Lazy Ramblings

For lack of creativity and anything extraordinary to write, I started drooling over a few topics that made the news over the past couple of days - -

1. And Justice for all - Finally Jessica Lall's soul can rest in peace. This really has been a one of a kind case where the Indian media for a pleasant change canvassed the entire re-investigation campaign. Even though the verdict is yet to be passed, the guilty has atleast been made to consume a daily dosage of 'muffins'. I'm all for a 'life sentence' rather than a quick trip to the gallows and beyond. The reason being, Manu Sharma is all of 29 yrs old...young enough to spend his lifetime in jail reminiscing he horrid crime he commited. The thought itself should be good enough to drive anyone insane. Dafa 302 would only liberate him from the impending agony... and a scumball like him doesnt deserve to get such a noble death. Thoughts???

2. Dude looks like a lady - Inspite of all the advances our country has made over the years, its pretty much been a stagnant growth on the sports front. A few that are succesful are hounded by the press, public and (now) doctors alike. Santhi apparently failed a 'gender' test after winning at the Doha Asian games. Its hard to fathom how she (innocent until proven guilty) must be feeling right now. The ignominy that awaits her when she steps into her small destitute village, the shock that her parents must have endured and above all the disappointment of having worked so hard and being stripped off her medal is way beyond contemplation. I'm far from being an expert in these 'chromosome' tests, but I firmly believe that after an initial failure, a 2nd test has to be performed immediately before releasing the story to the media. The way this has been handled right now is pretty pathetic...the damge has already been done. Say for arguement's sake, the tests turn out to be negative, returning the medal would hardly serve as damage control. The pain, suffering, misery and the anguish that the athelete has to go through in that time frame is not something the Olympic Committe would be able to compensate for. The same arguement goes for the drug tests. If the 1st sample indicates presence of banned substabces, tke a 2nd (stool sample) and for cross-reference. I think Santhi should be given a fair chance...comments?

3. Pak Chik Pak Raja Babu - I could not stop laughing at Sreesanth's antics after clobbering the incessant mosquito Nel for a towering six. The gyrations reminded me of a certain Govinda thrusting his pelvic riding a Yezdi in Raja Babu. Sreesanth has joined the elite (but small) group of Indian cricketers who have responded magnificiently after an altercation. Only Prasad (v Sohail) and Harbhajan (v Ponting) spring to mind. But its not all fun and games with we Indians. The ugly face of being on the wrong side of double standards raised its despicable hood again. For all of Nel's chatter (throughout his insignificant career), for all of the Aussie sledging and the Kiwi's 'innocuous' banter, its always the Indians who are reprimanded. I'm not saying Sreesanth is a saint from the temples of Guruvayur but he is as culpable as Nel for the every other ball ball he delivers. I know, its only 30% of his match fees and going by the leverage he would get after this performance (with the ball as well as his balls) its pretty insignificant. But its the same old story of yet another victim which includes elite thugs like Sachin, Dravid, Sehwag and Prasad. Oh and before I sign off...my request for Sreesanth in the next match is a Waltz with Nel...sparks would surely fly :-)!!!

The Three Templates

This cold weather in December and the inability to kill time after work (in some cases at work), always brings out the uber-pensive, moody, introspective individual in me. It doesn't help that the birth-mark L has been etched permanently on my forehead so the high point of the day is usually an after 9 EST worthless chat with fellow Freaks. A plethora of second-standard jokes and leg-pulling sessions ensure that I sleep well only to wake up to another gloomy, lackadaisical rotation round the earth's axis. Balls, Bhaiyya and I were discussing the other day about how we can easily find parallels in each other's present lifestyle and the state of mind that each of us are in. The following templates will sum up our sentiments and give an account of the day to day happenings over the past few weeks.

The work template: Having spent a majority of the day finding out the latest happenings on rediff.com and Kantiesque chatting with each other, it is no suprise that the theme has been g**** pe @ work. Some fortunate people have the luxury of working at home and continuing the good work if you know what I mean. For such people this WFH (Work from home) template will serve really good
"I will be working from home today. I can be reached at xxx-xxx-xxxx or via email"
Since this will be in use more often than not, I find it better to store it as WFH.txt on my desktop and use it as and when needed.One interesting thing to note is that there is no need to give any reason as to why you want to work from home. You may want to just relax, catch a movie, sleep or write a blog for crying out loud. WFH can be used contructively too as you can read each and every article on rediff.com and dicuss about people who have the makings of cult figures.
A typical coversation in the afternoon on a WFH day
Aup: Balls..kya kar raha hai..g**** pe hai ?
Bala: Apna kya hai re..ek mahine se g**** pe hai
Aup:Rediff padha ki nahi ?
Balls: Padha naa..stars who died young..Babbar saab ne bol diya hai.."Smita was an integral part of my life karke"
Aup: Savaal hi nahi hai..also pretty good discussion about Smita Patil, Meena Kumari, Madhubala, Guru Dutt, Geeta Bali, Geeta Dutt, Sanjeev Kumar and K.L Saigal in the "stars who dies young section"
Balls: Haan re..waise Manav Gohil ka chat padha kya
Aup: Nahi re..kya hai woh
Balls: Deliver nahi kar raha hai tu..Manav Gohil is the next best thing on India Telly. Uske maa-baap bhi uske baare mein discuss nahi karte honge.
Aup: Chal re..let me get back to blog and rediff
Balls: Chal..me too.

The ice-breaker template: Over the hill is the sentiment here. Having witnessed a Zimbabwe like performance by our parents in the "ladki" department and our present performance being comparable to India's travails in South Africa, we are pretty much left to do the best we can in corresponding to whatever scraps that come our way.So, here are three templates which would be the way each of us introduce ourselves to the girl
Aup: Hi, I am Aup. People have embellished me with many nicks like Aup Baba, Vhyavhichari, R***baaj and people who cannot find A on the keyboard call me Bup. Neways, jokes apart..(Then a truth-concealed section about what I do..blah blah).I saw your partner expectations section on J****.com and though I am not all of that(I am none actually), I must say that I come pretty close (I must not).I have a feeling(like with everyone else..any girl for that matter) that this can go further (the point being that you are so hot) so I would like to either chat with you or have a conversation on fone. This is my number blah blah... if you feel the same. Take care !

Balls: Now Balls takes as much time to write his introduction as he does to write a blog on one of the concerts that he attends. Well thought-of, "detail oriented" and strikingly used repetitions.Heres what his template. I wont copy his entire template but I will point out the striking repetitions !
"My name is Balakrishnan Ramachandran (Yeh...Americans along with trying to solve the mystery of the Flying Dutchman, are still grappling on how to 'fit' my name onto a Credit Card). U cud address me by Vijay (what they call me at home)"
"I am a complete Bambaiyya at heart and wudnt exchange the Kohinoor diamond for my love towards that city."
"On a more personal front, I've a wicked sense of humor, am a stickler for correct English, a fair cook, a good writer and brilliantly lazy :-)"
"If ur still awake at this juncture, I would like to know more about you...ur interests, ur present work, ur career goals or whatever u are comfortable to put forth initially"

Bhaiyya:

"I am Bhaiyya. I was born in M@#**pur eons ago. I am working as a dejine engineer in Company XXX. I held the same job at my previous company. My responsibilities included library dejine. Yaar..woh jo metal routing hai woh 0.09 micron mein fit karna kaafi mushkil ho jaa raha tha. Vcc se Gnd ka jo hai woh sahi nahi ho raha tha. Communicason chip mein P-Well aur N-Well ka jo hai woh routing behen**** hua merese.Synopsis me ek baar yeh kaam ho gaya to fir Skill mein script likh deta hoon mein..fir sahi saa ho jaata hai. Will you marry me?"
"Khaana badhiya bana leta hoon waise. Favorites to Chilli Chicken aur Palak Paneer hai. Paneer jo hai use halka sa tel mein fry kar leta hoon. Fir palak ko tel ke tadke mein pyaaj aur masalon ke saath halka sa butter mein fry kar leta hoon. Fir dono ko milakar halka sa fry kar leta hoon. Uspar aur 2 liter tel daalkar "cheeej" daal deta hoon. Usse madar**** Palak Paneer ban jaata hai. Mujhse lagan karogi kya?"

The congratulatory email template: Given our penchant for "detail-orientation" and everyday discussans on trivial happenings on rediff, it is no surprise that we are still hunting for our better halves.We can't help but stare at the multitude finding their life partners while we are left to write congratualtory emails to everyone on every such occurance. So, a congratulatory email template is a must for people like us

Engagement : "Hi XYZ,Many many congratulations to you on finding our partner. I wish you all the best as you embark on the next step with him/her. I wish I could be by your side on such a huge occasion in your life. Take care and I'll see you once you are back from India"
Marriage: "Hi XYZ, please accept my heartiest congratulations on tying the knot. It is a surreal moment for me to see you guys being friends before and taking your relationship to the next level. I wish you all the best in our endeavors and hope that in each others company you find happiness, peace and contentment for days to come" + second part of engagement template.

So, thats it in a nutshell. It is fitting that this blog has been the high-point today as I am WFH...a day well spent ! So when my boss congratulates me on giving this gift to the blogging community tomorrow by telling me that why don't I become a full time blogger, I will have to tell him
"Blogger ki wardi nahi pehni to kya hua saab..kaam to blogger ka hi kiya hai naa"
and then the legendary
"Kisi ne sach hi kaha hai..baap pe poot, pita pe ghoda..kuch nahi to thoda thoda"

-Aup

Ek, Do, Chaar, Chhe, Dus...BUS!

Reading vcd's "About me" had me in splits yesterday. Its really a shame that Freaks doesn't have a post on its Cult movie. A movie that had dislodge the Cults status of LSA2SB and Snatch with shameless ease. There have been just too many reviews and blogs written on Gunda...so i would like to refrain from the same as I'm pressed for time (well its good to shoot off a lie every now an then) and I wouldn't be able to add my 2 cents to a low hanging fruit (thank u Phatak).

So I started writing this blog with a view to get people's fav dialogue from Gunda (If u havent watched the movie...BURN IN HELL!). Let me start off with my fav dialogue...mouthed by the legendary Mukesh Rishi on seeing his slutty sis raped (yeh the one with - face Sonali, taangein Raveena, aankhen Karishma) molested and cold on top of a 'haathgaadi'.

Munni meri behen munni ... To tu mar gayi? Lambu aata ne tujhe lamba kar diya? Maachis ki tilli ko khamba kar diya?
Arrey mere dil maine kya kya armaan the tere liye...
Maine to tere liye 300 chokre dekhe the...Woh bhi ekdum chikne...
Jo tujhe bhaata wohi tera pati bantha!
Magar tu to katela gurda yaani ki murda ho gayi!

Long Live the legendary Cult movie...waiting for some hilarious comments :-)