HDTV - A Pain!

I think I will no longer watch TV on HDTV. Infact, I am considering not buying HD-DVD’s too. I am even going to cut my subscription of HDTV and buy an analog TV with a modest 19″ screen. I am just tired of HDTV. You may wonder why such a drastic step. The world over, people are moving from normal TV experience to HD TV and I want to to go back. Well, I want to go back for precisely the reasons people want to get HD TV.

The advantages of HDTV are

Picture Clarity
I don’t think I need picture clarity anymore. Watching Pamela Anderson on the early morning ‘Today’ TV show and seeing the innumerable wrinkles she has was the final nail in the coffin. She looked all old, and the clarity in the TV enabled me to look beyond her ten coats of makeup. There was fat at the wrong places and suddenly she fell from a sexy baywatch temptation to an old woman trying to hide behind makeup. All my juvenile fantasies are now lost in the sea of lines and wrinkles. The only thing for what it was worth it is lost. Who needs brains anyways! Its just overrated.

The appearance of being surreal
Now, who wants that to see how real it looks as people on Fear Factor are eating worms. The worms look too real. I need instant gratification from the TV without the ‘ewww’ feeling.

The fall of Diva’s
Suddenly, Michelle Pfeiffer’s smile looks crooked, Pamela’s bod doesnt look all that perfect, infact you can count all the breakouts and pimples of Lindsay Lohan. Julia Robert’s vein across her forehead looks like a snake. You can see how tired an actress looks inspite of appearing cheerful. How, the top 100 sexiest women no longer rate on your list anymore.

Then, you see the oldies, the analog movies and you still like Ingrid Bergman, Greta Garbo, Audrey Hepburn. They still occupy the pedestal you have kept for them. And then return back to the TV clip of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and you know how painful it is even to watch their chronic whining. And I purely attribute it to my crystal clear home theatre system which amplies the same. They need to have some artificial intelligence and have some pre-recoded nice voices.

So while I see a clip of Oprah and Dr.Phil and see what a huge crap it is. I think my HDTV and crystal clear sound from the Home Theatre system are to be blamed. I am going to go back to analog TV where most of the reality is smoothed out and the sound makes you skip few words which makes it more likeable. I hope this truly does the trick for a shallow and superficial person like me. I am deeply scarred and anguished by crystal clear TV and Sound.

Wrath

Here is my 2nd offering on the Se7en deadly sins after Lust.

The green yonder where my brothers grazed
Is strewn with men putrefied or an amputee
My pure azure sky has turned a fiery grey
Led me to believe in revenge and anarchy.

Marching around like a dumb sheep
To uphold a few rogues' cataclysm
My blood fertilizes the land
While you feast on flesh and Rum.

You raped my women and poisoned my land
Whilst I tremble standing atop my debris
I'm normally not a praying man, but I
Wish HE bestows upon you pain and travesty.

This spite is sucking me deeper
Burning soul nailed in your greedy crucifix
Vengeance will rise from the ashes
Towering like a ravaging Phoenix.

Armed with broken bones and rotting flesh
I carry on undeterred
An eye for an eye, will only
Pave way to open my Third.

i've found my non-profit

i have always been confused about charity (just like i have been confused about everything else).

* Why donate ?
- "because you should give back to society" is the most common answer I've encountered. Charity for me is helping someone get out of the rut and make a life for themselves. It should not involve just giving away. I've always felt - "Help not Donate" is the answer. There should be no free lunches.

* How to choose the right institution ?
- Most institutions I knew of were involved in the business of giving away. The feedback loop of what your money was being used for is generally mediocre. All in all, the gratification (in this case, the feeling that you made a difference) is not strong enough to warrant more donations. (I know it sounds against the idea of charity, but appropriate incentives always motivate people better)

I came across Kiva.org today. This to my mind appears to be the perfect charity. It resolves most of my confusions mentioned above. Based on the now famous model of Microfinance, it lets you lend money to someone who needs a loan. After the period of loan, you get repaid where you can choose to re-lend the money. This resolves both of my dilemma's mentioned above. It helps someone get going with their business and help them make a life for themselves. You are involved with the business you are lending to. The feedback loop is great because there is a journals tab which lets you know about the progress of the business at regular intervals.

So go ahead - Change Lives !

My Proud Alma Mater

Here you go guys....my school in the news for all the wrong reasons. This dude was the vice-principal even when I was a student. Now u know where I gained an exemplary vocab from!

Songs that stayed on!

I am compiling up a list of the songs I identified with. But somehow, I feel each song has a line, a verse or a strain which has pulled me towards it. Each one of them I have identified it with an incident in my life. What are yours? Why don't you all put up yours.

1. But it rained - Parikrama
This one identifies my first and the biggest ache in my life. This is by the Indian rock band Parikrama and these thoughts stay with me each and everyday.

The ache is long gone but the never keeps staring along
The waters in the seas are high
and all the sand castles have drowned

2. Stairway to Heaven - Led Zep
This song gave me some of the best friends I have in my life. This song inspired me to chose paths I would never have ventured. These lines still inspire me

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on

3. Cats in the Cradle - Harry Chaplin
I hear this song as a reminder to the irony of modern life. A life I have seen affected more of us than any other. A constant balance between self and others. A reminder to slow down in the world of pace.

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

4. Going to California - Led Zep
This has been a song to find someone near. To find someone dear. But this has been a kind of song where I would say, just to find a friend. Also some hilarious insight of something I recently figured.

Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
Tryin to find a woman whos never, never, never been born.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself its not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.


5. NIB - Black Sabbath
This is so true and probably the song which talks about the dark side and evil that I was impressed. The song was also to tell me whenever I swayed from my principles to get me back to the right track. Although I am quoting only 4 lines, this is one song you have to listen or read it in its entirety.

Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you will see who I am
my name is Lucifer, please take my hand


6. Right in Two - Tool
This is what is happening now. As we fight for crumbs and as we create borders on borderless areas, emotions, logic, prayers.

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,
overhead and light
Fight over love, over sun,
over another, Fight…


7. Take away my pain - Dreamtheatre
This is the song I have identified with at every point in my life where I have been emotionally hurt. This is where I have done a reality check of my life at each point in my life. This song means a lot to me in planting my feet back to the ground. This song helps me be human again and not be over-excited.

Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don’t let it rain
Don’t stumble on my pride
Take away my pain
I’m not frightened any more

8. Kandisa - Indian Ocean
My first song where I fell in love with the song the first time I heard it. A pure entertaining song with modern and traditional percurssions. The first time I received this over email and I guess it was love at first sight.

Not the lyrics, but the instruments you need to listen too.

9. Comfortably Numb - Floyd
This song has been a constant fight between an emotional side to rational side of my life. A fight between where I want the emotional side to win, but the rational is dominant.

I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Cricket circa. 2009

A Friend forwarded to me an article with prophetic predictions for the Indian cricket team in a few years time. A hilarious read.


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The Times Of India 14th Feb, 2009:

India is playing in a 5 nation tournament ; the other countries being Uganda, Sudan, Papua new guinea and the mighty Bolivia. Today is a must win match for India against tournament favourites Bolivia for a berth in the semi finals. The winner of the tournament will fight for a place to enter the top 35 rankings in the world.

On the morning of the match, a strategy session is being held by Greg and Rahul. This is how it goes.

Greg: Boys, this is one of the most important matches in the last three years. We have to beat Bolivia. Lets go through the batting line up and the bowling line up in this meeting.

Greg: So Sourav, you will open right?

Sourav: I don't know. Bolivia has a pace bowler who only bowls short pitch deliveries. His pace is consistently in the range 55-60 miles /hour. I cannot handle all that pace.

Greg: Oh, thats ok. He won't dare to bowl short pitch stuff against the Indian batsman (we have such good credentials). If he does by mistake, just to make a statement to the media, get Hit Wicket and come back. Such non sense should not be tolerated.

Greg: So who will partner Sourav.

Rahul: I think Sehwag should. He looked in form in the last game against Sudan. He hit 5 fours between first slip and second slip before he got caught at second slip. I think he is in the pink of his form and he should open.

Greg: Thats good.

Greg: Sachin, you will bat at four ... ok?

Sachin: I don't know.I have to go shopping at 11. That means I can't bat beyond ten overs.

Greg: Sourav and Sehwag will last till six overs. So, you will come then. Don't worry, just play your natural game and follow your instincts. You will go by ten overs.

Greg: So Dhoni, you will keep?

Dhoni: I am not keeping. Last time, I kept for three hours. My hair is getting spoiled. I have thousands of lice in my hair. As a result, the cows in my village have started snubbing me and my advances. These days, dragonflies have started staying in my hair as their food lice is there. I need a haircut, I am not playing.

Greg: Please play just one more match, its the mightly Bolivians, just one last one. Please !

Dhoni: Ok. But don't do this next time.

Greg meanwhile was going through the batting averages and noticed that Dravid had the longest stay at the crease for the last 67 matches. So he asked Dravid to give a presentation in front of the team as to what motivated him so much and what was the secret to his concentration.

Dravid: My wife is extremely ugly. So, I try to stay as long as possible away from her. That is why I play a low risk game (In the last game, he hit 3 runs from 92 balls). If I get out, I have to go back to her.

Everyone starts applauding. What an inspirational cricketer.

Now it is time to decide on the bowling line up.

Greg: Obviously Zaheer is opening. He was brilliant last game. (Zaheer had bowled only 23 wides in the last match and he picked up three wickets. The secret to this brilliant bowling performance was a result of a mentoring session from Venkatesh Prasad. Prasad told him that to bowl from mid off and aim at Third slip. As a result, Zaheer returned with the best figures in the match.)

Greg: Off-late I have noticed that Rahul has been facing a lot of pressure and so we have decided to come up with Batting, Bowling and Fielding Captain to relieve Rahul of some of the responsibility.

Greg: I have noticed that Munaf Patel has stayed not out in the last three matches (all the other batsmen had got out by then). I admire the commitment of this lad and as a result he is the Batting Captain.

Greg: I was also going through this figure. Sourav has been involved in 177 run outs. But he himself has never got out. He values his wicket so much. I think we all need to Congratulate him on the price he sets for his wicket. Sourav, you are the running-between-wickets captain.

Greg: Anil has been sitting on the bench for the last three years. He keeps taking snaps throughout the match. He is such a team-man. I think we need to recognize this loyalty. Anil, you are the Bowling Captain.

Greg: Harbhajan is the fielding captain.

Rahul: But he dropped the catch in the last match when he dived to his right to take it.

Greg: At least he dived in the right direction.

After this intense brainstorming session, India looks all set to take on Bolivia. Please pray for the team's success.

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Turn the page

Scores have perished
In the lust for the bust
Yet another brother
Officially bites the dust.

Yesterday, somewhere around the crack of dawn, a Continental flight inbound from New Delhi made a safe landing on the airstrip of Newark airport and a horde of passengers streamed out, some heading towards the baggage claim area, others towards domestic terminals to catch their connector, while the “racially pretty cool” ones towards Customs and Immigration. Amongst the sea of travelers was a brown man sporting gelled hair and a look of brightness that would belie the weariness that usually comes in the wake of a journey spanning thousands of miles and almost one whole Earth-day.

That hint of sparkle, that extra spring in his step was borne out of realization of a looming change in his marital status. A telepathic person, after translating Bhojpuri into English, could almost hear our man constantly repeat this in his head – “You ain’t gonna use your hand no more! You’re gonna get laid soon!!”

Yes. As we all know, Bhaiyya is one small step away from joining the ever-growing club of single Indian men who are losing their (awfully prolonged period of) single status faster than ever imagined before. The scorecard now reads:

Pushkar Pulastya        b Cupid (lock, stock and below his barrel)
Years: 29
Balls: 2

I can foresee myriad changes in Bhaiyya’s life, hereforth. I can picture him coming home from work, possessed and intoxicated with an aphrodisiacal cocktail of testosterone and oxytocin (one word description - "love"), switching the tube on for recreation and reaching for the remote to turn closed captions on. The American Idol is on and fortunately, he is saved just in time by a commercial break. A Dove ad appears on the screen and with a swish of the wand, no pun intended, Bhaiyya is transported back in time. “Dove” morphs into “Jai” soap and his senses fondly cuddle with a melodic jingle:

Pehla pyaar, Laaye jeevan mein bahaar, Pehla pyaar
Jab tan ko choo-aye, Jaise baatein kare, Pehla pyaar....

With one eye twitching ala “Mungerilal”, he gets lost in his world of imagination. The dulcet tune now shifts gears to one with a faster beat and a sense of purpose. He lets out a gentle smile, his eyelids close and music fills his ears:

Bol sakhi bol tera raaz kya hai
Kya hai teri khushi ka raaz,
Tu bata de mujhko aaj,
Garbh nirodhak goliyaan
Mala-D hai mera raaz

I’m sure the waves of change would cause significant amends to the Winamp playlist on his computer too. Gone are the days of Metallica and their energy and angst, it’s time for Altaf Raja to echo Bhaiyya’s emotions thru this Grammy-deserving number:

Tumse kitna pyaar hai, Dil mein utar kar dekh lo,
Na yakeen aaye to phir, Na yakeen aaye to phir,
Dil badal kar dekh lo

I don’t know the extent of how deep Cupid has entrenched the arrow in his heart but this brilliant Bappi Da's creation might also be in the list of probables:

Pyaar bina chain kahaan re
Pyaar bina chain kahaan re
Sona nahi chaandi nahi pyaar to mila
Arey pyaar kar le

Prior experience tells me Mr. Pulastya is slowly going to develop a seething hatred for Alexander Graham Bell’s invention. I have advised him to buy a stirrup to rest his hand on during marathon sessions, unless of course, he’s holding the device with the hand that has “exclusively” developed muscles over the years much like a tennis player’s serving hand (The only difference is the muscles on his hand have no correlation to Tennis whatsoever!). And considering what’s going to transpire in those talks, I suspect he would need to use his prejudiced muscular hand anyway; so stirrup is going to be the likely solution. A couple of weeks down the road, Bhaiyya would be found calling Verizon customer service, “Uh hello, do you have a plan that could give me 6500 daytime minutes per month??” Phone conversations are gonna be served with generous helpings of flirtatious remarks in Bhojpuri:

“Aapke saath baatein karke bahut sahi-sa lag raha hai…bas ab Maee (“May”, in English) ka intazaar kar raha hoon!”
“Ajee itne natkhat bhi na bano”
“Abhi se hi humse darogi bhagyavaan, to phir shaadi ke baad kya hoga!!”

Getting hold of Bhaiyya on his cell is going to be harder than determining the paternal identity of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter.

Premonition and indiscriminate usage of Kantiesque allusions aside, the truth of the fact is - Bhaiyya has finally shed his skin of singlehood. I saw a couple of pictures last night and indeed, the couple looks very good together - my heartiest congratulations and best wishes to both of them. Apart from hoping our man doesn’t compel Bhabhi to dial 911 on their first night, I also sincerely hope they have a great marital life ahead.

Take it easy, brother!