Disclaimer: Considerable artistic license has been taken in the production of the text for this scene. The author makes no guarantees as to which incidents occured and which ones didn't.
Scene III: The Phantom of the Highway
Act I:
Bhaiyya and Mike set out from Cleveland, taking Interstate 71, hoping to make it to Springfield, MO by day's end.
Mike: Gaand lag gayee.
Bhaiyya: Toh naya kya hai?
Mike: Bhenchod!
Bhaiyya: Achcha sorry, kya hua?
Mike: Kya hua kya? Itna late ho gaya hai yaar, how the fuck do you expect that we will reach on time?
Bhaiyya: Mike, kabhi toh positive attitude dikhaya kar!
Mike: Arey gandu, there is positive thinking and then there is wishful thinking!
Bhaiyya: Arey koi nahi yaar, RAAP DEEE!
Mike: Hahahahahaahaha!
Act II:
Narrator: In trucking circles, there is a legend of a "Ghost Who Drives". This ghost, it is said, has a penchant for possessing the vehicles of drivers driving a very specific type of car; that car being a blue honda accord coupe with a v6 engine (Maryland License Tags (Number 6BCE43)). It is this narrator's great pleasure and sadness to say that Mike's car was possessed by this ghost ever since Bhaiyya took to the wheel of Mike's car.
Bhaiyya and Mike reach Columbus, OH relatively late because of Mike's overcautious driving. Mike thinks that testing fate once too often is the pastime of fools...
Mike: Bhaiyya, abhi tu chala.
In the inimitable style of himself,
Bhaiyya: Haan, haan.
Mike: Main ab sota huun, tu chala sakta hai na? (this statement will be said so often during this trip, that it will in future be refered to as 'tcshn?')
Bhaiyya: Haan, haan.
Mike: Hamesha ki tarah mat chala, pahunchte pahunchte six laac tickets milenge tereko.
Bhaiyya: Arey nahi re, main dekh ke chalata huun, cop dikhega to slow karta huun.
Mike: Lekin the cop sees you with invisible rays called radio waves.
Bhaiyya: Chup bey, randi!
Mike: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Arey but seriously, thodasa slow chala, it doesn't pay to speed...
Bhaiyya: Okay, main samajh gaya huun.
Mike: Thank you.
Bhaiyya speeds, disregarding Mike's fatherly advice. A few hundred miles later...
Enter a non-specific truck driver, named Jack, and his helper John.
Jack: John, son, let me tell you the story of the "Ghost who Drives".
John: I've heard about it.
Jack: Yes, but have you seen the ghost who drives?
John: You mean you have?
Jack: Yes, son, I have. And I have a feeling that we are going to see him again today. This ghost has no regard for the time of day, he can appear at any moment, zoom past your truck and leave in your stomach a sense of awe and a sick feeling that keeps gnawing at you for a few days.
John: Really Jack, I don't believe this crap. You mean to say that you have seen a ghost?Jack: Son, can you see a blue dot on the back horizon in the truck's mirror?
John: So?
Jack: I bet you that it's the Ghost who Drives.
John: Yeah, right! And I am John the Baptist!
Jack: If you don't believe me, you will. Soon.
John: And how's that?
Jack: See that cop car there? Hiding behind the overpass?
John: Yeah, so?
Jack: Do you think he can see us?
John: Of course!
Jack: He can't see the blue car.
John: How do you know?
Jack: When you spend as much time as I have on the Highway, you tend to know these things.
John: Or you can bullshit a lot.
Enter Mr. Policeman, sitting in his patrol car, looking for a speeder. It's been a slow day, not one speeder, can you believe it?
Mr. Policeman: Come on you mothers! SPEED! How else can I finish my ticket quota? And if this time I don't finish my quota, I will be busted down so low, I will have to clean toilets in hell! Why God? Why does this happen to me?
Mr. Policeman looks up toward heaven
Mr. Policeman: God, send me an angel who speeds the shit out of their car, please, send me an angel that will help me get a promotion, send me an angel that will obviate the necessity of this book (holds up the ticket book) for me! Please God PLEASE!
Mr. Policeman, in his violent religious fervor, drops the ticket book to the floor of the car
Mr. Policeman: Oh shit.
Mr. Policeman bends down to pick up the book.
Meanwhile, in Mike's car...
Mike: ABEY SAALE!
Bhaiyya: Kya hua?
Mike: Tereko bola na slow chala slow chala... Abhi dekh cop aa gaya peechhe?
Bhaiyya is temporarily flabbergasted.
Bhaiyya: Abey saale, koi cop nahi hai.
Mike: Malum hai! MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHA CHUUTYA BANAAAYA! BADA MAZA AAAAYA!
Bhaiyya: Hahahahahahahaha! Tu chutya hai re!
With a feigned bow, Mike: Thank you!
Bhaiyya: Oh Shit!!!!
Mike: Kya hua?
Bhaiyya: COP CAR THA!
Mike: Chup baith, main joke maar raha tha!
Bhaiyya: Lekin main nahi maar raha tha!
Mike: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Bhaiyya: I WAS DOING 95 in 75 MPH zone, man, I am done for.
Mike: RUK RE! Wo nahi aa raha hai apne peechhe! HAHAHAHAAAA Andha cop!
Bhaiyya: Aisa kaise ho sakta hai?
Mike: Malum nahi, sota rahega! hahahahaha
Bhaiyya: Hahahahaha
John's mouth is agape. He has just witnessed the impossible. He has seen a blue car doing 100 mph go right in front of a cop car and the cop doing nothing about it.
John: How the HELL did this happen? I saw the car, it was real, it was a blue car!
Jack: It was the Ghost who Drives. Once the ghost takes hold of your vehicle, it is invisible to all cops!
John: I believe, master!
Jack scratches his long beard like Pei Mei: You have just seen the Ghost who Drives!
15 comments:
Bhaiyya is like Montoya on I71. He pushed the ability of your V6 to the limit. By the way how did Bhaiyya put you to sleep..I guess it must have been "breath taking" trance.
Your travelogue is hilarious..a pure concoction of reading Bible ( in an unimaginable place) and the several pegs of Mcallen you gulped down pretty much sums up the thrilling drive.
On a sombre note..I cannot belive that you paid 100 bucks to sleep while watching Kaa
Rofl...Rofl.......
Too good, guys :-)
It wudnt have been too difficult for bhiayya to put Mike to sleep. Since we all know "Pushkar jahan bhi jaata hai apni CD lekar jaata hai"...the incorrigible versions of Runawaaaaaaay, JINDAGI mein kabhi koi aaye na rabba and Ohh Saki Saaki cud put even Ranjit Fernando to sleep let alone Mikeyy.....
P.S. Ur ass must be red following the incessant spanking ;-)
Yeah..u bet..sado-masochism at its best..whopaak !
Really well written Meghneeeeeea ... Sounds like an excerpt from the Zen and the art of Auto Driving
It's ff-tshhh, not whopaak! ;)
Wow, an urban legend. But the completion of the road trip with Mike and Bhaiyaa as companions is an accomplishment.
KK this is not 'Nam...there are rules
Good article man. The dialouge between john and jack is hysterical. Hilarious article...and the concept of ghost rider is too good....and thank you pushkar for ripping mike's car to its full capacity.....nahi to sala mike itna cautiously(read as "like a 60 year old lady") chalata hai....i still remember when he pulled out of our garage in cleveland he gave a left indicator signal where you can't possibly go anywhere but left.
waiting for the next release if there is any...
Sid.
"Andha cop"...lol...lol...imagine a blind cop standing by the roadside with a spped gun! Maybe he writes tickets in braille :-) :-) :-)
good one mate, well written !!!! A blast.
I am envious, but only of the drive and not the punishment you must have suffered at the "hands" of bhaiyya.
you gave an acronym tcshn for "tu chala sakta hai naa"..but used it only once in the entire passage. I presume this means that there is a part 4..with your experiences in Vegas/Canyon and then to San Mateo
But of course!
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