The Inexplicable

Disclaimer: The following material is offensive. If you dislike scathing attacks and mud-slinging please speak up so that I can remove you from the blog roll.

As I got off the phone with Balls this evening, I started thinking about a topic to blog. The Kantiesque blog which Balls and I had thought about a few weeks ago had been shelved due to lack of time, creativity and refusal to pen about something chimerical.The impending Monday morning blues had already started creeping into my mind and that, compounded with the perpetual school sleep cycle, meant that I was wallowing in my bed, ruminating about another wasted weekend. Thats when I picked up the fone to check if someone would be awake. Since it was 1 AM EST already the only target was Bhaiyya.
Now it is a known fact that Bhaiyya loses a bit of his mojo or whatever it is when he breathes even an iota of West Coast air. Fathom this.. Bhaiyya has moved to the West Coast now and is breathing all there is to breathe of that air.So our complaints are totally justified and vindicated with Bhaiyya's idiosyncasies over the past few weeks. Here is a transcript of our conversation and ofcourse some things won't be disclosed to maintain it's sanctity (just like pixelated nude scenes on Star Movies)

The start:
Bhaiyya: Hmmmmmm...(long pause)...Aup Baba ki Jai Ho
Aup: Aayushyaman Bhava putr..jeete raho
Bhaiyya: Kya chal raha hai ? (Bhaiyya's trivial and first question)
Aup: Ku.. (interrupted by Bhaiyya)
Bhaiyya: Aaj khaana banaya re jabardast.
Aup: Tu aise trivial cheezein kyoon batate rehta hai ?
Bhaiyya: Arre nahi re.. (starts 10,000 times repeated dialogue) Roj Khaana to Aunty banati hai naa..aaj maine banaya..badhiya bana tha

The middle:
At this point the conversation shifts to how much the girls' looks matter in an arranged marriage and Bhaiyya's incessant FAQs hit the roof. I try to crack a joke on that and end up shooting myself in the foot. Bhaiyya dissects the joke and asks me meanings of a few words along the way raping the joke in his own inimitable way. Then follows a discourse about how he finds it very easy to rate a girl on her looks and cannot comment about guys in the same vein. My question becomes diluted to the point of being rhetorical and I exhort Bhaiyya to leave the thread and start the next.
Aup: Weekend mein Suraj aur Samir aaye hue the..(trying to continue)
Bhaiyya(interrupting again) : Tu paach baar bata chuka hai.
Aup: Arre..mujhe khatam to karne de..kutte ke tarah movies dekha hum logon ne.
Bhaiyya (now surpassing Alok ): Matlab haath aur pair uppar karke "hah..hah..hah" karke dekha kya.
I just keep silent ignoring his remark and let him know the sheer naivete of his remark.
Aup: Neways..Babel dekha hum logon ne..kaafi achchi movie hai..dekh kabhi time mile to
Bhaiyya ( in Bihari mode): Spelling batayega jara ?
Then there are a few more questions..then some "hmmmms" and long pauses and then again a few more questions.

The abrupt end:
Suddenly, as its known in Bhaiyya's recent phone conversations, he keeps quiet and there is not a word uttered in 2 mins. Though this is nothing new, I still ask him
Aup: Tu net surf kar raha hai kya ?
Bhaiyya: Hmmmm (long pause)
Aup:(thinking..Duh.. he was surfing the net all the way long)
Again there is silence for another 2 minutes (no violins playing in the background here). Bhaiyya totally on the fence a la Marw.
Aup: Chal theek hai yaar call karta hoon kal.
Bhaiyya: Chal theek hai..good Night

Has this become a regular thing or is it just me? A conversation with Bhaiyya nowadays lacks the subtle "nuisances" of caustic humor and witty sarcasm of yore. All that is dished out is a plethora of questions, a repeated account of trivial, inconsequential happenings accompanied with sporadic communication breakdown due to a total refusal of speech.
WHHHHYYY ? ......(Silence)

P.S:
The abrupt end was synonymous to the end of a phone conversation with Bhaiyya.