Anthem

My mouth was left agape in shock and utter disbelief seeing one of the greatest drivers in Formula 1 history, Michael Schumacher, drive through the Dunlop Kurve chicane in Suzuka only to park his beautiful Ferrari a few metres ahead and walk away in disappointment. With 16 laps to go, Ferrari's engine gave up and ended his hopes to win the race and, unless he gets a bit of divine intervention, the Driver's title this season. It was painful to watch the scene. Two races to go, Schumacher tied on points with his arch rival, Alonso, and comfortably crusing to victory would have given him an advantage of 2 points going into the last race in Brazil. However, luck chose to desert him and Ferrari at the most critical juncture in the championship.

Or should I say, Lady Luck deserted him and his team! Come to think of it, there must be a reason why we impute feminine gender to the concept of luck.

F1 fans and followers are well aware of the legendary reliability that Ferrari has enjoyed in recent years. As a matter of fact, it was in the French Grand Prix of 2000 that Schumi had ever retired with an engine failure on the scarlet beauty. A Ferrari engine blow-up is rarer than the possibility of Leander Paes beating Amelie Mauresmo in a singles match. Factual evidence and outlandish metaphors notwithstanding, smoke billowed from the engine of that car, and unfortunately at the most inopportune moment! Luck shares this innate quirkiness with a woman. Everything might look fine and dandy and she might appear to be cheerful throughout the day, the sort of cheerfulness that makes her man think he's gonna get lucky that night. And when the time is ripe for activity, the proverbial headache or exhaustion creeps out of nowhere!! He can't help but think, "Shit I thought I did a good job at kissing your ass the whole day and now it looks like I'm gonna have to look forward to the shower yet again!"

The rules of grammar of a bastardized language like English often don't ascribe specific gender to majority of nouns. Hindi, on the other hand, is far richer from this standpoint. If you think about English words and use the gender connotation that Hindi provides to their corresponding counterparts, a lot of interesting facts are revealed.

"Car" is such a noun in English that bears feminine gender when considered in Hindi. More than the fact that cars are assembled electro-mechanical parts that often arouse men, they bear resemblance to women at a more fundamental level - Maintenance. Guys are creatures that usually exist by a live-and-let-live credo. They usually are less "detail-oriented" than women. For them, a birthday is just another day. I mean, "Heck I got OLDER by one year so what the fuck should I celebrate!" Now, women are so gung-ho about such specific days that if you don't show the same excitement or if you realize the occurrence of the occasion pretty late into that day or still worse, totally forget about it, your sleeping place is guaranteed to be on the couch for a week or so. Then despite complete foreknowledge, you are expected to fall prey to the Marketing and Advertising demons conjured by companies like Hallmark, Godiva, Lindt and spend money on buying gifts to make-believe you are on the same page as to the significance of this day to mankind. And remember, you are talking about hard-earned money that you were saving to spend on worthwhile stuff like DVDs, music CDs, a Bose system or a memory card (or "Bulbs" in my case). You are then expected to choose words carefully while you write some shit on the card, maybe light a couple of candles over dinner and be your best gentlemanly self....Too much maintenance!! And then Women Liberation Groups stage a dharna saying we reduce them to the level of "objects". Gross display of double standards! Well, if you expect us to maintain you like a commodity or an expensive gadget, I don't understand what's the fuss all about!?!

Bollywood is the most prolific movie-making industry on this planet. When we speak of movies (Hindi or otherwise), we usually say something like "Movie dekhi?" v/s "Movie dekha?" - Feminine gender, yet again. Hindi movies, in a lot of ways, DO provide a good representation of the female race.
-- Majority of them don't care for substance.
-- Most of them are centered around an emotion that defies logic and reasoning, creates complications in a man's life, robs him of freedom and peace and at best, creates an illusion of well-being.
-- Men (Producers and audience) usually pour a lot of money into them. (Side Note: There's a reason why Americans named their currency "Dollars" – 'cause it gets you them dolls!)
-- It takes many about 3 hours to climax!

I also think Hindi scholars in India must have been pretty smart. They created a word called "Aabaadi", a word that stands for "Population" in English, and then attributed feminine gender to it. I think there's a strong flavor of past experience and clairvoyance on their part in this one. Clairvoyance, that when it comes to the Indian population, there's a modicum of probability the numbers are gonna go down. Experience helped them relate it to Indian women. It's true - they rarely go down! I'm sure we are living in changing times but if you consider a large sample space, you would still discover a majority of women who still do not consider bestowment of oral pleasure, a viable instrument of expression of love towards their partner. I simply don't get it (pun intended)! To deprive men of that pleasure is doing disservice to God. Apart from Shahid Afridi, there’s a purpose behind the existence of everything on God's own planet. You think He gifted man the talent to invent a lollipop for whom?...kids!?! Hell no!! It was for women to derive a cue from. Likewise, there’s a reason why He conferred on women, the ability to sit on their knees. This is probably why when men stand, their waist reaches as much over the floor as it does now. Take a hint, ladies!

Recently, I bought a T-shirt from Spencer's that very well goes in tune with the aforementioned noble thought. It read, "Love Sucks, True Love Swallows" – I think women ought to make it the anthem of their lives.

Thirteen, but not the way you think!

TIHSGFECSHHPOENTMOTWDILRLSIRTSIPKERRVWMHMIHOETNFSIEIIPBSDHNFIITTE
YIETIEBLHEIIOEEWIERENRAIIUPDSSLLTTEATHLHITSTFETRELERSAWRLRNATTCENT
CBHUIOAOEHMRHOLIFOATLAIICHRTLLNTLIGNHRINOUUSEPSNICDEUCEPUSNIDLESN
AAEIHETFHATTIDAPTRDLTRTBENKLNPIPENAOWMEESGLULNASHOETIHNANHLDETIS
IEBTSEJIPLSDNOIALCNEISPGNSEXLLNAGYSEYEMTTILCREONUNHAOEDNLRAEOXNEII
IEQJAEGTHAPRAROHUHLAEXFGMAEIMRBELYMWWTTTNTFRUUZASHAUOITORATAN
UATSTBCRNESRIBHBAIROHDQTMIMYSOAPPSSLFENIVOSKIUHLOITOTESEAWSAATAE
UHACPDTMSPAIIEMDTOEWESNGSELNENAAAVDHWMMHTCIETKSOIENYBTNAAIHNUT
TUTGASUGXENKBEAOHWAIWICREBOGATOBC

Not thirteen

OCDNJIZDNXVGGZYIJO13WTHZWZXVPNZDOYJZNI'OPNZ13GZOOZMEPHKN.CJRZQZM,
DONODGGDNVXVZNVMXDKCZM.VGNJ,TJPRDGGIJODXZOCVODCVQZOVFZIJPOVG
GOCZNKVXZNOJHVFZOCDNEPNOVGDOOGZWDOHJMZYDAADXPGO.DATJPBZOOCDND
VHBJDIBOJNOJKPNDIBXVZNZMXDKCZMNJIXZVIYAJMVGG!

Thirteen

Guvf vf pnyyrq gur ebg-13 be gur pnrfne pvcure. Vg vf bar bs gur zbfg fvzcyr pvcuref xabja gb zna. Rnpu yrggre vf fuvsgrq ol n tvira ahzore bs yrggref naq erjevggra. Frr vs lbh pna znantr gb qrpelcg guvf. Znvy zr gur nafjre. Vs zber guna 5 crbcyr pna qb vg, V jvyy cbfg n zber qvssvphyg pvcuregrkg. ZNVY ZR NG zrtuarrytber@tznvy.pbz

whats the world coming to ..

I'll let the link do the talking.

Matka

Incessant enthusiasm to while away time in office and the blatant lack of application for doing something worthwhile (workwise) led me to post this blog. Dedicated to all "Yantra" fans. Balls, Yeti will understand this immediately..the others will have to tickle their grey cells

Bot Dakhavnaara aahes tu kon? tujha doka firla asel
Chiklaat duble tujhe dole, mritakana jagavlaas tu
Kabrela chorun hima tak palnyaat,saboota jaalav
Sabnacha dabba, patte, kancha, ithe tithe dagad fekat firu nakos

Tu kevdhaa varti asasheel

Tondaat pay, dhungnaat doka, kay boltoyes tu?
Katheenay,yavar nachna baher khechi paryant, mulgaa

Tu kevdhaa varti as sheel

Chor,udhar ghe,dakhav vachav tujha kala tarka
Kangaaru jhala latkavla nishpaapla jury barobar

atta tu nilya rangacha radtoy, asel nimbacha ras
tujhyaa dolyachyat, jevha tu mutlaas majhya kitlivar

Tu kevdhaa varti as sheel

Bot Dakhavnaara aahes tu kon? bharun gelaes tu
Chiklaat dubley tujhe dole, harami maansa
Khotardya,vakeel, aarsa dakhav mala farak kay?
Kangaaru jhala latkavla nishpaapla jury barobar

Atta tu nilya rangacha radtoy, asel nimbacha ras
Tujhyaa dolyachyat, jevha tu mutlaas majhya kalya kitlivar

Tu kevdhaa varti assheel

Arre,Bot Dakhavnaara aahes tu kon?
Kon aahes tu mala jade bot dakhavnaara?
Tujhe Doka firla asel

Nilya rangacha radnaara

Khotardya,vakeel, aarsa dakhav mala farak kay?
Kangaarula chadlay, tu paapi aahes rajyaa saarkha

Atta tu nilya rangacha radtoy, asel nimbacha ras
Tujhyaa dolyachyat, jevha tu mutlaas majhya kalya kitlivar

Tu kevdha varti asasheel

Chiklaat duble tujhe dole
Chiklaat dublet gote tujhe
Ganja, baas, tujha doka firla asel.

- Aup

10000 on 10

Enough of Tool 101 (mostly from Wiki) and now lets move on to the concert. Isis the opening act was a disaster. Poor vocals, music just going through the motions but on a positive note, they played only 3-4 songs before Tool took center-stage. They started off with a blistering version of Stinkfist and moved on to the more bass laden ‘The Pot’. We were pretty much way back and hence the first couple of songs just whizzed by surreally.

Coping Maynard’s poetic talents (visit his side-project…exquisite website) are band members who:

1. Worked as a Set designer and make-up artist for revolutionary movies like T2 and Jurassic Park (Adam Jones-Guitarist)
2. Plays percussion inspired by metaphysics and geometry (Danny Carey) and has every piece in his kit resembling a certain geometric figure.

Heavy downpour added to proceedings which coupled with the phantasmagoric music rendered the entire atmosphere an accentuated hallucination. It was only when the first guitar chords of Forty Six & 2 rammed into my eardrums did reality seep in. At this point in time, this remains my favorite Tool track and every note is correctly etched in my ever whimsical brain. The on-stage projections and the psychedelic colors and shapes on the big-screen were in plain Italiano ‘SPETTACOLARE’.

Admittedly, I’ve attended a better concert (Metallica-Norfolk), heard superior musicians live (Dream Theater-Reading) but this certainly was the best show I’ve ever attended.

Unsurprisingly, they started the Encore with probably their most ‘technical’ song – Lateralus which to me was the song of the night. As Maynard vocals ‘spiraled’ over the dark clouds, the on-stage projections changed from black to white and then subsequently to Red and yellow lasers took over to match the songs lyrics. It was an absolute thrill to watch especially if you knew the song verbatim (and of course if you had a better IQ that Forrest). The back-stage was was brightly decorated with small white bulbs which sprang to life when Maynard screamed “Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind” a-cheesy-la Ganpati decorations but fit in perfectly with the song like a glove. The current radio favorite ‘Vicarious’ immediately followed Lateralus which like the previous song was a master-class rendition. The band summed up the evening by rounding off with the crowd favourite Ænema where everyone just threw their hands up in the air when Maynard went: ‘I’m praying for rain’. It was truly a memorable sight. An exceptional night laced with a majestic performance, lighting and some terrific artwork.

Blighted with guilt, I confess; I don’t think I say this enough but Tool to me is the most intelligent band that you could possibly listen to. Their songs range from spirituality to prison sex, from Jungian psychology to religion, from philosophy to golden ratios. Tool is a very different band in the sense that they never appear on telly, rarely give interviews and never release the real meanings to any of their songs.

Aboard the plush shimmering silvery Acura after leaving the Tweeter center on a wet Thursday night, with a parched larynx, sore heels and a contented heart, I decided to break the blog’s hiatus and my indisposition to write concert reviews (even though I’ve many) as this Tool concert was certainly one of a kind.

Maynard was hitting every note to perfection and his voiced soared above Danny’s thunderous pounding, Adam’s mesmerizing solos and Justin’s rumbling bass. Jambi was up next…powerful, angry, sad and dark at the same time. Before you could take a deep breath, Justin started pounding on his bass with Schism. The beauty of all Tool songs is the brilliant melody upfront; typified by the cult classic Schism. Every note was right on the money till they hit what people term as the ‘bridge’ where Danny suddenly went INSANE and pounded his kit at supersonic speed. I stared blankly at Aup with a ‘wtf is he doing’ expression…which was duly reciprocated. Keenan then slowly moved towards the keyboards to play Lost Keys/Rosetta Stoned which was extremely good but the weakest link of the entire setlist (I would’ve gladly done with Parabola or better still…Right in Two). And then came the best part of the show, with Wings for Marie/10,000 Days started the stupendous LASER show. The song itself is capable of elevating you to a trance…the Lasers just added to the feeling. It did seem that the show had almost reached the pinnacle and it was the right time to take a break before the Encore.

(This blog is heavily inspired from the theme of Lateralus where syllables go according to Fibonacci series. Here the paragraphs are all jumbled and the correct order follows the Fibonacci series. The start of every paragraph is a ‘Fibonacci letter’ in BOLD . Just put those in the right order and you would get the correct flow of the blog. Hint - 1(A) 1(A) 2(B) etc....
You don’t enjoy a Tool song on the first go…you need atleast a couple of listens. That is what I’ve tried to capture here. You need to read the blog atleast twice to understand it correctly.
A blog on Tool has to be twisted else there is no meaning to it, and if you cant decipher this then you are not worth reading the blog, leave alone listening to Tool.)