Becks/Adidas:New Ad

Have a look a Becks' new ad.
Looks like they hate him so much that he has to come as a cartoon character.
By the look of things...even Scooby Doo wud play better than him :-)

Balls

"Hum Hai Rahi Pyaar ke and Mahesh Saab's clairvoyance"

Hey, I dunno how many of guys have watched that movie " Hum Hai Rahi Pyaar Ke" and if yes the circumstances which forced you or under whose influence you watched it. But there is a scene in that movie in which Aamir Khan's cloth manufacturing company based somewhere in Ulhasnagar has to deliver a certain quantity of clothes for one Sindhi guy ( One inconsequential Dilip Tahil, in a perpetually Sindhi ham mode). If he( Aamir) fails to do so then his company( actually his elder sister's company which he takes care of) would be taken over by the mean and menacing Sindhi (This guy, the Sindhi wishes to trade his daughter, a shemale , Navneet Nishan to Aamir Khan's character, for he(Sindhi) can't bear the ignominy of parenting such a daughter(or so it feels like 90% of the time) anymore).
Like always Aamir's company if filled with non-performers who while away their time discussing about each other's extra marital flings when they find time off from ogling at their handsome boss. So Aamir has to give this motivational speech( putting all the knowledge gained from Bhivandi Institute of Management @ 12 Tukaram Ghorpade Rd, Bhivandi) to his team , that they have to deliver this time and that too at no extra pay,no overtime and finish off the wholesale order of 20 cartons of shirts, 20 of trousers and so forth racing against the clocks of time ( the quintessential Ajanta clock with the huge hanging pendulum). Little did I know that Mahesh Bhatt, the director of this movie which springs so many suprises like torrential downpour on a scorching afternoon in famine struck mid-Maharashtra, had real life consequences.
On Friday the 24th of September 2004, the manager( John a.k.a Aamir) for Global System Design and Testing (my group at Siemens Medical, PA), called the whole team of 12 designers, 10 developers( including yours truly) and 20 manual testers ( who make and break our softwares) for a moving and deeply motivational speech. He told us that we are phasing out our Clinical Solutions Suite to the Beta Site( Client -- Chester County Hospital) on Monday. So there has to be rigorous testing and simulated working of the whole environment on our end in Siemens itself, so that we know whether the software which we have produced can actually be deployed with immediate effect at our client site. The stakes were high ( ~$ 20 million) just like "Hum hai Rahi Pyaar Ke" ( Aamir's company would be no more), our mean and menacing client here had shown us rabbits some carrots , by promising a couple of million more if we can deliver the software ahead of time a week before promised date. Like the workers in Hum Hai Rahi pyaar ke, there were many hands raised for volunteering to work 16 hours, some for 20 hours. We all had a war cry going just like in the movie and all started working. I worked late too till 12 am that night but not for nothing ( paid for all the overtime in addition to the evenings dinner :-)), John couldnt quite motivate like an Aamir, you see, and also come what may, the palate is important to me more than anything). Only difference in the two scenarios is the time which they occured.
So thinking about the turn of events, I just cant help but admire the sheer clairvoyance on the part of Mahesh Bhatt Saab sometime around 10 yrs ago, that he could predict with almost analogical accuracy, such a real life occurance of the scenario in "Hum Hai Rahi Pyaar ke". He is to my mind undoubtedly Freaks Inc. 's official "Nostradamus".

A Really Smart jap Kid!

It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history:-- *Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." He said.

*"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'"? ---Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do. "

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said,
"I'm gonna puke [vomit]" ---The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush [Sr.] to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else,I'll kill you."

Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice,
"[California Congressman] Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." (The teacher fainted.) And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!" ---and Suzuki said, "Americans,...in Iraq 2004!"

All Fellow Freaks,

Recently I came across this amazing discourse by a desi. Although the research was done entirely in California. The research was in English literature and the research area was the Word " F*** ".

Please listen to the attached mp3 for further information of the proceedings.

KK

Discourse.mp3

Why I wouldn’t want to be Shahrukh Khan in my next life

Stuttering more than the muttering mutt Mumbley, hair more unkempt than Carlos Valderrama, hamming more than the ‘Bhishma’ pitamaha of ham acting himself - Mukesh Khanna, here is presenting the ‘master of disaster’ - Shahrukh ‘The ever wailing’ Khan. With a niche for cliché and a penchant for shedding volumes of tears that would make Mother Ganges look woefully destitute of water, he certainly has ‘rowed’ his way right up to the top. Take notice Ms.Jayalalitha, you don’t need to fight over the Cauvery waters; he is the answer to all of Chennai’s water problems. You see you don’t call him ‘King’ for nothing or is it ‘King Nothing’…’King Khan’ is it??? Well I guess we would have to settle with ‘King Kong’.

According to me most fascinating genre of movies is the so-called ‘Serious’ flicks which are unintentionally hilarious. That’s where the term ‘B-grade’ cinema stems from is my guess or in Shahrukh’s case you could call it ‘Badshah-grade’! I hate his unchanging character and the unimaginable amount of “ahmm..urr..amm..uss” sounds he adds to all his dialogues (refer to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai for its extreme usage). A total family guy, single guy caught between two damsels (a novel theme isn’t it!), zealotry, a martyr...u name a Shahrukh movie and he is a Bhel-Puri of all the aforementioned qualities in 299 of the 300 movies that he has acted in. Here I list 5 points as to why he is more annoying than Ranjit Fernando and Rameez Raja put together.

Dude Looks like a lady:

What else could you say about a guy (questionable) who hangs out with the effeminate Karan Johar, acting in his movies targeted at the NRIs (Naturally Retarded Imbeciles) and cries like a teenage girl who has lost the nail polish gloss on her little toe. Whenever a Shahrukh Khan movie is announced, the happiest guys would probably be the Pharmaceutical people…50,000 bottles of Glycerin sold in record time! Another one of his un-manly traits could be seen in his Gay flings with Saif in the movie Kal ho na ho. It doesn’t require clairvoyance to read Shahrukh’s mind during those scenes… ‘Saif is chooo chweeeeeet!’ What next ‘Kya-Roop’ Khan…drag queen???

Kkkiran:

In the movie Darr, Shahrukh has a perfectly fine larynx except when he has to utter the name of his sweetheart…Kkkiran (Mr.Ruk-Ruk Khan…heh heh I’m getting good at this). Probably Kkkcat caught his tongue or maybe during his childhood Preeti Sagar’s tape where she teaches toddlers to pronounce alphabets looped around infinitely on the letter ‘K’. Lesson to be learnt kids don’t buy pirated cassettes (This message was sponsored by the RIAA-Recording Industry Association of America). Also does it make any sense Mr.Kkkhan to woo a girl who belongs to a burly Jat…end result he dies a Kkkutte kkke maut. What an IDIOT! I think this movie should have been named ‘Kkkabhi Stutter Kkkabhi Dumb’.

Awards:

It’s an open secret that Shahrukh has a big say in the Filmfare awards. Otherwise how could one justify him getting an award for DDLJ over the thespian Aamir for Rangeela. If ever there was one award that Shahrukh should ever deserve, that would have to be the ‘Gallant One Of the Filmyworld (GOOF) award’…bestowed for ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’ by the Hysterics And Madness (HAM) Network. In no other movie has Shahrukh tried so hard to look trendy, chic and modish wearing figure-hugging T-shirts and tights in all possible flashy hues and supposedly pass off for a college teen. In no other movie has he had such a pesky daughter who in fact steals the show from him for being the most irksome in a movie. In no other movie Rani has looked so stupid yet being called the sexiest. In no other movie Kajol had such a dim-witted role where she overacted as a tomboy, cried inconsolably over an utter moron, decked up to enchant a fossilized species to arouse fresh cinders of love in him after 8 long years or chuck away an exhibitionist bachelor for an old drooling specimen with additional baggage. In no other movie Salman was seen so fully dressed in Versace and Armani suits. And alas, in no other movie does Reema Lagoo has a role as brief as this one. The award is endorsed by the above-mentioned prestigious institution since the movie and SRK have exhibited almost every single element of extol yet again in this movie.

Hissstrionics:

à In the movie Main Hoon Na (a.k.a Main Hoon Na…so what!), there is a crazy sequence in which a Cycle Rickshaw outraces an SUV where Shahrukh with a "Chal-Dhanno-aaj-teri-Basanti-ke-izzat-ka-sawaal-hai" expression puts Lance Armstrong to shame. Recent reports suggest that the sale of Cycle Rickshaws have tripled after the movie… ‘Hero Honda Basanti’ only $39.99 (plus $300 S/H) after $6000 mail in rebate.
à His half an hour dying scene in Kal Ho Na Ho where every single Actor/Extra/Spot boy sit by his deathbed and weep really irked me to the extent that I got up in the theater and screamed “Abey jaldi mar na…kabse paka raha hai’.
à Mohobattein was dubbed as the ‘Clash of the Titans’ with Amitabh (read GOD) squaring up against the Khan. A few minutes into the movie, watching a 60-year old superstar with a 35-year old media made superstar was a clear indication of who’s the boss and who is the stammering twitching joker.

What is in a name? :

“What is in a name?
That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet.” -- Shakespeare
Ever wondered as to why Shahrukh always has chick-pleasing names like ‘Rahul’ or ‘Raj’ in every movie. Why oh why couldn’t it ever be Goundamani Selvaraj or Maharajapuram Vadivellu? On second thoughts I don’t think it would matter much. Modern Shakespeare would have re-phrased his verse as follows:

What is in a name?
That which we call Rahul
By any other name would still stink (Aadab Arze!)

-Balls

After a brief period of hibernation I finally thought that its time I come out my laziness and write something to make my miniscule(intellectually) presence felt in the scope of freaks inc's ever gaining popularity

I just wanted to start a series of short stories which are small anecdotes from my engineering days. The first leg - an incident ( story if you may) is as follows

"Sabnis" the landlord and "Moti" the Dog

Back in my second year of engineering I had rented a place to stay with one of my friends Vikram Tejwani who was an dimploma holder in Pharmacy.We stayed in the outhouse cum student hostel cum slum in the bungalow of one Mr. Sabnis, a senile and cynical ripe mango(78 yrs old who could have conked off at the strike of the hour clock) , his wily old bitch(pray for her soul, but doesnt change facts) Late Mrs Sabnis who was as mean and menacing as a young Kokanast Bhramin housewife belonging to the Army Men society in Kothrud, Pune. The other members in their family were their son, daughter-in-law and their grand-children who were reasonable and friendly. Seems to me that their son was not their child at all.. I'll leave the imaginations for your perverted minds !
Living to his reputation of stingy parsimony , Sabnis retracted from his original promise of having just two tentats live in his outhouse and before I came back from vacation, I see a third idiotic character called Parag who had stuck notes like " Please remove your shoes outside the house", "Please dont put anything on my table" and the likes. Fresh from ragging a bunch of juniors I had to mete out the same treatment to Parag. Vikram and I were absolutely unreasonable to him which ensured that he got off the house within a month. The only accordance he had with us was in the common sentiment that Sabnis had cheated us by putting three in one room which was meant for two.
Once we (Vikram and I ) decided that it was too much to live in a crowded chawl like atmosphere when you are paying so much, we decided to show Sabnis the finger in our own sweet way. But lo !! Mrs. Sabnis had a different facet to her already bitchy personality. She stole our bags from our room and refused to budge with them unless and until we paid her that semester's money in cash and also brought new tenants to that fuck of a place. Then the following dialogue ensued between us ( Vikram, Mr and Mrs Sabnis senior and I)

Anoop & Vikram : Ajoba..tumhi aamhaala fasavlaat...aadheech sangitla hota tumhi ki tumhi tya room madhye faqt 2 jananna thevnaar aahat mhanun, mag ha teesra kuthun aala.
( Grandpa, you had promised just 2 in the room, then what the fuck is this third man doing there)
Aajoba: Actually, tya room madhye chaar jana rahnya evdhi jaaga aahe ( actually the room can accomodate four..as if he did some meharbaani to us by renting out his outhouse)
Anoop: Tumhi unreasonable ach nahi "chor" pan aahat. Aadhi paishe lootle aamche and atta bag chori karun ghari lapavla aahe
Aaji : Nahi denaar bag kay karnaar tumhi ( In her usual crankay way)
Anoop : Aaho aaji.. ordu nakos..Khapsheel ( O, Aaji, dont shout , you may die !)
Anoop and Vikram in chorus: Aamhi kahi hi karu shakto. Aamhi tumcha gharachya kaaj vagere fodu aani tumchi gaadi chi vaat lavun taaku. Bolva police la baghu kay karta tumhi. Aamchi pan police madhye khoop oolakh aahe aani aamhi tasa hi police complain karnaar aahot ki tumhi aamche bag chorlat mhanun . Gap chup bag dya aani gappa basaa. ( we will shatter all the belongings in your house. You can call the police if you want to ..lets see what you do. Call the police, we too have strings we can pull. We are going to register a police complaint that you robbed our bags. )
Ajoba and Aaji frighteningly parted with our possessions, clearly sensing that the above words which we uttered could well be true and if the police came then they had no chance.
Off we went in front of their faces not paying that months rent too..having stayed there for 10 days in that month :-))
Then we shifted immediately to our new house which was a bungalow called "Yashashri". We were just finishing shifting the stuff in our rented " tempo" ( the three tyre auto rickshwaw with a cover on top), that we were attacked by a ferocious looking dog. This dog was swift and it wasnt afraid of any of us ( rickshaw- walla, Vikram and I). Probably it was the care taker's dog..I dunno. The rickshaw- walla fled fearing that the dog would bite him and it clearly looked like it would have, because it was pouncing upon us literally.
Then I decided enough is enough..this dog must be taught a lesson. Off came one of my free-kick style curl kicks which landed resoundingly on the left ear-lobe of the unreasonable canine. The barking suddenly stopped and so did the activity.Well almost.. but we could see the rage within the creature simmer its way up to boiling point when Vikram finally delivered the knock out punch depriving me of that oppurtunity. Vikram had a mean left kick which now landed on the right ear lobe once and then the second time. (Ghor sannatta with stiffled cries ) The dog had resigned to his fate and clearly realized that its masters have arrived. It realized that its better to be discreet and live a sober life rather than show more valor and die. The dog became my pet for the next three years and never did it try a revenge a la Hindi film style, since it new that its small cerebellum had endured enough impact with those three kicks. That pet dog was Moti - the dog

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would have liked to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.
5. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian D.i.cks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven D.i.cks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

-Balls

Now for some masala bt the blog...

I have been monitoring the referring links for our blog for the past couple of weeks. The referring links make a very interesting blog in themselves.

We have our small bunch of readers, but apart from that google leads a lot of hits to our site...i dont know how we rank so high in google, prolly cause of the umbc.edu domain.

some of the query strings resulting in hits to our page....

aryan vaid photos nude
"main" (in hindi) smoking -- google whack
footballers' wifes
nude pics of only meghna naidu
tiruvannamalai concert -- first link :)
hillarious emails -- msn first page :)
chutiyagiri --google first page
dismissed obstructing the field only indian -- google first page
"uhaul truck" pictures "accident" - google
rehan savin -- google
http://www.locators.com/dir/mallu_pics/?que=mallu pics&start=10&num=10&sid=3l1mjp2dd33rmcp1cei7b0phs2 -- referrin link..dont know how it connects to our page...something weird...
where can i buy lars ulrich's drum kit -- ask jeeves
bangalore pics from 5th element -- google
farewell to team emails - google
professional web templates navratri -google
milind wedding pics -- google
pushkar freaks - yahoo
jitin river - google
aarti+umbc - google from university of cincinati (u've got a fan there ;))
the mongolian grill of columbia -- google
profile of indian actor salil ankola -- goolge ..page 2 11-20
meghna naidu pics wallpaper -- google
sexy and nude photo session of meghna naidu -- google
anubhav sonthalia -- google query from sunnyvale california :)
pics punjabi chut - google link 13
rahul dravid cricket sunglasses - google 13
watch TERE NAAM music video -- link 230 something , pppl use link 230 :)
chaddi pics - google
fly away little parag -- hits from belgium :)
comments on rahul dravid in toi
368hv program to open -- only hit


other things to be mentioned...hell lot of hits from Savitha's blogger profile..