a very happy 2nd bday and may the list of wonderful blogs continue.

vcd said (Oct 20 12:06):
I write on Freaks because you can express your opinions without inhibitions
I write on Freaks because I know there are people as free and with as little to do as me who are going to read my blog/comments
I write on Freaks because every opinion you have is always opposed
I write on Freaks because you can pull someone's leg or sometimeseven someone's pants down and get away with it
I write on Freaks because I enjoy the comments
I write on Freaks because I get undeserved footage
I write on Freaks because it's my karma
I write on Freaks because ... awwwww fuckkkkkkkkk it ... I write on Freaks because i love to.

Goli said (Oct 21 11:50): Breathe! I need to breathe, thats it. All of you guys know how little I actually contribute, beyond a few comments and some prehistoric posts. Funnily enuf, we must remember that I contribute quite significantly in an indirect manner (all those gory references to my name and what not - shove it y'all ! )For me this blog is a lifeline, so to speak. I feel instantly connected with the people who matter in my life. If the rest of the world also gets to take a peek or join in, well, who cares! Its almost a daily ritual to visit the blog for me (marw some stats please!). Trouble is it brings all the memories back and the distances seem be unfathomable. Keep the Good stuff rolling!

Savithamma said (Oct 22 13:59): I like to write on Freaks Inc, because it is a good way of expressing my views and getting to know other opinions of other Freaks:) about topics that aren't discussed often.

Marvadi said (Oct 23 01:28): I love to write on Freaks because where else can I just hotlink and get to hog so much limelight? Its also an ideal platform from where I can speak my mind (euphemism for "argue as much as I want") and get away with it. On a more serious note I like to write on Freaks because its a great medium for like-minded yet different people to share their thoughts ... haan ... nahin ... matlab pata nahin yaar...

Aup said
I write on Freaks Inc because it is an exceptionally versatile platform wherein I can I have a spontaneous release of emotion and be a part of what I call "an epitome of group collaboration". Twenty years down the line, when I look at the archives, my miniscule brain would get a snapshot of where I was in life ( the air I breathed, the people I talked to, the opinions, fights, discussions I had).Writing on Freaks gives me an opportunity to explore numerous facets of my persona which I thought never existed.
Finally I blog on Freaks because BLOGITO ERGO SUM.

As I write this , I relive all those joyous moments and highs blogging on Freaks has brought me over the past two years and I sure as hell want to continue doing this. Putting things in perspective, I can say that
"We are different people, each has a different mind; but when we blog, we are one of a kind".

Heres to two years of blogging.. Happy Bday Freaks Inc !

Aup

Hits and Misses....

2005-10-21T09:09:00.000-04:00

I started looking around statscounter for some info on how people land up on our blog....on what search strings they used. Such a blog was already posted by Marw....centuries ago...but the results now are still the same...ludicrous. So here we go:

1. why i wouldnt want to be shahrukh khan in my next life - Seems a popular search string. People really have taken this topic seriously!!!
2. live in relationships - Savitha u've really become famous by posting this blog!
3. osho i am scared - So what can Osho do??
4. indrajal project - hmmm...KK credit de raha hoon tujhe.
5. good porn trailors - Sorry mate Goli doesnt upload his collection anymore (fortunately!! bahut hi wierd collection tha ;-).
6. mallu girls - Sorry Bhangi was never part of this blog
7. iftekar party - Now this is a bummer as 'The Dude' wud put it. Iftekar's last party was when he won the Kakesian award for hamming in Don.
8. meghna naidu nude gallery - Freaks now officially serve as Meghana Naidu's unofficial nude gallery site!
9. big mauth sex - Vatsyayana did u miss something here?
10. bihar school examination board - Sorry son we dont leak 'Bihari' papers on Freaks.
11. google earth pune kothrud - Puneris will never learn!!!! (Bloody rain shadow)
12. anubhav pronunciation - Lets all sing "Don't you cry for me tonight"
13. shit ass dialogues - Sure Lookateem ka search hai...a purrrfect circle
14. meghna naidu sexiest photos - Yeh this guy needs the sexiest...sorry mate didnt know ppl thought Ogres to be sexy
15. aryan vaid is gay - Yeh we know that.
16. sexy shayari - Borrow a DVD of Nikaah...pen down the 'sexy shayaris' and die at the end of the movie.
Last but not the least...the greatest of em all..
17. ladki ladki ka sex - Comments left to Freaks...too shocked to write .

Signing off from a half-empty blog...
-Balls

Baltimore to San Francisco

2005-10-19T09:59:00.000-04:00

(Go West) Life is peaceful there
(Go West) In the open air
(Go West) Where the skies are blue
(Go West) This is what we're gonna do [1]

[1] Pet Shop Boys
[2] Meghneel, refer 1

( Couldn't help myself :D )

Scene 2: Baltimore to Cleveland (Cleveland? THE WHYYYY?)

It is 7:00 pm, both Bhaiyya and Mike are very late to start off (so what's new?). At last, the last bag is in the car.

Narrator: On October 18th, 2005, Mike and Bhaiyya started the journey of a thousand miles with a single step; or the journey of three thousand four hundred and sixty two point one seven miles with the flick of the gear shift. The drive from Baltimore the Cleveland takes one through the states of Maryland, Pennsylvania and Ohio.

Mike: Hum log abhi is car ko really "fully loaded" kehe sakte hain!
Bhaiyya: Hahahahahahaha!
Mike: Chal boss, niklis, already late ho gaya hai, bhenchod jaisa, let's go, man!
Bhaiyya lowers his tone and his demeanor becomes deferential; talking about the hallowed Cigarette God always has this effect on Bhaiyya
Bhaiyya: Yaar, ek cigarette marke nikalte hain...
Mike: Yes, of KHourse!

Narrator: So after the mandatory salutations to the God, Mike and Bhaiyya are finally on their way to Cleveland at 7:05 pm. Generally, it would take sane men about 6 hours of non-stop driving to complete this 370 mile drive; it takes them only 5 hours and 15 minutes and that too after 45 minutes' worth of breaks in between.

Enter Sagar, Mike's friend living in Cleveland, studies at Cleveland State University.
Sagar: Kay re madarchod, kasa ahes? Mela nahis na vatet?
(Hey, mothafukka, wassup? Didn't have an accident and die on the way, did you?)
Mike: Nahi aai zavadya, nahi melo, tula marlya shivay ani azun ek don kama ahet ti kelya shivay marnar nahi me. (No, mothafukka, I won't die till I kill you, and there are a few other things that are preventing me).
Sagar: Hahahahaha!
Mike: Kya solid thandi hai idhar!
Sagar (heavy heavy marathi accent to his hindi): Arey haan, idhaar aisa thandi padneko shtart ho gaya hai. Raat mein to 45 degree tak jata hai.
Mike: Oh fuck! Itna jaldi itna thandi?
Sagar: Ho re, kay karnar, aliya bhogasi... (Yes, man, can't help).
Mike: Hmm, te hi kharach ahe. (Ya, that's true). Chal re gharat chal, nahitar thandi nech maraycho, gadi cha accident vhaychi garaz nahi padnar! (Let's go inside, otherwise we'll die of cold and you won't have to wait for me to die a horrible, terrible, gory and bloody death on the highway).
Sagar: Ho, I would rather that you die in a car wreck.. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mike and Bhaiyya: MADARCHOD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The trio make their way into the apartment building. It's a tall building in downtown Cleveland. It's okay, not too good, not too bad. 9th floor is Sagar's apartment (among others, of course). Sagar, Mike and Bhaiyya enter his apartment.

Mike: De reeeeeeeee, beer de!
Sagar: Aai ghalya adhi chappal tar kadh! (At least take your footwear off!)
Mike: Chappal kadhta kadhta beer peeto me! Lavkar de.
Sagar (refering to Mike's maniacal driving): Tumhi lok kaychakay lavkar alat re.
Mike: Ho ka? Mala nahi asa vatla. Beech mein mere gaadi mein ek bachcha rone laga, "Mummeeeeeee, bhoook lageeee haiiiiii!"
Narrator: This is a tangential and derogatory remark to Bhaiyya's hunger and the break that Mike and Bhaiyya had to take just 30 minutes into their trip due to this.
Bhaiyya: Haan, tu to kabhi khata hi nahi hai na, bhosade!
Mike: Haan, nahi khata huun.
Bhaiyya (imitating Mike): Bhosade mein ja re!
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

After a couple beers and six laac cigarettes later...

Sagar: Chal re me zopto, mala udya lavkar uthun Mugdha la kamavar sodayla zaychay.
Mike: Hmm, udya mala kahich kaam nahi ahe.
Sagar: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mike: Thamb re randechya, roz roz tula maza darshan milta ka?
Sagar: Thank GOD, nahi milat!

Translation
(
Sagar: Alrighty then, I am going to sleep, tomorrow I have to get up early and take Mugdha to work.
Mike: Hmm, tomorrow I have nothing to do.
Sagar: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mike: Wait you son of a whore, do you get to see me everyday?
Sagar: Thank GOD that doesn't happed!
)

After 5 hours of sleeping

Mike (getting up): It's 8:00 shit!
Sagar: You leaving now or later?
Mike: Let Bhaiyya get up, which will take another sixx yeeaaas. So my guess would be later.

After an infinite amount of time, which includes accompanying Sagar and his girlfriend (oops! fiancee) to her workplace, coming back, drinking chai and then showering, Bhaiyya and Mike are finally ready for the second leg of their journey!

Iconic Women

2005-10-16T13:13:00.000-04:00

I’m sitting here in the hall in Kausum’s place watching a TV show titled “Women Icons in Hollywood”. An award show that pays tribute to great women like Shirley McLean, Meryl Streep, Laura Linney and so on and so forth. Watching something like this made me think of the obvious parallel - the Icons in Bollywood. Along with that there was another thing that came to my mind. A brainchild of Balls and myself, an idea for a good, no great bollywood spy movie. This time though I will discuss the former topic, the latter to come soon, Volume 2 soon to come, as someone before me said.

Nowadays, if we look at some of the movies that have released in Bollywood in the last few years, or the last decade would be more so, I think there has been a dearth of women with the full package. Most importantly in the package is the ability to actually act, unlike Bipasha Basu or any of the ladies in the Mohabbatein tragedy. Beauty of course comes a very close second. If I say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or that beauty is not everything, then I would be lying, I put it second because to be even considered as an actress there is a scale or level that the girl must be at, and there are hundreds or probably even thousands, so after that only if you are really special do you stick out. Now I am not going to do any serious research (only imdb & first page of google search) about this because I think the comments will suffice to make up for anyone that I have missed.

Madhuri Dixit (Ahhh), Sridevi, Hema Malini, Rekha, Jaya Bachhan. I am sure I have missed a few. As you guys all know I am probably the last person to come up with a blog on bollywood, because of my extensive knowledge on the subject (back foot thyair). So, Comment Away !!!

Regards

Sri

The Death of Mike

2005-10-15T13:19:00.000-04:00

It’s been a while since I have posted something on the blog and I was wondering what I should write about. After some thought I figured that there would be no better blog than the description of the horrible death of mike. That would be something that we all could appreciate.

***********************************************************************************
All characters represented in the following blog are completely fictional. Any similarity wth any individual will be a complete coincidence. (Yeah right !!!!)
***********************************************************************************

One obvious consideration is that his death should be slow and very painful. He should suffer like I do when bhaiyya is pakoing me about something that I really don’t care about. So when I was thinking about it I thought maybe we should play 20 questions. With each question irrespective I would remove one of his appendages. After cutting off a toe, put some extra hot red mirchi powder on the wound. What a positive joy it would be to watch mike cry out in pain as I laugh and speet in his face. I also figured that one person who should definitely included to assist in the torture should be anoop. The poor fellow has had to deal with this fuck throughout the day everyday for months at a time. At least I could go home, BUT MIKE IS IN ANOOP’s HOME, WHAT CAN HE DO !!!! Everyday he comes home, thyiar he ees!!! Also the sadistic aup will surely come up with some innovative way that we can derive pleasure in the torture.

One thing I was thinking that I must do is after the mirchi torture I must burn the wound such that the bleeding stops. I wouldn’t want him to die on me right!!! None of us would. After that I think that I would tape his eyes open and then play both spiderman movies back to back. I would make sure to pause the movie and wake mike up when he passes out. Unfortunately I think that might not fly because I don’t want to torture anoop as well. After all, it’s not all about my fun, he should also enjoy himself.

I think the final straw that would break the camel’s back would be using my not so secret and no so subtle weapon, the Bhaiyya. Every weekend, as all us freaks know, I have been going to their house to do laundry, and during the course of the weekend, every weekend, there is some incident of flirting between them (mostly initiated by pushkar). Its not subtle, since Bhaiyya is incapable of such an act, and I am forced to listen to both of them tell me how the other one is flirting more. Mike as you know cannot wait to make sure that everyone in the world knows what he THINKS happened, and forces his point of view on me. Once I saw something that scarred me for life, bhaiyya asking mike to grab his ass. So I think the final torture would be to get bhaiyya drunk, spray mike with some axe deo, play some romantic gai/bhais ka song and leave the house. I think you all know why this will be the final straw.

Then I think it would be apt to just put mike out of his misery. I don’t think anybody would want to live for even a second after that most gruesome violation (<- guess which movie that is from).

Whew!!! That was fun. I needed to release that pent up anger. Now I can go back to faking friendship with Mike. Mike is leaving for the west coast. I would have preferred that he die but you cannot get everything in life. But you know, a very small part of me will miss the mike-that-should-not-be-missed. The incessant release of gas from every aperture, the crazy random shouting, the god complex, and Hero of the day (which is probably the only song that he will ever play – ever) will be missed. In a short span of time, the gore that forever made us realize, that Temple as a university must never exist, and sometimes, universities must discriminate in granting admission. I am sorry to say but I cannot think of anything good to say about mike, its because it’s the brash mike that we all like (not like bhaiyya, that’s lust).

All kidding aside, good luck mike, I know you feel more at home in San Francisco, since you will no longer be a heterosexual at the end of this “road-trip” with pushkar - who has told me at least ONE HUNDRED BILLION TIMES that everyone in his office calls mike his wife, and that ‘they’ say that this trip is going to be more that just a road trip. I think we should give pushkar the same thing that we gave marwadi. Only I don’t think it comes in pin sizes.

Adios and muchhos gracias for all the great times.

-

Sri

Big B:- Hallowed be thy name

2005-10-10T23:59:00.000-04:00

On account of GOD's bday on the 11th of Oct, Vishal and moi decided that we wud pose 11 questions to Freaks and post the results as a poll on the blog. The much-awaited results are as follows:

Fav Movie: (no real surprises here)
Sholay(4)
Deewar(4)
Amar Akbar Anthony(1)
Lawaaris(1) - (Kausum where the hell did that come from??)

Fav Song: (no clear fav here)
Tere jaisa yaar kahan(1) - aankh se aanso aa gaya ...
Yeh dosti hum nahin todenge(1) - Still remains the greatest hindi song on friendship.
Rang Barse(1)
jumma chumma dede(1) - amit rocks ... kimi ... growllllllll!
Pag Ghungroo baand(1) - classic amit ... brilliant song ... brilliant execution
Jaane Kaise Kab kahan(1) - Good song...nice choice bhaiyya
Kabhie kabhie(1) - (Balls' opinion ...zzzzz)
Inteha Ho Gayee Intezaar Ki(1)
My Name is Anthony Gonsalves(1) - Excoooz me puhlees.
Mere Agne mein(1) - Versetality of the man to the fore.

Best Performance: (again kinda a no-brainer between Deewar and Agneepath, though its a surprise not even one Freak went for Shakti)
Deewar(4) - one for the GODs ... stunner!
Agneepath(3) - pura naam vijay dinanath chauhan ... aaaahhh ... orgasm!
Sholay(1)
Anand(1) - (I thought Kaka stole the limelight here?)
Black(1)
Namak Halal(1) (i know it adds up to 11 ... not our fault ... we can count ... blame suraj, cos he couldnt make up his mind between agneepath and deewar)

Worst Movie: (most of these movies suck ... hard to pick one)
Mrithyudata(1) - couldnt have picked a worse comeback flick
Jaadugar(1)
Boom(1) - Katrina Kaif was gorgeous in this one ... ohh ... sorry no distractions ... back to the poll ... Katrina ... ohhhh so sexy ... slurrrp (censored)
lal badshah(1)
Kyoon..ho Gaya Naa(1)
Saudagar(1)
Shahenshah(1)
Bade Miyan Chhote Miyan(1) - (??? ... r u sure strikant it belongs here?)
Toofan(1) - double amitabh ... double the suckiness
Waqt - The race for exit doors

Fav Dialogue:
The popular choices:

Main aaj bhi feke hue paise nahin uthatha (4) - aaaaaah .... that classic .... numero uno ... and justified
Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin, naamumkin hai (3)
Tumhara naam kya hai Basanti(3) - the way he says it ... that mocking tone ... priceless!
jaoo pehle us aadmi ka sign leke aoo jisne mere haath pe ...(4) - cult status

The Critics picks (Vcd and Me :-))

Ma .. maine aaj haat dho liya hai - Agneepath(1)
Pagar Badhawo..Ye policewale ka pagar badhawo tum..sala itana paisa main ghar nahi chalata..Imaan kaise chalega - Agneepath(1)
Aaj apun ka mauth ke saath appanment hai ,,,English mein bolta hai ..kyaa- Agneepath(1)
Peter..tum mujhe dhund rahe ho aur mein tumhara yahan intezaar kar raha hoon- Deewar (2)
Pura naam, Vijay Dinanath Chauhan, baap ka naam, Dinanath Chauhan, Maa ka naam, Suhasini Chauhan, Gaon Mandwa. Umar Chatiis saal - Agneepath(2)

Basically this kinda shows us that most of Amit's memorable lines are from Deewar and Agneepath....and interestingly these two were voted as his best performances...put 2 and 2 together.

Amit/Jaya or Amit/Rekha (surprisingly close ...)
Amit/Jaya(6) ... Jaya u can relax now ... freaks have given the verdict
Amit/Rekha(4) ... Rekha ... too bad ... u r 2nd in line in the polls too ... but we guys are still hungry :-)))

Comedy/Drama or Angry
Angry(7) - lots of reasons given for this ... emergency ... unemployment ... frustration of the common man ... all these factors made him a superstar ... but the generation after that also chooses him and shows it was not just a phase ... it was the sheer brilliance on the man's part
Comedy(1) - we lost an actor with brilliant comic timing to this whole angry young man wave ...
All of the above(1) - its a poll ... choose one Yatin!!!

Which wud u have liked to see him in (some very very interesting ones in here):
Oskar Schindler(1)
Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver(1)
Andy Dufrene(1)
Godfather(1) - did a similar thing in sarkar ... but amit doing the original role would have been something else ... cos with due respect to RGV ... he is still no Coppola
Tyler Durden(1)
Gladiator(1) - Interesting choice bhaiyya.
Judah Ben Hur(1)
Jeffrey Lebowski(1) - hahahahahahaha ... good un Lookateem
Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man(1)
Al Pacino in Scarface(1) - KK has done it again...thought it was done in Agneepath!

Could he have taken on Hollywood
Definitely(9)
No(1) (Bhaiyaa's acting Lucifer here :-) )

Funniest role:
Chupke Chupke(6) - main jo keheta hu woh samjati hai ki tum keh rahe ho ... keheta main hi hu ... keheta main hi hu ... lekin woh tum jo main hu aur woh main jo tum ho ... woh main jo main ...(CLASSIC!)
AAA(3) - aisa to aadmi do ich baar bhagta hai life me, olympic race ho police ka chase ho ... tum kis ke liye bhagta hai bhai
Namak Halal(1) - Nice one Strikant ... easy to forget that one

Voice/Dialogue or On screen persona:
Screen Persona(4)
Dialog Delivery(2)
Voice (1)
All of the above(1) - Yatin does it again!
Eyes(1) - ye, that idiot is Vishal

Here's a toast to the greatest thespian ever to grace Indian cinema. Thanks for providing us with wholesome entertainmentduring our glory days and hopefully in the future too. U rule the roost...the true Badshah of Indian cinema...you have said it yourself in Kaalia :Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein, line wahi se shuru hoti hai. Happy B'day from Freaks.

-BALLS / VCD

Bloggers Kick Ass !!!

2005-10-10T14:12:00.000-04:00

It had been a long hiatus since I started do some blog surfing to see what is happening at the hallowed world.

I started of with Gaurav's blog and I was surprised by the post on his blog, where he has left his job etc.

http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com/2005/10/update.html

I remembered quite a while ago when I read the original blog about his comments on IIPM and was surprised as to why is the issue coming along now.

Then after a week, I return to the blogsphere and I have see a entire blog war started up. The media have quietly and silently stood and watching from the sidelines, but apna own Indian blogosphere is in quite a fight.

Have a dekho ...

http://www.desipundit.com/2005/10/08/lies-damned-lies-and-fake-blogs/

But, have we really come of age to really Kick Ass ? Can we take over the lofty institutes who blatantly polarize issues, hide facts, advertise non-existent stuff and promote ideals.

This is the inflection point of blogosphere, where how far can we stand for our Freedom of Speech. I also started reading some blogs which have sprung overnite to support IIPM.

However, I do stop and wonder, Can the blogosphere be also manipulated like other media outlets. We know the papers / the news .. Can the blogosphere maintain the sanctity of freedom of speech.

Not to mention " With great powers come great responsibilities" As we have freedom of speech (I thought so until I read the legal notice served by IIPM) we also have responsibilities to some extent.

On some of the finer points of all these controversies :-

1. Would like to meet the Legal Cell of IIPM
2. Would also like to know who and how did one notarize the e-notice. Quite a technical challenge to do all those things as mentioned.
3. How did IIPM get contact information about the blogger to serve legal notices.. Private information are basically not to be released as far as I know about the privacy contracts.

My heart goes out to the students of IIPM who would be the most affected. But hopefully, prospective students would carefully research in future before they take plunge ...

Baltimore to San Francisco

2005-10-09T12:33:00.000-04:00

Scene 1
Outside Bhaiyya and Mike's apartment building. Smoking cigarettes by the dozen. It is morning, about 9:15 am on a Tuesday. Mike looks frustrated. Bhaiyya is laughing at Mike.

Mike: Anil Chandragupta madarchod hai re sala!
Bhaiyya: Hahahahahaha! Kaise?
Mike: Arey kal subah sala main dus baje pahuncha na, to mereko Chandragupta ka email aya tha, saying that 'Try to make it before 9:30'
Bhaiyya: Nahi nahi, ye barabar nahi hai re... Anyway, tere woh company ka kya hua? Relocation de rahe hain tereko?
Mike: Nahi na bhenchod saale. Lekin tune poochha tere friend ko ki kitna paisa lagta hai gaadi transport karwane ke liye?
Bhaiyya: Haan woh bola ki about barah sau rupaye lagte hain.
Mike: Oh fuck! Usse achha to main gaadi chala ke leke jaunga.
Bhaiyya: Hahahahaha!
Mike: Hus mat... soch na... it will be cheaper than transporting it and road trip ka road trip bhi ho jayega.
Bhaiyya: Haan re, actually teri baat mein dum hai.
Mike: Aur kya, kya bolta hai... ayega mere saath san fran gaadi mein?
Bhaiyya: Chal re jaate hain!

Barring a few censored out swear words towards Chandragupta, this was the gist of the conversation between Bhaiyya and me that spurred us on to decide to drive to San Francisco. It's going to be a great drive. I will write a day - by - day account of our travels and travails towards the city of San Francisco. So watch this space.

what if ...

2005-10-05T12:44:00.000-04:00

some interesting what ifs ... maybe we could add a few of our own to this funny-in-parts list:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/29/AR2005092901881_pf.html

Super Series

2005-10-04T17:08:00.000-04:00

I'm really interested in the forthcoming Super series set to begin tomorrow. A myriad of super and future stars clash against each other in a tasty little series. As always before a series I put forth my views and predictions.

Key battles:

1. Sehwag v/s Brett Lee
All of us know for a fact that Sehwag digs at a bowler hurtling the cherry at pace. He has many a time clobbered the likes of Shoaib in Pak, Bond in NZ and Lee in Aus. But Brett Lee comes around this time from a fairly successful Ashes series and holds the mantle for the Oz-destruct-act.
Prediction: Lee wins

2. Lara v/s Mcgrath
Heavyweights at work here. Has always been a mouthwatering contest with Mcgrath holding the upper hand in a lot of contests. But Lara is no Cullinan. He has the ability to destroy an attack but is certainly vulnerable initially where Mcgrath has got him squared up bowled or Lbw.
Prediction: Tie

3. Gilchrist v/s Flintoff
Its a fav with the Pom tabloid nowadays on how Gilchrist was Flintoff's bunny during the ashes. But hey Flintoff is a new kid on the block where Gilchrist has bullied for almost a decade. Gilly would be seething revenge and considering Flintoff's still dizzy state, he is in for a hiding here.
Prediction: Gilly pulling Flintoff back to roots.

4. Martyn v/s Muralitharan
Keeping in mind the indoor nature, I think that dew might play a factor. There would be no breeze, so the drift that Murali depends on be non-existant and that would hinder his performance. But as the 2nd and 3rd games arrive, the track would play slower and lower and should create ample problems for Martyn who, with all due respects is no Mark Waugh at playing spinners. He might have had a fantastic series against India...but sadly he isnt in the right mental state.
Prediction: Murali would edge it.

5. Ponting v/s Akthar
This un should be a classic. Akthar loves to hog the limelight...and this acts as a perfect platform. What better way than to kick the captain in the nuts when he is down. Ponting loves to cut and pull and he is one of the best at that. The SCG being generally slow, he would have more time to negotiate those snorters and this should be one of the highlight contests accoring to me.
Prediction: Ponting...he would be smarting to prove to the world that the Aussies are still the best.

I havent mentioned two modern day greats, Kallis and Dravid. They are blokes who shy away from the media where the rest I mentioned generally always fill up pages. They would quitely go about their task and bring sanctity to proceedings. My hunch is that the World XI would nick the series 2-1.

Man Of The Series: Jacques Kallis. (As much as I hate the guy...cant deny he is a class act)
Disappointment of the series: Pietersen (Mark my words he is going to be sorted out in the series)

Let the show begin!!!

-Balls