Betrayal

Following is a the letter which the head of the sacred order of non-graduates Aup, sent to his disciples shortly after the ghastly turn of events of November 21st 2005.

Quote:

"I thought that adages were meant to be a reflection of reality. I believed that birds of a feather flock together and had left no stone unturned in my effort to instill the principles of indiscipline, lethargy and procrastination into members of our sacred cult. But today, on 21st November 2005 EST 12.30, I reveived a call which shattered the very foundations of my beliefs, hitherto, as hard as a rock. The haunting words "There are exceptions to every rule" resounded in my mind giving me a glimpse of the pragmatic. In every walk of life we have come across atheists, or being politically correct, agnostics ( Bailya, Goli, Marw , Bhaiyya and Savitha) who thought that "non-graduation" as a philosophy per se, could exist, but didn't believe in it ( their one semester extensions and subsequently their graduation explains this). We (Aup, Balls, Mike...) stuck to our mission statement "Thou shall not graduate..ever!" as our raison d'etre. But the turn of events of today can be unequivocally described as catastrophical. People tag along with the core individuals(of this cult) and then, somewhere in time, part ways and commit such heinous crimes, that shake the very foundation( of this rare sacred cult ). Not so long ago, Mr. Balakrishnan Ramachandran was a sincere member who with his unwavering loyalty, was the right hand of the Master Aup (MS CE/CS Aug 2002 -), which, had earned him the true admiration and respect of the esteemed regulars Mike ( MS CS Aug 2003 -), Ashutosh (Aup's friend from Rockville MS CE June 2000 -) and Aditya ( Aup's friend from San Diego MS CS Aug 2001 -). Then there was the genesis of a forbidden desire and an inner voice led him off on a tangent. He kept digging in, ploughing hard, against all odds (the set of ideals preached within our cult) , much to the chagrin of the orthodox ranks. The result.. with a combination of his effort ( or so we are made to think) , his critically acclaimed manipulative, glib-talking skills, he successfully defended his Master's thesis and is now marching with aplomb, towards "Graduation"( my apologies for the blasphemy). This ignominous act of his, has left me with absolutely no choice other than to unceremoniously discard him from the order with the severest degree of dishonor. Anyone contemplating the unthinkable shall be dismembered from the cult with immediate effect. At dusk, the Master will address all disciples in an attempt to stem the overflowing sentiment of betrayal and douse the blaze of the fire of graduation. There would be a clarion call to never tolerate such a betrayal of trust and disloyalty and repose your faith in our mantra .. The truly educated never graduate"

Unquote

Dear Balls,

Jokes apart, I feel really happy for you that you did it and did it in style (thesis passed without changes). You kept the motivation going and pushed hard to get the job accomplished, which, is something I will take inspiration from. You were ably assisted by the power of English and your spot-on shot in the dark. I wish I could say that I know how it feels to get the burden of thesis off your shoulders, but I am not qualified to do that. So, for once being non-Aup, heartiest congratulations for a job well done and kudos on your gracious exit from our cult !

40 Years of Torture and More !!!!

Well an epoch making event has just happened, Shahrukh Khan has turned 40 !!! This blog is dedicated to him and one of our esteemed reader who posted one of our hate mails for an earlier blog.

First and Foremost - Lets talk about the newest resolution of Shahrukh Khan -

"He is going to quit smoking"

Its quite a bold step to do. Infact, I believe he started smoking to show that he is a man enough. But after his happy relationship with his friend Karan Johar, I guess he has realized that he does not need to be a man anymore and can return to his basic instincts ... of bein a woman ...
You ask for proof !!! Watch the latest LUX ad.

The fallouts :-

1. We will have to endure more of his movies and his bakwaas for the coming decade. It was becoming unbearable but now since he wont die fast ... I can only worry about the future in Bollywood movies for us.

2. Infact i shudder at the thought when my Kid will ask "Why was sharukh khan considered such a best actor " in the most sarcastic voice. I guess the answer to that would be He is basically an embodiment of a female trapped in a male body and his constant trials and tribulations to retain his original form.

3. With Karan Johar not smoking too .. I guess we will see more relationship and association between SRK and KJ ... spells more trouble for us.

Second :-

" SRK always new he had talent and his success would be riding on talent than anything else" -- Azziz Mirza

Blah ... If he had talent then I have better talent than him in acting or even Balls.

Third :-

Two comments from SRK

"If in Titanic, an 80yr old woman can still love the young man she loved then why cant there be a love story between a ghost and a woman"

"Asoka is ahead of its contemporaries"

Should I even comment on it ..NAAAAAAAH

Also, Last but not he least

SRK : "I do not want to watch my own movie"

I guess he is better off having no issues with mental anguish which we suffer from his incessant
chattering ... and lack of any skills whatsoever .. I guess we can safely assume that he will outlive us.

I hope to see a movie where apna GOD (Amitji) kill him in a classic showdown in all the SeVen ways possible. We need a redeemer !!!

Two Brothers

A couple of days back Vishal posed me the question: What did Amitabh wanted to convey to his audience when he said “You see the coefficient of the linear is just a position … by the hemoglobin of the atmospheric pressure in the country”. I thought long and hard…racked my embryonic cells…but in no way could I make any logical sense of that statement. I crashed in the night, twisting and turning with the poser just compounding my insomnia. Suddenly the theme music of Dr. Strangelove (a Kubrick movie) started playing. I jumped up totally startled, but was instantly put to ease knowing that it was a specific ringtone I had set for Marwadi’s calls. “Hello Bala main Anubhav”… I yawned. Marwadi dished out the usual…blathering about human rights to a tarantula’s libido. Strangely this time around he sounded a lot like somebody I knew, I had heard, I revered. A palm sized steel box flashed followed by a perpetually peeved expression and then a torso sporting a torn baniyan. That’s it!!!! It was Raj Babbar…the man, that God, that Sheen!

With the power of ‘hindsight’, I could somehow recollect that I had always ribbed Marwadi of wearing a similar baniyan to the one worn by Babbar in ‘Mazdoor’. My mind started racing; with a pounding heart and an excited cerebellum, I started crawling to delve into the intricate parallels of the two legends. Here are my humble findings:

1. Unnamed sources tell me that Raj Babbar has an uncanny similarity to the way Marwadi greets on the fone. So the other day I called his RJD office (Raj Ji ka Dal) and left him a voice mail about a fake possibility of a lead role in Clockwork Orange II (another Kubrick movie).Bubbah is ofcourse famous for his rape scenes in many hindi movies...a pederast scaring Padmini 'Khola'puri. Raj ji excitedly called me back, to confirm the odd similarity between the greats: "Hello Bala main Raj Babbar".
   

2. Sometime back, when I was still in Baltimore the excited 2 yr old kid Srikant dragged me into watching an absolutely shoddy Akshay Kumar movie by the name ‘Police Force’. It was so ridiculously dire that I couldn’t even make a single retort (which is unheard of… believe me). Raj Babbar’s virgin dialogue was the only saving grace of the movie. He enters a flower exhibition and splutters in his now legendary Oxpardessh English: “Real-lee gawd's kree-ay-tion is phan-tie-stick. Eats-grate”! He could deliver such a fantastic line with ‘paan’ strewn all over his oral cavity. Man’s love for flowers is generally unheard of…but this is where the generalization stops and the parallelization begins. This is what I mean. I rest my case.
   

3. I’m pretty sure that you guys haven’t seen Bubbah saab ever dance. Neither have I, but according to me going by the similarities with Marw, we could safely conclude that it wouldn’t be very far from Marw’s slick moves. If u guys have ever seen Marwadi after a heavy lunch or dinner, you would precisely know what I’m talking about. When he burps, its not just gas escaping his esophagus, but it’s a release of energy that actually culminates into a nice conglomeration of urban punk and break dance. The mid-riff synchronously follows the neck and the butt to form a nice wavy motion with the hands flapping the air in rhythmic movement. I would leave this unique step to your imagination, but believe my gut feeling Babbar Sher wouldn’t be far off from this one.
   

4. Leaving aside the Lucknowi accent (for its cult usage watch the now legendary dialogue from LOC: How many Kajulteez are thyair?), the Sher has paid homage to Marwadi in a particular scene from the movie Sansar. Bollywood ishtyle he kissed Rekha (background two flowers touching each other) and had her pregnant. The coy family woman that she is, she is unable to break the news to the Sher. This is the dialogue that ensues (its too difficult to describe the scene so the actual meaning is in brackets):
   

Sher: Ahhhh ( Wassup?)
Rekha: hmmm (I’m fucked!!!)
Sher: Huaahhh (Watchya mean Nigga?)
Rekha: (pointing to a 16x16 picture of a white kid)
Sher: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Should have purchased a condom)

Imagine if the same dialogue was to take place between Sher and Marwadi:
Sher: Ahhhh ( Wassup?)
Marw: Haan?? (rhetorical)
Sher: Huaahhh (Watchya mean Nigga?)
Marw: Matlab (Abey angrezi mat bol…who bhi Bum)
Sher: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Should have purchased a condom)
Marw: Pata nahin yaar (Gira doon??)

Coming back to the original question now…how does this relate to the song lyrics? Well I am a big fan of Kubrick and I totally like to leave the blog open ended…a chance for you guys to rack your brains.

Respect to the two greats…EXCUSHHH ME PUHLEEES!!