Guys..one among the most hillarious emails I have ever read

Reference :- An F1 student, Gujju guy from Bbay coming to the USA for his Phd in Biomedical Engineering. Friend from India coming to send him (Gujju guy) off at the airport writes this mail to his friend going to pick him up from the airport in the US.

The characters : N( Gujju guy travelling), M(his friend in the US who will receive him from the airport), S( friend who was there to bid N farewell at Sahar), V ( the author of this mail)

Quote of the mail from V to M:

Hi M,

S and I ( V ) went to drop off  N at the airport last night. N's dad had taken entrance passes for all of us and so S and I went inalong with N's relatives into the visitors' area.The hour that followed was quite an interesting one. N apparently was a little overweight (not his body, his cabin luggage) He came back to the visitors' area to ask for advice on how to deal with it. "D" (N's brother) pressed a few five hundred rupee notes into his hand and asked him to bribe the official. I don't exactly know the details of how everything eventually transpired, but from the way I understood it, N shelled out the moolah and still had to decrease some of the books that he was carrying. In any case, N asked me to mail you and to ask you to NOT FORGET to pick him up. There, I've passed on the message. Now it's your job to curse him for his lack of faith when he reaches there.

Also, N is wearing an orange woollen shirt that is probably the most hideous bit of garmentry I have ever laid my eyes upon. Though I couldn't get him to confirm the hypothesis, I have a feeling that it's for the purpose of drawing the attention of rescuers in case the plane has to make an emergency landing in a forest and all neon lights on the plane are non-functional. Though his foresightedness does have a certain survivalistic appeal to it, the combination of overwhelming geekiness and blinding orange that was N last night was certainly an interesting sight.

Wear sunglasses when you pick him up. To avoid retinal damage.

V.
Quote ends

~Anoop

A lot of things have been said about the bonus system and how India after winning 3  losing 2 in their 5 games have qualified leaving Pakistan in the lurch. I think Bob Woolmer is going overboard on this topic. I agree that the bonus point system might be flawed and needs serious rethink, but all the teams knew about this in the beginning. So if Pakistan have been robbed of a place in the finals due to just one off day and one abyssmal performance(122 all out), it cant be helped..they deserve it. So all these talks of cribbing over the bonus points system and talks that follow have no meaning at all..If at all they(pakis) were so concerned about it, they should have contested the rule being enforced in the first case.
Now the net run rate rule ( not lately the most followed first choice rule) was said to be flawed because it gives the team playing the last match a clear idea of the target of runs to chase or defend. They could not have two matches being played(like football) at the same time because of obvious commercial reasons. Now there are already many allegations against the present bonus point rule which makes me think that this is also going to be scrapped off soon. So then we will be left not having a definite metric to eliminate teams with same points in a tournament.

I suggest these changes to the bonus points system:

1. Only the winning team in a match gets bonus points if it is able to restrict the opposite team to a score whose difference with the winning team score is 50 or more than 50 runs. The winning team also gets bonus points if it can score a target set by the opposite team with a run rate of 6.5 runs or more.

2. Even after adhering to this metric if three teams have the same points then net run rate should be the main metric and net run rate of only the matches the three teams are involved. I am not sure if this clause is still there, because if this clause holds true Pakistan would not have have qualified irrespective of India getting the bonus points or not.( Thanks to  their paltry 122).

Dont know how many of the Freaks are Garfield Fans....

A link for fans of the coolest CAT in the world
Garfield : Rok means year. Complete collection from 1978 to 2004.

Words of wisdom from the director of the new sleaze flick 'Julie' - Dipak Shivadasani:
 
"Perhaps Julie is being perceived as a sleazy product. That can't be helped. I am very confident about my film, specially the climax where I've created a powerful emotional impact. People may come to see skin. They'll leave with soul."
 
Total acquiesce to ur thoughts Mr.CheeseSleaze ...im first in line to see this movie...let the BEAST grow a soul.
P.S. The soul growing process has already begun though...Hawas has totally changed my perception of life :-)

A day in the life of a grad student...
 
7:30am Wakeup and lie awake in Bed
7:31am Realize you spent $18 on last night's dinner, means no eating outfor the next 6 weeks
7:45 am Ready to go to school, will shave tommorrow, will eat early brunch at(Denny's/Penny's/Lenny's/Dinko's whatever cafeteria).
8:03 am Arrive at schoolRealize your officemate arrived earlier today must have got more work done
8:04am Pass by Advisor's office, chat with Secretary to find out if he is coming in today. He is, darn. Need to start work on the draft due this afternoon.
8:15am Read mail
8:20 Delete mail from students taking EE 434 regarding questions about the classHate your TA jobDepression: too much work to do today
9:00 For jumpstart: go to coffee machine.
9:05 Kick coffee machine; promise yourself to call up the companyand ask for your quarter.Wonder why they would beleive you.
9:33 Start printing out loads of stuff that may be vaguely related toyour work.
9:41 Early morning stupefactionMutter racist comments to yourself about your officemate
9:43 Curse your officemate in a low tone he would not comprehend Feel good about he not grasping English well
9:58 finger everyone at the office and most people half way around the world (using the "finger" command, of course)
10:19 Feel sleepy, should not have stayed late playing tetris last night.
10:31 momentary panic attack
10:43 edit .plan file. write a shell program to edit .plan more easily
10:59 Drop in at boss(advisor)'s office and borrow something you dont need & and kinda make him aware you are working hard on xyz
11:05 perverted daydreams
11:11 read newsmid-morning yawn time
11:34 Start typing junk at a very high key-in rate to pretendyou are working hard as the boss passes by from outside.
11:35 Press the BackSpace key for one and a half minute until allthe garbage you typed in is erased.Realize that you can type more than 256 characters per half minute
11:41 Flirt with the new girl in the department
11:45 Print out some slides for afternoon's draft + presentation
11:47 Print them again, you forgot to change the date from last presentation
11:49 Print another copy in case this one gets lost
11:51 Completely forget about sueing the coffee-machine company
12:15 Hunger pangs:
12:20 BigMac/Fries time Drink a not-so-cold can of coke from your desk.Ch-Ching, you just saved 35 cents by buying bulk coke
1:00 Group Meeting with boss
1:14 sudden awareness of one's shallownessresentment towards foriegn officemate for sucking up to the boss Get reminded by the boss that you need to do some more literature-survey
1:51 Boss hands you the reddened copy of your draft for corrections
1:51:02 The 49 second urge to murder boss begins
1:51:52 Realize that he controls your paycheck/grade/vacation/late nights/social life/getting a paper out/graduation possiblity/graduation date if applicable/job opportunity and the rest of your life.
1:52:53 Thank him
1:52:54 Thank yourself for not saying something stupid to your boss.
1:53:00 splitting headache #
11:59 check mail, dont reply though , you are too busy to do that
2:06 more coffee
2:17 Oh No, it is my turn to cook tonite :-(
2:30 Sit through the class you were told to sit through
2:39 look outside the window make unrealistic plans to quit this degree program and take up a jobWonder why blonde girls are so pretty
2:48 more perverted day-dreamsClose the office door and open a few gif files.sharpen pencil
3:06 worry about never graduating time to write a letterrearrange deskcall up bank; see if you have any money fear of losing aid next Fall Read latex manuals to figure out how to put &$%&% in %$^% format
3:43 watch the clockmake plans to do a all-nighter toniteVow to watch only 2 TV programs
4:58 Notice Boss leave
4:58:01 Sudden sense of freedom
9:00pm Come into the office
9:01pm The hard working grad student you are, you have to come to theoffice late at night to "get the work done"
9:03 Check mailDecide it would be a good time to attack those ftp sitessince network wont be loadedRun into "since network wont be loaded" traffic and get the pictures into your machine.Compress all unwanted research/class directories to make space.Back up all your pictures
10:11 Admire picturesBegin work; Realize you need referencesRealize its too late today to go to the library Sudden feeling of having wasted the day
10:49 Sudden feeling of possibly having to waste the nightDecide to turn in early and come back very early tommorrow morningDecide to play a computer-game to put yourself in a good mood.
11:15 Play game after game after game to improve your score and get on the scoreboard. Realize that your officemate is still at number 6, two notches above you on the scoreboard.
12:20 Play until you beat your officemate into the 7th place.A sense of achievment!! Yes, today was not wasted!!Return home to find your roommate watching David LettermanTell him about the "hard working grad student day you had"Discuss philosophy with roommate
1:09 Think about becoming a philosopher and dining with 4 others(The Dining Philosophers problem,:) )Argue with him about politics, why people prefer Japanesecars and whether it is better to set the heat to "hot" or "cold"to defrost the windshields faster.
1:49 Realize neither of you have bought milk today Get reminded of the "too much milk problem"
2:04 Forget about getting up early. Turn the phone ringer offand go to sleep.

Bush, Ashcroft and some 'feared weapons ' ..read on guys ...
 
At New York Kennedy airport today, an individual, discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule and a calculator. Attorney general John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math dinstruction. "Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed", Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like, "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country." As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every angle. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. A member of the Presidential group, who spoke without attribution said, "I'm extremely grateful that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are so willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. These statistic bas*tards love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, it's time we differentiated their root, made our point, and drew the line." President Bush said, "these weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex." Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of---though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered and the hypotenuse will tighten around their necks."

Another legend ... should be every proud Freak's wallpaper ...

Check out Ballsy's latest Avataar. This new kid on the block shares the same name as Balls.He surely is Arms n Charms (as Ballsy likes to call himself) .Shawar is losing ground. :)

Now back to my old hot linking habits :)

Found this link which gives some descriptions of words used in Bambaiya Hindi..

I hope this sparks a commentmania enlisting the other loads that are missing in this link.

Some of em --

Peti -- Lakh
Khoka -- Crore
Pandu -- Havaldar

Thoughts in tranquility:
Of traveling in the metro and meeting old friends

Yesterday was quite eventful as always.Though I couldn't keep up with my schedule for the day as always, I could keep up with my latest passion "swimming". It was pretty late in the evening around 9ish when I left for Rockville with heavy rains hindering every thought of leaving early. Samir drove me to the BWI rail station in the rains and finally I could catch the MARC train to Union Station DC just in the nick of time.

I had taken my cricket bat along with me since we(my friends and I) had planned to play cricket during the weekend.Then started my arduous efforts of explaining what it(the bat) was to every Tom Dick and Harry in the train...these Americans have to be so inquisitive that I felt " Gosh..had I been more laconic in my reply to the first person who asked me". One of my fellow passengers had also seen "Lagaan" which drew me to observe his suspected British descent.He was a Puerto Rican though and he follows cricket after his trip to India sometime back in 2000.Makes me happy..cricket finds a place in someones interests in this country apart from desis.I caught the metro from Union Station in DC towards White Flint which is the closest metro station near Rockville.
A quick comment on the "beauty" levels of the metro stations.There were gorgeous beauties in the train from Union Station till Dupont Circle after which the level gradually diminished to obscurity...easily explains why upscale towns produce upscale beauties.Finally I reached my friends place at 11pm in the night my days fast broken with an exquisite Gujarati platter of roti with "patta gobi ni sabji".And today morning the day I had been waiting for came by..a reunion of friends Ashutosh(my friend from Rockville), Aditya my friend from San Diego and I meeting each other after 5 yrs...the telephone and the internet has really bridged the communication gap in the most fulfilling way.

All u Kournikova fans ...check out the new tennis sensation from Russia .. Maria Sharapova ... 17 years old and she is in the wimbledon finals. And in the "non - tennis" department too, she is much better than kournikova ... u know what i mean ;) .. long live o russian-tennis